The Continuing Crisis
• September vanishes and Gingrich is vindicated! Suddenly the dimensions of the November Republican victory are clear for all to see. In September Republican majorities in both congressional...
...According to Bulgaria's BTA news agency, 1,500 people gathered at an airfield in Shtraklevo, the Mann County of Bulgaria, following the announcement by three local ladies that eight spaceships piloted by aliens would make an 11 a.m...
...Hundreds of British Yuppies have established country homes in Cornwall...
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...Moreover when the women did venture out with their hair in curlers they followed the Hon...
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...Justice was meted out to three celebrity malefactors...
...Finally, Mr...
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...and bikini-clad dancing girls frolicking all over the place (someone could catch cold...
...In Huntsville, Texas, Mr...
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...Lou Gehrig's record for consecutive major-league baseball games played, and Senator Bob Packwood became the first member of the United States Senate to be expelled since fourteen Southern and border-state senators were expelled for treason against the Union...
...South Africans are not so forgiving...
...This is the sort of thing the Nazis did to the gypsies, yet it could have been worse...
...The Rev...
...145, SHERIDAN, INDIANA 46069 The American Spectator November 1995 11...
...the women explained to the edgy throng that nearby aircraft were frightening the aliens...
...In 1980 Mr...
...On September 7, Washington police arrested Mr...
...magazine and feminist studies courses, public defender Miss Kristine Eagle fainted 10 The American Spectator November 1995 when her client, Mr...
...And on September 12 in Fort Portal, Uganda, Prince Oyo Nyimba Iguru was crowned the twelfth Omukama (king) of Tooro, though he is only three-and-a-half years old and utterly incapable of mastering the traditional Bechuana Tummy fight song...
...Some old Washington hands adjudged the handiwork of the 104th Congress to be the most far-ranging since the New Deal's First Hundred days...
...Miss Malveaux, who received one of the D.C...
...The distinguished congressman has written the former president requesting the names, titles, and duties of the 125 bureaucrats that Mrs...
...Miss Divine Brown, who was arrested making love to Mr...
...From the royals comes word that the Duchess of York spurned a five-year deal worth over $9 million from a cosmetic company when it was revealed that she would have to appear in a swimsuit...
...Grant did not appear in court for the hearing...
...There is mounting evidence that Bulgarians are very similar to Northern Californians, despite some differences in diet and sexual hygiene...
...The Rev...
...Dan Burton (R.-Ind...
...In Spotsylvania, Virginia, after a bailiff forgot about him, Mr...
...Huffman is an intense consumer of prime-time television...
...Allen Wilhelm, a traffic violator, was left for five days in a Spotsylvania County holding cell, subsisting on water and with only a toilet to comfort him...
...There were no injuries...
...traffic police's insane and possibly criminal campaign against the Clinton administration continues unabated by Christian mercy or any sense of proportion...
...His last meal was composed of a T-bone steak, a baked potato, and a nice crisp salad...
...Brain, as a leading proponent of the New Age "Healing Ministry," doubtless was only trying to drive out demons from the women's bodies...
...Welfare, Medicaid, and Medicare were put through the cost-benefit grinder and rendered bearable...
...In Stockton, California, despite years of Ms...
...The Washington, D.C...
...Brain also stands accused of entering into sexual congress with as many as twenty nubile cuties from his weirdo congregation...
...The Hon...
...Apparently the tough-looking plain-clothes brutes followed the women closely, peering at them through what looked like Brownie cameras...
...Our mothers, sisters, daughters, and wives may be reading...
...Christopher Brain of the Church of England was packed off to a psychiatric hospital after being involved in practices so controversial that close observers of the Church feared he had been caught preaching traditional Christian doctrine or, perhaps, praying in chapel when the parish "aerobics hour" was in session...
...Malveaux, and Mr...
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...Incidentally, the last time this creme de la creme of the Liberal intelligentsia appeared on this page, she was ridiculing Speaker Newt Gingrich for attributing to Franklin Roosevelt one of Winston Churchill's greatest lines: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself...
...Both men's last words included the traditional protests of innocence...
...of the Government Reform and Oversight Committee noted that Hillary Rodham Clinton's trip to the United Nations women's conference cost the United States $1.5 million...
...By noon the ladies were blaming President Zhelyu Zhelev for declining their invitation to meet with the no-shows...
...Johnson murdered a 75-year-old security guard while robbing a grocery store in 1978...
