The Continuing Crisis
• August was the month during which Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton added yet another comedy act to the Clintons' burlesque. That syndicated column of hers, which showed such promise at the end of July...
...And along with the laughter the nicknames kept coming, too...
...On the feminist front August was also a very dismal month...
...They have been "committing offenses against the United States" on a daily basis since January 20, 1993...
...The president remains at large and only the Wall Street Journal has reported what is apparent for all to see: Mr...
...Perhaps someday she will win a Nobel Prize...
...Goettel, who wedded anti-vivisectionism with the drug culture, died of the traditional drug overdose, but his dog remains alive and available to any laboratory whose researchers might care to experiment on a house pet with vast exposure to second-hand heroin...
...Thus it will be another year before a federal court will have to decide whether the Citadel must carry in its library Cosmopolitan or Seventeen...
...To receive your free cassettes and color literature, call toll-free:1-800-343-8014, ext...
...Inspired by what perturbation in the universe no one yet knows, the Hon...
...The indictment alleges that the indicted "and others known to the grand jury . . . did knowingly and willfully combine to conspire and agree with each other to commit offenses against the United States...
...Film star Miss Ida Lupino, "the poor man's Bette Davis," passed away, as did Mrs...
...Yet if August saw many eminentoes pass on, it also witnessed the return of at least one eminento from the dead...
...Illinois Democratic Congressman Mel Reynolds was convicted of sexual misconduct and obstruction of justice, throwing in doubt his future in the U.S...
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...Miss King discovered the pilferings while reviewing Miss Ivins's 1991 rechauffe collection, Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She...
...Even Martin Luther King Jr...
...She plagiarizes from the original writing of conservative-libertarian Miss Florence King...
...Ralph H. Smith, America's only elected town crier died...
...145, SHERIDAN, INDIANA 46069 The American Spectator October 1995 9...
...Gary Hart suggested that he may be ready to heave his toupee into the ring and campaign for his old Senate seat...
...Mickey Mantle died...
...In new indictments of three Clinton cronies, Governor Jim Guy Tucker, Mr...
...Kirk Douglas, was arrested at Los Angeles International Airport after a flight during which he was "loud and obnoxious...
...Oveta C. Hobby, the first secretary of health, education, and welfare...
...Often acclaimed the cleverest and boldest commentator on the American left, columnist Miss Molly Ivins revealed in August the source of her prodigious talent...
...Susan McDougal, there was this cryptic term, "others known to the grand jury...
...CBSI 486 Computer Included Begin part-time and still retain the security of your present position...
...On the Liberal lifestyle front, Mr...
...Robert Murray, 32, was executed by lethal injection for murdering two cab drivers in 1985...
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...Miss Borden is the early feminist who allegedly hacked her parents to death, thus inspiring the women's movement's anthem: "Lizzie Borden took an ax / And gave her mother forty whacks / And when the job was nicely done / She gave her father forty-one...
...She has apologized for her "inexcusably sloppy" work...
...Alas, Miss Faulkner did not even finish Hell Week's first day of drills before pleading a case of the tummy thumps, becoming the Citadel's first female cadet to spend four days in the infirmary and tearfully withdrawing during the mandatory press conference...
...Even from South Africa the news is not happy...
...And there was more bad news for the women of the fevered brow...
...Miss Shannon Faulkner, the pioneering feminist named after an international airport in Ireland, won her two-and-a-half year legal battle to be the Citadel's first female cadet, but she lost her fight against bon-bons...
...This is a proven business an individual or couple can run...
...Even when sleeping in a tent with her big lovable lug of a husband she did not let us down...
...A feminist shrine is about to be trivialized...
...Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead, and Mr...
...Ha ha, that is a good one, Madame Cattle Futures...
...The champ earned $25 million for an 89-second altercation and promptly called another of his legendary press conferences where he heaved off witticisms and learned literary allusions with a geniality that again left spectators wondering when he will seek high public office or perhaps be made president of Harvard University...
...Does that mean he does not think the Clintons' cronies are going to jail...
...Well, you and I know who Others Known to the Grand Jury are...
...David Benjamin, was found guilty in New York City of performing an illegal abortion and then allowing his patient to bleed to death...
...His last word was, "Peace...
...Douglas, an animal rights stalwart, goes no place without his canine companion, and had placed it on a pillow on the seat next to him...
...Another high-ranking American politician has been found suffering from Rhodes Scholar syndrome...
