The Continuing Crisis
• If judged by the Armey standard, which holds that Mr. Clinton is delighted with any bad news so long as "he is never found guilty of a criminal act," July was another great month for our...
...Time magazine described how chicken magnate Don Tyson called in his chips within days of the inauguration last year to force Clinton agriculture secretary Mike Espy to bully Puerto Rico into becoming a dumping ground for Tyson dark meat...
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...What's the difference between Limbaugh and the `Hindenburg...
...Walesa—the first time in recorded memory that a member of Wellesley's Class of '69 has ever had anything nice to say about a woman with eight children...
...That's not the word in Tokyo, however, where 23-year-old Ken Tanaka is a suspect in ten cases that have seen young women robbed of their panties at knife8 The American Spectator September 1994 int...
...He was cheered when special counsel Robert - Fiske declared the death of long-time Clinton friend Vincent Foster a suicide at least six months in the making...
...As they say on the Imus show, "That O.J...
...congressman is currently doing time in a hoosegow, not even on the weekend...
...puppet in Panama Guillermo Endara, and the murderous Kim II-Sung, who for lack of a serious opponent on the world stage upped and died...
...One of Clinton's more compelling points in hawking guaranteed insurance for everyone was that "if you go to jail, you have it...
...Clinton is delighted with any bad news so long as "he is never found guilty of a criminal act," July was another great month for our president, the eighteenth such in succession...
...It didn't matter that Fiske's report linked Clinton in a major way to the "Travel Office" scandal...
...Rush Limbaugh and his faithful remained under siege from all the usual reliable sources—Anthony Lewis, Howard Kurtz, Ellen Hume, NOW, FAIR, FOUL, even Thomas Boswell—who nonetheless were outclassed by free associationist Garry Trudeau...
...At the Charleston, West Virginia city jail, that coverage evidently includes full dental—convicted armed robber Robert D. Shepard remained at large after scaling an 18-foot wall on a makeshift rope constructed from dental floss...
...a Doonesbury joke began...
...But then there's the world, and it's no more taken with Clinton than with cholera...
...Clinton any problem was getting in and out of the presidential limousine," the magazine said...
...Alas for Kim's brainwashed masses, Arkansas is not a major producer of Kleenex...
...It seemed the only thing that gave the graceful Mrs...
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...The president braved an endless barrage from the swelling ranks of the right-wing press...
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...According to a television analyst, one in every four American homes tuned in to watch the first day of the Simpson hearings, which is surely getting it backward, now that every self-reliant American household owns at least four television sets...
...None of the stolen property has been recovered...
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...Nor have any of the 2,160 golf balls shot into the Tokyo Bay by an unidentified 43-year-old local truckdriver unhappy with teeing off inside the city's cramped driving ranges, which anywhere else would double as handball courts...
...Clinton lost his famous temper over that ethical lapse—but not at himself...
...dependent Boris Yeltsin, the aging and ailing Francois Mitterrand, U.S...
...How is it, then, that the only American standing near the Reichstag this month and shouting—in German, no less—was Bill Clinton...
...Accompanying her diminutive husband into Gaza, Mrs...
...At first some thought it was a prop planted by Nina Totenberg for the opening night of Unquestioned Integrity, Mame Hunt's re-creation of the Clarence Thomas-Anita Hill hearings currently playing at Washington's Studio Theatre Secondstage...
...He's been charged with an environmental crime...
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...145, SHERIDAN, INDIANA 46069 The American Spectator September 1994 9...
...the other's just a dirigible...
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...The Associated Press, for instance, discovered the workings of a $400,000 slush fund going back to Clinton's days of innocence in Arkansas...
...It would be dandier still if George W., who is running for governor against the unspeakable Ann Richards, were also motivated by Mitchell's 1989 sabotaging of the capital gains tax cut, a defeat the Bush White House unknowingly never recovered from...
