The Continuing Crisis
• This installment of the Crisis includes late January and all but the last few days of February, as The American Spectator is again almost on schedule. Our investigations of the Clinton scandals...
...Ralph Nader, who has practically vanished...
...Perhaps he has some new theories on the fate of the lost 1930s aviatrix, Miss Amelia Earhart, or knows something of the whereabouts of Mr...
...This is a proven turnkey business an individual or couple can run...
...Then the aged impostor would dodder forward, on the arm of her adopted son...
...The director of the National Association of Master Bakers, Mr...
...Jackson's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame...
...In West Springfield, Massachusetts, members of the local chapter of Lesbian Avengers, Inc...
...And they would threaten to call the authorities unless £50 were immediately forked over...
...145 (in Indiana: 317-758-4415) Or Write: COMPUTER BUSINESS SERVICES, INC., CBSI PLAZA, STE...
...Michael Jackson settled a civil suit stemming from a 13-year-old boy's allegations of licentious sleep-overs with the Sinatra of the 1990s, police apprehended Mr...
...It was a dang [italics added] good thing we arrived when we did," intoned the stalwart officer, "or she would have died...
...And an 800 number was included to "America's Wildest, Hottest Phone Sex Service...
...The bakers' case, however, might be strengthened if their gingerbread men were anatomically correct, though, of course, kept away from young children and English college girls...
...Steven Brigida's attempt to flee prison was cut short when the trash bin in which he was surreptitiously transporting himself was scooped up by a trash-compacter and compressed into a tightly bound bale about one-fifth the size of the original load...
...According to his spokeswoman, Miss Dana Scanlon, he will "take a couple of days to get himself settled and then he'll probably have things to say to the press...
...Giambelluca's mother in her outdoor cage, and it was getting nippy...
...The marvel took place sometime in late January after trooper Domino arrived at the Rudd, Iowa home of Mr...
...The Politically Correct pox has befallen the United Kingdom, where employees of Gateway, Britain's fifth largest food retailer, are relabeling all gingerbread men "gingerbread persons...
...The men were encouraged to come to the garden in the dark of night and to disrobe in front of an illuminated sheet so that the still-hidden temptress might inspect their particulars...
...Lyndon LaRouche was released from a federal hoosegow after serving five years of a 15-year sentence for mail fraud and conspiracy to defraud the Internal Revenue Service...
...LaRouche, who has run for the presidency many times, seems to have a particularly nice touch with members of what was once referred to as the Hubert Humphrey wing of the Democratic Party...
...Chuck Jones, was found guilty of breaking into her quarters and stealing certain of her undergarment3 and several pairs of shoes...
...And this master of the macabre has not lost his deft verbal touch...
...10 The American Spectator March 1994 • In a related story, four men armed with a handgun robbed the gift shop of the Princess Alexandra Hospital in Harlow, England...
...Her complaint is that the ballet revolves around the superannuated theme of heterosexuality, which critics say has been the cause of two world wars, apartheid, poverty, and the rise of Rush Limbaugh...
...In Calaveras County, California, Mr...
...On the New Pieties front, the headmistress of a London school refused to allow cut-rate tickets to the ballet Romeo and Juliet to be distributed to her students...
...145, SHERIDAN, INDIANA 46069 The American Spectator March 1994 11...
...In Oakland, California, former governor Jerry Brown auspicated a nationally syndicated talk show early in February, cleverly slipping it in between January's earthquakes and some costly mudslides that afflicted the state later in February...
...In Lancaster, California, Mr...
...Phillips," who had been absent from work owing to a hangover, is entitled to sick pay...
...Pablo Delmonte, 33, whilst he defaced Mr...
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...He is hardly ever mentioned in the New Republic nowadays or even in the editorial swamps of the New York Times...
...Yet there are protests...
...Jones stunned a courtroom packed with many of New York City's most famous frotteurs and merkin collectors when he testified that he has acquired a "physical, sexual relationship" with Miss Maples's shoes...
...Spy is another of those magazines that appear every so often, claiming to be fearlessly "antiestablishment," though its money and personnel all issue from America's timid and philistine elites...
...The teacher, the improbably named Miss Jane Brown, declined the tickets, saying that "until books, film and theater reflected all forms of sexuality, she would not be involving her pupils in heterosexual culture...
