The Continuing Crisis
• On January 20, Governor Bill Clinton was inaugurated 42nd President of the United States and the stock market lost 14 points. January went like this. On January 13, a task force from the United...
...As a public service to Yankee readers, what follows is a particularly memorable passage from the Prince's bedtime telephone talk with Mrs...
...It has never been all that clear what Mr...
...In Bangkok, Thailand, a Buddhist monk was arrested after being caught in flagrante delicto with a female corpse in his temple, though it is possible that the lady was actually alive and a steadfast follower of Gloria Steinem...
...Ch: Oh, God...
...diplomat suspected in the 1980s of spying for the Soviet Union, was charged with stealing $100 worth of groceries in Chapel Hill, North Carolina...
...Zheng Yi indicate that the Cultural Revolution of the 1960s was not only a Marxist-Leninist dream but also a gastronome's delight...
...Gary Sick, a former member of President Jimmy Carter's National Security Council, published an essay to this effect in the New York Times...
...The last days of the Bush presidency witnessed an unseemly outbreak of anti-Hinduism...
...Leroy Wilkinson, 46, of Queens, New York, pled guilty to blowing up his goat and was sentenced to five days of community service, though it has not been reported how he might serve...
...So do I. I need you all the week, all the time...
...laughs) Cam: You are a complete idiot...
...In Canastota, New York, 130 cows were poisoned on one farm alone...
...Ch: What about me...
...In Saudi Arabia, Mr...
...Sick may be suffering from an Alzheimer-related disease known as Chumpheimer's disease...
...In South Australia it was a different story...
...David Brown, 32, seemed faintly pleased when a Saudi religious court sentenced him to a stiff caning for his use of foul language at the British-run King Khaled National Guard Hospital...
...With Alzheimer's the patient forgets things that once were...
...Andre Agassi, who perhaps looks much prettier when shaven...
...American liberals, many Democrats, and others of an equally malignant disposition had come to believe in the existence of such a plot after Mr...
...Priscilla Presley, and Mr...
...Alas, now it turns out that Mr...
...I'll just live inside your trousers or something...
...Finally, the Crisis Continues in London, where a secretly taped telephone conversation between Prince Charles and his innamorata, Camilla Parker Bowles, dispels claims that he is a "cold fish" but also presents the royal family with a slight public relations problem...
...David Harkness entered upon what might be called a divorce of convenience...
...The lizard, known for its elegance and quick intelligence, had not been seen in Australia since 1959...
...Ch: My luck to be chucked down a lavatory and go on and on forever swirling round on the top, never going down...
...English naturalists are inveterate hikers, and those who have not shriveled themselves into anorexia nervosa with disgusting vegetarian regimens might well tempt the robust appetites of these misplaced carnivores whilst tramping over hill and dale and singing the naturalists' usual lunatic anthems...
...Documents smuggled out of China by Mr...
...Spike Lee, has been notifying journalists that AIDS was concocted by the American government to wipe out the black and Hispanic communities...
...Ch: Or, God forbid, a Tampax...
...It would be much easier...
...Cam: (laughs) What are you going to turn into, a pair of knickers...
...In condom news, Miss Natalie A. Lerma-Solis has received U.S...
...Cam: Then I'm all right...
...Cam: Yes you do!Ch: Then you can cope...
...Zoe Baird, withdrew her name once it was learned that her kitchen staff was a virtual sweatshop, despite her family's annual income of nearly three-quarters of a million dollars...
...And in Pryor, Oklahoma, Mr...
...In Des Moines, Iowa, Mr...
...The trouble is I need you several times a week...
...Apparently, the revolutionary cannibalism was frequently organized by party officials with a disregard for public-health standards that would shock American liberals...
...Alas, now Prince Charles will have the environmentalists against him owing to this ecologically repugnant disposal of a Tampax...
...And so it was off to Tijuana for these two yuppies who now are rumored to be cohabiting without benefit of state certification...
...Populist President Bill Clinton's nominee for attorney general, Mrs...