...The fourth United Nations Conference on Women concluded on September 15...
...Joey Buttafuoco, the felicitously named Don Giovanni of Mineola, New York, was sentenced to more time in jail for a parole violation involving—what else?—his sensuous nature...
...Even the Archbishop of Canterbury is irked, having heard that some of the services involve condoms scattered on the altar (wastefulness...
...landing...
...His last meal centered upon a delicious prime rib, enhanced by a supple baked potato, garlic bread, coffee (not decaf), a Coca-Cola (not diet), and plenty of pistachio ice cream—no reason to worry about the cholesterol...
...Former White House press secretary Miss Dee Dee Myers concluded a special twelve-hour, alcohol-education program to avert a one-year sentence and $1,000 fine for driving while squiffed down the wrong way of a one-way street...
...Such was the heinousness of Senator Packwood's acts that they cannot even be mentioned in the pages of this magazine...
...Yet his contretemps has occasioned much chortling among religious skeptics, and London's Sunday Telegraph has given the Archbishop a hot foot, reporting that one man who underwent healing rites "claimed that consecrated Ribena—a nonalcoholic form of communion—had been poured down his underpants in order to cleanse him of lustful thoughts...
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...Many of the feminists felt threatened by the Chinese secret police...
...Church officials are inquiring, and may offer to pick up the cleaning bill...
...Charles Albanese, 58, became the nation's 298th person executed at government expense...
...In September Republican majorities in both congressional chambers pared down the bloated and corrupting American welfare state and sent it to the states for their prudent consideration...
...To receive your free cassettes and color literature, call toll-free:1-800-343-8014, ext...
...Cal Ripken broke the late Mr...
...Shortly thereafter, Bulgarian police provided the women with a safe conge...
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...Though the assembled feminists passed many ringing proclamations and heard a feisty dithyramb from Mrs...
...Clinton brought along, as well as the names of the additional staff members...
...A PBS panel show featuring Miss Brown, Dr...
...In Joliet, Illinois, Mr...
...Also in Britain, the Rev...
...President Bill Clinton returned from World War II commemorations in the Pacific where he referred to the battleship USS Missouri as an "aircraft carrier" and pronounced the bow of a ship as in "bow-tie" rather than as in "bow wow...
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...The women reported incidents of the police snapping their pictures without permission, perhaps with the intention of catching the gals in an unguarded moment—with their hair up in pin curlers or their mascara askew...
...Towards the end of the month our bulbous and lovable former-President Bill Clinton went on a fundraising tour while his wife went to China, perhaps to scout out a feasible place for asylum...
...George Stephanopoulos for leaving the scene of an accident, driving with an expired license, and having expired plates on his car...
...PBS luminary Dr...
...David Huffman, testified unexpectedly that he had killed a prostitute because he wanted to "ruin someone else's day...
...But, no, the chubby young cleric had been conducting lascivious services from the altar, and they must have been very lascivious...
...In KwaZulu-Natal Province near the town of Donnybrook, a crowd accused two men of attempted murder, provided them with rope, and successfully persuaded them to hang themselves...
...Hugh Grant on the floor of his BMW, was sentenced to 180 days in prison for violating probation...
...When a Washington Post reporter called her to inquire about Miss Malveaux's altercation—which included pulling the attendant's arm, calling still another a "stupid bitch" and a "whore," and cursing a nine-year-old girl who had bumped her seat—she was not very nice...
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...Buttafuoco would surely attract an attentive audience among the nation's under-50 professoriate...
...Bella Abzug's ploy of wearing a large hat...
...Carl Johnson, 40, became the nation's 297th individual to be executed since 1977...
...Hillary Rodham Clinton before she went off to a Mongolian herder's tent to write her syndicated column, there were difficulties...
...Albanese poisoned several members of his family...
...Former Vice President Dan Quayle never did that...
...In Britain, two goats found in the Cornwall countryside had to be destroyed after they were discovered with their throats cut, presumably during some New Age religious ritual...
...Julianne Malveaux, who also hosts a morning talk show in Washington, was convicted of assaulting a flight attendant during a rancorous passage from Detroit to Washington...
...Possibly they intended to send the pictures to the women's husbands, but few of the women have husbands...
...Rape Crisis Center's eight prestigious 1995 Visionary Awards, remains in a poisonous humor...
Vol. 28 • November 1995 • No. 11
