The Continuing Crisis

THE CONTINUING CRISIS Dr. Elders loves herself; Lorena Bobbitt goes home again October 1996 passes—the fortieth anniversary of the Hungarian Uprising, the twenty-sixth anniversary of Our...

...RET The Al Hunt of Grand Forks, North Dakota 40+ Hottest Businesses You Can Run From Your Home With A Computer...
...The Herald continues, "He [Tellmann] told the Herald he wouldn't be returning to 'Hot Talk'....Tellmann argued on the air Friday with noted conservative author R. Emmett Tyrrell, editor-in-chief and founder of The American Spectator magazine...
...Call: 1-800-343-8014, ext...
...Legal problems are looming for the Detroit public school system, where students have caused considerable property damage by flushing whole rolls of toilet paper down the thunder mug...
...The U.S...
...Jack Kevorkian has deposited yet another female corpse at Beaumont Hospital in Royal Oak, Michigan...
...Renowned for the loud hissing sound it intones when aroused, the hefty roach grows to three inches in length, and can be taught to paw and frighten away intruders if they are dwarves or easily disgusted...
...Already rebellion is breaking out among civil libertarians and dyslogicians...
...Animal-rights activists went on the alert in New York City where the house pet of Mr...
...Meeting you in person is an extremely high honor," the president declared, to which the quick-witted Mrs...
...Williams's mother, Carmelita, opined shrilly, "I can't believe he's gone...
...His last words were "no" and unintelligible...
...Li—or is it Mr...
...Wang...
...Moreover, students are enjoined to "return with a reasonable amount left...
...Marie Thornton in high dudgeon...
...Former senator Bob Dole and his Sancho Panza, former congressman Jack Kemp, continued to maintain their double-digit deficit behind the least accomplished and most deceitful president since Warren Harding...
...Kevorkian on October 17 handed emergency room workers a paper identifying his shapely corpse as Miss Nancy Desoto (no relation to Hernando), a florist from Bourbonnais, Illinois, whose multiple sclerosis gave her an itch for the Kevorkian Kure...
...Towards the end of 'Hot Talk' Tellmann said on the air that he quit, tossed aside his headphones and walked out the building...
...4469, Sheridan, IN 46069 Our World Wide Web Home Page address is http://www.cbsinet.com Fax 1-317-816-7329 The American Spectator • December 1996 9...
...Boris Yeltsin is in spectacularly good condition for heart surgery, thanks to a liquid diet that he has steadfastly maintained through most of his adult life, the founder of modern Russia demonstrated his robust health by firing his national security adviser, General Alexander Lebed...
...Scott Reed, who flew to Texas to beg Colonel Ross Perot to heave his 5 percent of the electorate to the taciturn Kansan, who in gentlemanly fashion refused to say anything about his opponent that might upset Chelsea or cause Our President to stop sneering...
...The drop has caused speculation among Kevorkian-watchers that the silver-haired life-long bachelor is something more than your run-of-the-mill death counselor...
...Miss Gennifer Flowers, once an intimate of Governor Bill Clinton and the author of Passion and Betrayal, a presidential sex manual, announced plans to marry Mr...
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...And what of the constitutional right to privacy...
...Tellmann questioned some of Tyrrell's conclusions in his new book about President Clinton's political past...
...John Earl Bush (no relation to the former president), 38, by seating him in the electric chair and throwing the switch...
...Webster Hubbell, the former associate attorney general and consultant to the Lippo group who is now a resident in federally subsidized and patrolled housing...
...Bobbitt replied, "I feel flattered...I never imagined myself next to an important dignitary...
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...The corn-cob susbstitute is being kept in the teachers' desks, and supplied to needy students only upon request...
...Mrs...
...Consequently teachers are rationing the valuable commodity...
...Do we hear conflict of interest charges...
...According to hospital spokeswoman Miss Yvette Monet (no relation to the late Claude Monet), Dr...
...That eminent figure on the left, Mr...
...But those of a lawyerly disposition might well ask what constitutes "a reasonable amount...