...In Clay County on the outskirts of Kansas City, Missouri, a series of what officials described as "drive-by cow shootings" left ten cows dead in one week...
...Harkness's election to the board of the famed Broadlawns Medical Center was almost invalidated when it was discovered that in contravention of regulations his wife, now the former Mrs...
...In Auburn, California, Mr...
...Chances for a powerful new political alliance between environmentalists and nudists loomed large after officials in Encinitas, California, expressed interest in combating beach erosion by replacing lost sand with ground glass...
...On January 3, the Cold War was shoved ever further back in history as Presidents Boris Yeltsin and George Bush signed the fifth nuclear-arms-limitation treaty in Moscow...
...British naturalists were dismayed by findings that the UK's robin redbreast population has declined by as much as 24 percent over the past year...
...both laugh) Oh you're going to come back as a pair of knickers...
...Roger Williams, 39, was arrested after he used a .45-caliber semiautomatic pistol to shoot his truck...
...Mason 0. Crist pled not guilty to peeping at Olympic swimming champion Miss Summer Sanders...
...Cam: It's like that program "Start the Week...
...Harkness, was a nurse at the hospital...
...Cam: Mmm...
...A recent sufferer, Mr...
...President Bill Clinton was not yet inaugurated when fate presented him with his first candidate for a presidential pardon...
...Thousands of strict Marxists not only put their lax countrymen through re-education and torture, but in Guangxi Province they ate some...
...Nor did it reassure them to read that the English countryside is now inhabited by hundreds of pumas and lynxes...
...His troubles worsen...
...The snake had been squashed on a road 100 miles north of Adelaide, and once the wondrous contents of its stomach had been revealed it was only a matter of time before naturalists located a thriving colony of the pygmy blue tongues...
...In recent years many on the left have suffered this debilitating affliction...
...On January 13, a task force from the United States House of Representatives reported that it could find "no credible evidence" to support allegations that back in October 1980 the Reagan-Bush campaign entered into a plot with the late Ayatollah Khomeini to delay the release of American hostages then held in Iran...
...patent number 5,172,480 for her Condom Pocket Underwear, a line of both ladies' and men's underwear featuring a zippered pocket for what has become one of the essentials of modern life...
...Just my luck...
...Some have become extremely jealous of the lizard's superior intelligence...
...laughs) Oh what a wonderful idea...
...With Chumpheimer's the patient remembers things that never were...
...Three days later, in a dramatic demonstration of how important it is to keep in touch, British peace activist, Mr...
...RET...
...Bloch's politics are, though the suspicions that he raised in the 1980s suggest that he is very much an anti-war activist, and with his arrest in Chapel Hill it is now manifest that his views on how wealth is created coincide nicely with those of many in the Clinton Administration...
...I can't start the week without you...
...but authorities will keep the location of the colony secret lest local farmers do it damage...
...Bowles: Cam...
...Ch: Oh God...
...There the news was auspicious for friends of the lower orders, after the flattened presence of a pygmy blue tongue lizard was found within the stomach of a deceased snake...
...I can't bear a Sunday night without you...
...A huge row ignited over President Bill Clinton's plan to end the military's ban on poofters in the barracks...
...On January 10, Felix Bloch, the former U.S...
...Ch: I fill your tank...
...His talents could be used, of course, at the Queens dog pound...
...Crist has faced similar charges for his pursuit of women, and in his apartment police found letters of an impertinent character addressed to the unfortunate Miss Sanders, Miss Elizabeth Taylor, Mrs...
...Chris Cole, 29, was nabbed in London after he broke into a British Aerospace plant, shouted biblical passages, and hammered $770,000 worth of missile parts, which was most unnecessary given recent world events...
...Clinton's choice as secretary of health and human services, Miss Donna Shalala, publicly denied that she is a lesbian while failing*to explain why her last name is an inscrutable lyric in a 1950s pop song...
...and Mrs...
Vol. 26 • March 1993 • No. 3
