The Continuing Crisis
• March came in like a lamb and left like a louse. Everyone wanted a little more winter. Our President jogs less frequently in winter, and when he does he usually covers his legs. There was a day...
...It's a wonderful thing to do what you're doing, and that's devoting your lives to others," Mr...
...and its caste system is not unlike that in Arkansas where they flourished...
...The dollar plunged...
...145, SHERIDAN, INDIANA 46069 The American Spectator May 1995 9...
...Paul Eggleton of Britain's Natural Environment Research Council reported that termite flatulence accounts for as much as one-fifth of the world's methane, a major and malodorous component of "greenhouse gases...
...Martin—on March 23 Governor Pete Wilson of the wet state of California announced the establishment of an "exploratory committee," and that is often the first step in a presidential bid...
...India will be a refreshing stopover for Mrs...
...Hillary Rodham Clinton is departing to carry the Clinton Revolution on a twelve-day "goodwill" mission to such international centers of power as Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, Nepal, Pakistan, and India...
...And the brutal Sen...
...There was a day when Americans rarely saw their president undraped...
...Gore's speechwriting staff is known to be somewhat slow...
...Even the otherwise sleepy Senate began passing portions of the Contract, though the balanced-budget amendment failed by one vote, that being cast by Republican Sen...
...The 33-yearold prodigy spent seventeen years in pursuit of his elusive goal...
...Congratulations are in order for Mr...
...What precisely the "exploratory committee" might explore remains unclear, though given the Governor's record it might explore which party would welcome a Wilson candidacy...
...Perhaps the First Lady is arranging asylum for her husband...
...Jesse Helms of North Carolina ridiculed the White House's Friends of the Red-Cockaded Woodpecker, inquiring as to what might be the consequences if one of the woodpeckers "took a vacation to Tennessee and had some snail darters for lunch...
...Moore won a $500 savings bond, a trophy, new sneakers, and a year's supply of Odor-Eaters...
...Now we have this eternal boy in the White House, and with the arrival of Spring we shall all be presented with the spectacle of his shimmering thighs, which, by the way, do put one in mind of Lady Thatcher...
...The Washington Times, known to Washington's enlightened minority as the Good Times, reported on March 25 that the White House had prevented Maj...
...India, the model social democracy: streets filled with cows, flies everywhere, bodies burning on pyres along the sacred Ganges...
...To the disappointment of many, the contest is not supported by the National Endowment for the Arts in any way...
...Sonny" Montgomery protested to the Department of Veterans' Affairs over reports that a VA hospital gave a government-paid-for penile implant to Mr...
...Its system of taxation and bureaucracy is precisely what the Clintons studied back in college...
...Rather, the whole shebang is endowed by the producers of Odor-Eaters, suggesting that if the Congress does cut the NEA budget there are plenty of private companies with the expertise and the money to make up the loss...
...Wrong again, Mrs...
...Mark Hatfield of Oregon, a man whose political wetness would make him a congenial running-mate for Mrs...
...Gandhi had things just right...
...On March 24 he went in for his annual physical and passed brilliantly...
...His grandiose dreams of a Cuban-style healthcare system for America have been shelved...
...Otherwise it was a quiet month at the White House: no sexual harassment charges, no suicides, only one new independent counsel—this one to investigate Housing and Urban Development Secretary Cisneros...
...Wade was the real estate agent for the Clinton's Whitewater Development Corporation...
...Kim, whose health is fragile, is a devotee of traditional remedies, and his agents have also turned up in Russia, Japan, and the Caucasus in pursuit of various manures, feathers, ear waxes, and other cures too disgusting to mention in this journal of the arts...
...Gore intoned...
...Wilson...
...Alarmed by a government crackdown and apparently unmindful of the burgeoning gay rights movement, the dons fear that the kiss will betray their identities...
...no sexually transmittable diseases, no noticeable psychological disorders, larger bags under the eyes, hair noticeably thinning, wife leaving him...
...On March 21 he pled guilty to bankruptcy fraud and to filing a false bank loan application to build a house on Lot Seven of the Whitewater property where a house was to be built for the Clintons...
...but Mrs...
...Michael Martin, a convicted child molester...
...Clinton to return to America...
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...He is Mr...
...In the wake of the 1994 congressional elections almost no news originates at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, save when a presidential aide comes forward to deny that the First Family has any knowledge of crimes charged against one of its associates from the Babylonian days back in Arkansas...
...A chill 8 The American Spectator May 1995 went through the civil liberties community after Rep...
...Michael Jordan returned to basketball, sending the value of the companies whose products he endorses up a total $2.3 billion...