...Howell Heflin when he reached for a handkerchief during lunch in the Dirksen Senate cafeteria are said to be his wife's...
...Suha Arafat caused a stir when with the daring of Jeanne d'Arc she declared, "No, I will not wear the veil," whereupon a number of Gazans dubbed her Hillary Tawil Arafat (Tawil being the Arabic for Rodham...
...The New York Times (again) reported that Clinton himself had approached the U.S...
...Health care nationalization seemed deader than DOA...
...Spiro Agnew resigned over less...
...Senate majority leader George Mitchell's hopes of becoming commissioner of baseball have come to naught, thanks to a veto reportedly exercised by Texas Rangers managing partner George W. Bush, as payback for the shabby way Mitchell treated Bush senior a few years ago...
...But no, the women's panties pulled out of his pocket by Judiciary Committee member Sen...
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...What was that about sarcasm...
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...The Washington Post reported that fixer Bruce Lindsey has been making calls to stewardesses who served aboard Clinton's '92 campaign plane, warning them not to go public with Clinton's more memorable airborne come-ons, such as "Oh, I could get lost in those blue eyes" or "You don't know what that outfit does for me...
...The regulatory state is also cracking down on Japan's sumo wrestlers, whose association has banned silicon scalp implants, which is too bad since implants anywhere else on a sumo body would be superfluous...
...A Gallup poll found that a solid majority of Americans of all stripes feel that O.J...
...The Boy Statesman traveled to Riga, Warsaw, Naples, and Berlin...
...Among those openly contemptuous of Clinton internationally were U.S...
...But there was good news for the Chicago police: for the first time since 1968, the Democrats in 1996 will hold their national convention in the Windy City...
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...The New York Times reported that Tyson chicken attorney and Clinton pal James Blair put the muzzle on Madison renegade Jim McDougal during the '92 campaign, and that Clinton's secretary of the Navy has an even more dubious S&L past than McDougal...
...This sad expiry of Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter's new-found friend led Clinton to express his condolences to the people of North Korea—when he should have been sending them shiploads of Kleenex, given the unprecedented outpouring of tearful grief Kim's death precipitated in a land that has yet to sample the soft comforts of tissue paper...
...Simpson has been treated fairly by the judicial system so far, a view that's subject to appeal on the grounds that respondents were already familiar with the facts of the case when approached by pollsters...
...Meanwhile, in a big step toward nationalized Orange Juice, the Florida Citrus Commission severed ties with Limbaugh, effective mid-August...
...The Democratic Party's commitment to its own crime package was questioned when Roll Call reported that not a single U.S...
...comptroller of the currency Eugene Ludwig last New Year for advice on Whitewater...
...As he informed the Boston Globe, he promptly told the comptroller, "Gene, forget about it, you shouldn't even talk to me about this...
...Presumably the outfit in question wasn't a Donna Karan...
...Turning up the charm, she said she wished she had as many children as Mrs...
...The Washington Post (again) reported that Treasury strongmen Lloyd Bentsen and Robert Altman apparently lied regarding the date and number of their Whitewater-related meetings and White House contacts...
...Answer: "One's a flaming Nazi gasbag...
...Haiti became an escape from Rwanda, and by month's end the administration's official policy toward our tiny neighbor in the Caribbean had undergone so many permutations that New York writer Jacob Weisberg termed Clinton's latest position a "re-re-reversal" of his initial one...
...In Poland, our Hillary was on her best behavior, even if heavily under the influence of Wyborowa, a local commodity...
...Something to do with its "low-slung chassis...
...A Polish women's magazine lauded Hillary for giving "gathered journalists and press photographers much less cause for sarcasm than her husband did," and found her "at her most elegant" at the official dinner thrown by President Walesa...
...Even while the Shoemaker-Levy comet blasted into Jupiter, the star of Hillary Clinton continued to rise and shine and attract imitators...
Vol. 27 • September 1994 • No. 9