...Lawrence Giambelluca, guns drawn...
...The Giambellucas had again left Mrs...
...About the time she tripped into Lillehammer, her former husband, now under indictment for conspiring to kneecap her opponent Miss Nancy Kerrigan, sold the Fox Network lewd pictures of Miss Harding...
...There is egg on the face of the surgical staff at the renowned Weifang Medical Institute in China's Shandong province...
...The unnamed lady—frail and appearing humorless—has been given an unspecified suspended sentence for luring more than a hundred young men into her garden by pretending she was sex-starved...
...Under the Clinton health care plan the thing might never have occurred...
...One week after Mr...
...Congratulations must be extended to Iowa State trooper Mark Domino...
...Now this artless' venture in self-promotion has gone belly-up, its chest-beating writers and editors for the most part having found safe harbors back in conventional American journalism, where conformity, is the comfortable bulwark of stupidity...
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...On February 16, Miss Marla Maples's former publicist, Mr...
...During his studies of Eastern mysticism, he once went fifty-seven days without a change of underwear...
...Financing available...
...Apparently it will never return for Spy, the hot, hot, hot magazine of a decade ago...
...Both would be dressed as medical workers, and in peremptory tone's they would notify the startled youths that a 92-year-old woman was dying in the bedroom above them...
...Trooper Domino is the first American in 1994 to be quoted in the national press using the word "dang...
...The American Civil Liberties Union has yet to act...
...The messages said, "Girls who love girls and women who love women are OK...
...You do not need to own, or know ,how to run, a computer–we will provide free, home office training...
...The United States Olympic Committee paid its respects to President Clinton's Dogpatch Presidency by sending Miss Tonya Harding to represent the Great Republic in the Winter Olympics...
...Brigida suffered broken bones and the lusty ridicule of many Lancastrians...
...Our investigations of the Clinton scandals wreaked havoc with our last two deadlines, but normalcy is returning...
...They would demand to know what the scantily clad patheticos were doing in their garden...
...They passed up the cash but completely cleaned out the shop's supplies of teddy bears and chocolates...
...After asking a television crew to film the staff's first attempt at open-heart surgery, they discovered too late that they had operated on the wrong patient...
...The wretch was in truth a young man who had merely checked into the hospital for a tonsillectomy...
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...Brown gibbered portentously, "People who work in a fish factory don't realize they stink...
...In an attempt to brighten the somber lives of hundreds of local motorists, city officials in Longmonth, Colorado, have vowed to replace their conventional "dead end" street signs with perkier "no outlet" signs...
...If you picture a loaf of bread," chortled Mr...
...They were snapped on her wedding night...
...Democratic reformers were given renewed hope when Mr...
...Also from the United Kingdom comes word that condign punishment has been briskly meted out to a 75-year-old woman guilty of what is perhaps the cruelest sex hoax of modern times...
...Canadian alcoholics received a much-deserved boost when a Canadian arbitration panel rendered the finding that an employee of the Metro Toronto Housing Authority, referred to only as "E...
...are being threatened with criminal reprisals for handing out candy and Valentine's Day messages at a local grade school...
...Mike Muller, general manager of Waste Management of Lancaster, "he was in the middle of that loaf...
...If you already own a computer, you may receive a discount...
...This is absolutely ridiculous...
...While claiming to be iconoclastic and cosmopolitan, Spy almost always targeted conservatives, and frequently Jewish conservatives...
...Bob Shepard and his wife Connie were arraigned on charges that they unlawfully milked slime from four toads for the liquid's psychedelic effects...
...David Harbourne, insists that "Gingerbread men have been around in some shape or form since the seventeenth century...
...Using a telephone message service, she would tell the men that she was a young and voluptuous airline stewardess "ready for anything to satisfy their desires...
...Elvis Presley, or of Mr...
...Witnesses who heard the testimony discount the theory that he made the statement in hopes of landing a high-level position in the Clinton administration...
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...Naturally, most of the young men were German exchange students, and many seem to have derived profound satisfaction from the ordeal...
...and Mrs...
...Asked to explain his metamorphosis from presidential candidate to talk-show host, Mr...
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Vol. 27 • March 1994 • No. 3