...Richard E. Davis from testifying to the Senate that the military opposed limitations on readiness training at Fort Bragg intended to protect the red-cockaded woodpecker...
...If you already own a computer, you may receive a discount...
...In Montpelier, Vermont, eight-year-old Michael Moore won the twentieth annual Rotten Sneaker Contest, beating out another eight-year-old, Ivy LeGrand, who explained the egregious stench from his sneakers as the consequence of his cat having mistaken them for a sandbox...
...The Sicilian Mafia has allegedly banned the dons' traditional sign of recognition, the kiss on the cheek...
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...No one ever saw President Cleveland jogging or President William Howard Taft throwing Frisbees on the beach...
...If you purchase our software and business program, we will give you the computer and printer...
...The New York Daily News has named him the unluckiest man in New York...
...Its health-care system is an Ira Magaziner dream come true...
...Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson was released from his cage...
...Lawrence Hanratty of New York City, who was nearly electrocuted in a 1984 construction accident, lost his disability claim, had his wife run off with one of his lawyers, wrecked his car last year, was held up and robbed after police left the scene of the accident, is being evicted from his apartment, suffers from agoraphobia, heart, and liver ailments, and uses oxygen...
...David Guest has finally passed his driving test...
...Colorado's Senator Ben Nighthorse Campbell forsook the Democratic Party for the Republicans...
...British prime ministers have also displayed exemplary modesty, even into our own flamboyant era...
...And how long will the present White House chef last after Mrs...
...Kim Jong-il, son of North Korea's deceased strong man Mr...
...In London the Rev...
...Our President is slowing down...
...Financing available...
...Did we ever see Prime Minister Thatcher with her shirt off...
...Maybe he will run for governor of Bangladesh...
...A visibly uneasy Vice President Al Gore hosted 150 politically active homosexuals at his home, accompanied by his pet Labrador and the ever-present Tipper, dauntless opponent of naughty lyrics...
...Hanratty...
...Meanwhile the White House press corps grows ever drowsier...
...As to what sign of recognition the Mafia might adopt to replace the kiss no consensus has formed, though a demure curtsy might prove successful...
...He took 632 lessons, spent $7,800, and crashed five cars...
...A closely held secret of California politics is that the big-spending, volupt-taxing Governor Wilson is a woman, and a very disagreeable one when a foul mood hits her...
...The manufacturer of Menthol X cigarettes agreed to stop marketing the product after a coalition of groups protested that the packaging exploited the name of Malcolm X, the deceased author who adopted his unusual last name to save time...
...Pat Buchanan declared his candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination...
...Where will he take up citizenship...
...Kim It-sung, is tightening his grip on the country came when his agents arrived in Taiwan to procure swallow droppings...
...This dedication is an outgrowth of the way you live your entire lives," he continued—though he gave no details, and the line cracked up some of the younger attendees...
...Expect an energized Mrs...
...You do not need to own, or know how to run, a computer–we will provide free, home office training...
...He announced late in the month that he will go to Moscow to observe V-E Day, though what happens if his passport is revoked...
...Proof that Mr...
...This is a proven turnkey business an individual or couple can run...
...Clinton has tasted such Indian delicacies as cat's tail, vulture's neck with curry, feathered dog on the half shell...
...The House of Representatives continued to pass the desiderata of the hellish Contract With America, to the horror of all the Republic's spongers and deadbeats...
...But now he can just relax and drive wherever he chooses, preferably while sounding his horn and wearing his seatbelt...
...Even before the Hon...
...Both are endangered species, and what kind of man jokes about a thing like that...
...RE7' Earn $4,000 Per Month From Your Home With A Computer...
...Clinton...
...In Our Nation's Capital two hundred government agents preparing to make a predawn raid on a notorious crack house in a troubled public housing development had to cancel their effort when it was discovered that the public housing authority's lunk-headed spokeswoman had sent the media a press release on the raid the night before...
...Only one was apprehended in March...
...Yes, at mid-month it was announced that the charming Mrs...
...145 (in Indiana: 317-758-4415) Or Write: COMPUTER BUSINESS SERVICES, INC., CBSI PLAZA, STE...
...This president is on a roll...
...Mr...
...Chris Wade...
...Wilson auspicated his/her campaign, Dr...
...Lynn Martin, former Republican congresswoman and secretary of labor, dropped out of the race, saying that her only regret was that her withdrawal makes it unlikely that a woman will compete for either the Republican or Democratic nomination...
...The stock market soared...
...Well done, Mr...
...To receive free cassettes and color literature, call toll-free: 1-800-343-8014, ext...
Vol. 28 • May 1995 • No. 5