...On a happier note officials at the state penitentiary in Starke, Florida, disposed of Mr...
...Tellmann is a noisome leftwing poseur who had acquired an Al Hunt—like presence in Grand Forks media, until reality intruded...
...Lorena Bobbitt goes home again October 1996 passes—the fortieth anniversary of the Hungarian Uprising, the twenty-sixth anniversary of Our President's final brush with his draft board...
...President Clinton has promised the Russian dynamo a jogging outfit, including a Rolling Stone T-shirt and, from Arkansas, a Tucker State Prison baseball cap, to be worn backwards...
...His execution was a consequence of his first-degree murder of an i8-year-old girl during the $134 robbery of a convenience store...
...He may actually be a closet necrophiliac...
...Dole was ably assisted by his campaign guru, Mr...
...Possibly Dr...
...Kevorkian has left at the hospital, usually after mysterious meetings with them at remote motel rooms...
...Abdala Bucaram, who greeted her as one of "the world's most famous Ecuadorans...
...Professor Tom Turpin of Purdue University reports animal lovers are raising their consciousness and ,6] extending their definition of household pet to include the giant Y. Practice makes perfect birth control Lorena meets the President 8 December 1996 The American Spectator Madagascar hissing cockroach...
...Just days before doctors announced that Russia's president Mr...
...An architect of China's Cultural Revolution, Mr...
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...The animal in question was a 13-foot-long python (Montius pythoninae), a friendly, affectionate pet that has long I been the target of much uninformed prejudice among America's petaphobic middle class...
...Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reported that only one of every zoo mothers giving birth in Georgia had traces of cocaine in her system...
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...Lorena Bobbitt, a native of Ecuador, returned home to be personally welcomed by Ecuador's president, Sr...
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...was eventually imprisoned once the Cultural Revolution was over and the bodies had been buried...
...Finally, there is this happy news from Grand Forks, North Dakota, where on October 15 the Grand Forks Herald reported the following: "After an argument with a guest on the air of KCNN's 'Hot Talk' call-in show Friday, co-host Bruce Tellmann said 'I quit,' and walked out of the radio station...
...You should not punish a child by making them hold their bladder," remonstrated Mrs...
...Elders can be given a position at CDC to conduct a study on the comparative effectiveness of masturbation and cocaine as contraceptives...
...Finis Shelnutt, of the Arkansas Shelnutts...
...It was also the month that Justice Antonin Scalia became the first Supreme Court Justice since Chief Justice Charles Evans Hughes to appear at the Court wearing a beard...
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...Maybe he meant established but not adhered to...
...Tyrrell called Tellmann a `pathetic wretch,' a lunkhead' and said he was full of self-pity...
...Plans for a post-operation video of Yeltsin doing aerobics on his hospital bed are not out of the question, and it is rumored that he will begin jogging the moment his surgeons release him to the recovery room...
...Wang Li, departed for his eternal reward on October 21...
...That makes seven corpses that Dr...
...Shelnutt is also the former brother-in-law of Mr...
...Joycelyn Elders, recommended that masturbation be taught in the schools as a birth-control device...
...And on "Meet the Press," Vice President Al Gore, without sweating or twitching his upper lip, proved that he is the equal of Hillary Rodham Clinton (and well on his way to matching Our President) in the prevarication arts, when he averred, "The ethical standards established in this Mite House have been the highest in the history of the White House...
...Last spring he allowed that speeches delivered by him during the Cultural Revolution may have "been somewhat excessive" and "at certain points may have incited the violence...
...I kept telling him to get rid of that snake...
...Grant Williams crushed him to death...
...His last meal is unrecorded...
...Bring on the next four years...
...In charnel news Dr...
...And on October 9 former surgeon general, Mrs...

Vol. 29 • December 1996 • No. 12


 
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