...Ronald Evans announced that he is turning the former home of Miss Lizzie Borden into a bed-and-breakfast inn...
...Michael Caldwell, the Dutchess County Health Commissioner, objected to the cigarette holder's "subtle imagery...
...Tobacco connoisseurs enjoyed yet another vast laugh at the expense of the Prohibitionists, this one being capable of neutralizing a dozen years of chainsmoking and hookah inhaling, when on August 10 President Clinton ordered the Federal Drug Administration to regulate cigarette sales, promotion, and advertising...
...Even whilst camping out on summer holiday at a Rockefeller estate in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, the first lady was The Clown of American Commentary...
...On the tobacco front, a health official in Dutchess County, New York, has objected to the suggestion that Hyde Park, birthplace of FDR, adopt as its official symbol the famous profile of FDR clenching a cigarette holder between his teeth...
...And two pop stars shook their mortal coils, Mr...
...Even the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms has kept its powder dry...
...Obviously she can, but only after reading Miss King...
...Dwayne Goettel, founder of the controversial band, Skinny Puppy...
...What that might be he has yet to say, but it is known that the thirty-second president was an ardent bubble-gum chewer, and a silhouette of him blowing a pink bubble out of his mouth might be suitably edifying...
...He recommends an alternative be considered...
...Ira V. Lott, was arrested after officials discovered that he had sent a male patient a wedding ring, a letter containing the broad outlines of "marriage vows," and a container with certain of his bodily fluids, which he instructed his betrothed to rub upon his body...
...If you already own a computer, you may receive a discount...
...Tyson has a nicer disposition...
...The government reported that last year 277 people in the Northern Province alone were killed on suspicion of having been witches...
...Wrote the First Lady from her campsite amid the poison ivy and the chiggers: "I found refuge in Big Bird...
...Clinton's crass column is a choice example...
...In July a former Arkansas narcotics officer, L.D...
...Eric Douglas, the actor and son of Mr...
...Yet the FDA did nothing...
...Congress, and, who knows, plans to run for the presidency in 1996...
...Brown, linked then-Governor Clinton to a cocaine trafficking operation at Arkansas' Mena airport in 1984...
...In Fall River, Massachusetts, Mr...
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...In Las Vegas, Nevada, thousands of cash-paying sports fans proceeded to savor the return of pugilist Mr...
...Twain and Mencken were always being nabbed with other writers' lines, and we all know what a shameless plagiarizer Shakespeare was...
...In more Liberal lifestyle news, a chaplain at Saint Elizabeths Hospital, the Rev...
...Citadel officials had warned the corpulent cutie that the tube of fat around her ribs might ruin her Hell Week, but the thanks they got was a warning from Faulkner's lawyers that-they would seek federal court sanctions against the school for discussing their client's weight...
...The whole political world has grown up," he asseverated mysteriously...
...An abortion doctor, Dr...
...got caught...
...And there is still more bad news for the Prohibitionists, namely, ABC issued a public apology for accusing Philip Morris of fortifying its cigarettes with nicotine...
...Clinton is the highest ranking American official ever to be accused of having first-hand knowledge of cocaine trafficking...
...NOW sponsored a picket line outside the arena composed of scores of NOW members many of whom were virtual Mike Tyson look-alikes, though Mr...
...Murray's last meal was a hamburger with french fries...
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...Mike Tyson, a convicted date rapist, notwithstanding the official disapproval of the National Organization for Women...
...If the practice were to spread to America, there might be no women left to be Episcopalian priests...
...James B. McDougal, and Mrs...
...The Rev...
...Oh, Miss Ivins, these things happen to litterateuses all the time...
...The Grim Reaper was active...
...145 Or Write: COMPUTER BUSINESS SERVICES, INC., CBSI PLAZA, SM...
...In Cincinnati, Ohio, Mr...
...It is 8 The American Spectator October 1995 also alleged that he pinched a stewardess's buttocks after she asked that he put his traveling companion back in its cage...
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...He is also the highest-ranking official to be accused of sexual harassment, draft evasion, and banning the regulation of cigarette advertising...
...Or what about Hyde Park adopting a silhouette of FDR flossing his teeth or cleaning his ears...
...Finally, in the Potosi Correctional Center in Potosi, Missouri, Mr...
...Lott is also accused of committing sodomy aforethought with the patient...
...That syndicated column of hers, which showed such promise at the end of July with choice lines like "The first time I met Mother Teresa," sustained its comic genius for four weeks...
Vol. 28 • October 1995 • No. 10
