The Continuing Crisis
HTE CONTINUING CRISIS • December departs, stage left, and with it 1992, a strange year. In the last month of that strange year the President-elect, who by this time next year will have proved to be...
...Walsh's Iran-contra victims, including Caspar Weinberger and Elliott Abrams...
...It was not excellence, not competence, not even trustworthiness but diversity, which, like so many of Mr...
...WASPs were underrepresented, as were women, Midwesterners, and people with flat feet...
...Yes, Squidgy...
...In the house," Russia's Itar-Tass news agency reported, "it was as if time had stood still since 1947...
...On Christmas Eve, President George Bush made an attempt on the life of "independent" counsel Lawrence E. Walsh by pardoning six of Mr...
...The pig, a sow owned by Mr...
...Tim Pink, "had," in the proud owner's words, "just come into heat for the first time and she went out hunting for a mate...
...In 1947 Miss Frankevich secreted herself under the bed to escape security police who had taken her father away during one of those Stalinist purges that the Nation magazine insisted were not taking place...
...If you'd like to join me in the fight, leave your name and address and remember to vote for Jerry Brown...
...Light was also shed on the Assembly's low level of intellect when Mr...
...The "fairy tale" marriage of the Prince and Princess of Wales headed towards the rocks, thanks quite possibly to the stratagems of real fairies...
...Cora Bruck, 86, has decided to contest the will of her brother, Mr...
...William Jefferson Clinton's other boasts, is a lovely-sounding impossibility...
...Our philosopher king has deluded himself into thinking that his choices reflect some more elevated principle...
...Back in the United Kingdom, a giant pig attacked a man, trapping him in a telephone booth near historic Littledean, Gloucestershire...
...In Terryville, Connecticut, Kevin Elliot, a 33-year-old jogger, was mistaken for a deer and shot...
...It was surprisingly easy...
...Walsh survived the attack physically but became even more erratic and in maniacal outbursts spoke of his plans to impeach former President Ronald Reagan and renew his investigation of Mr...
...In Falmouth, Kentucky, Mr...
...Two roguish Navy recruiters in Redding, California, were diciplined when their superiors discovered that they had misinformed several female recruits, telling them that they had to strip so the men could take down their measurements...
...On December 22, a private group charged with measuring recessions, the Business Cycle Dating Committee of the National Bureau of Economic Research, announced that the recently abominated recession actually ended in March 1991, casting new doubt on the intelligence of the 1992 presidential contenders, the media, and some 43 percent of the electorate...
...And the spirit of Ralph Nader endures...
...And another stern figure of American reform was in the news in December, former California Governor Brown...
...Officials withheld the identity of the unwilling—albeit porcine—mate out of solicitude for the flabbergasted man's feelings...
...In the last month of that strange year the President-elect, who by this time next year will have proved to be a strange President, finished naming twenty-three people to the highest posts in his government...
...The resourceful Miss Pieterse strangled the plumed assailant...
...American Marines encountered surprisingly little hostility after coming ashore in Somalia to assist in the distribution of aid to the famished natives...
...Brown may be a candidate in the Los Angeles mayoral race in April, and Jerry, you are going to need every vote, even of pranksters...
...The citizenry of Littledean, Gloucs...
...In Los Angeles, California, Mr...
...There was more diversity at New Hampshire's annual Roadkill Auction, where in mid-December some 200 bidders could purchase bears, coyotes, wild turkeys, porcupines, foxes, opossums, porcupines, deer, raccoons, bobcats, dozens of species of birds, and a lone mole, selling for $2.50...
...has long been known for lacerating wit and occasionally insensitive jocosity...
...Thus it is possible that by coming out of hiding and entering the 1992 Ukrainian mainstream Miss Frankevich might actually have lowered her standard of living...
...RET 10 The american spectator Februmry 1993...
...Miss Annalie Pieterse, while jogging through the South African countryside, was attacked by an ostrich...
...He keeps the lights dim so that Labour MPs will not be embarrassed by the prevalance of food stains on their clothing...
...The incoming Clinton Administration can make wholesome use of those "peepholes" as the government finally gets tough with cigarette smokers, and such other antisocial miscreants as salt consumers, cholesterol bingers, and dealers in black market disposable diapers...
...Moreover, several of the older Labour MPs are given to removing their teeth during protracted sessions so that they can quietly gum their "chowder sop" and "fuegzy tuegzy," those venerable working-class euphoriants...
...I believe by eliminating the minority races, crime, rape, and drugs will slowly be eliminated...
...Then on December 9, a visibly disturbed Prime Minister John Major electrified the House of Commons with his electrifying announcement that the fairy tale couple had decided to live apart...
...In the aptly named Chagrin Falls, Ohio, Mrs...
...Major Orestes Lorenzo Perez, the valiant Cuban pilot who last year defected from Fidel's Eden with a Soviet-built MIG, returned in an aging Cessna 310 on December 19 for one minute to startle Fidel's jailkeepers, scoop up his family, and return to that maw of Kapitalist Imperialism, Florida...
...In an enlightened attempt to lessen social tension, officials in Montpelier, Vermont, are implementing a policy change that could presage happiness nationwide...
...In India, more than 200 people perished in rioting between Hindus and Muslims on December 7, the fifty-first anniversary of the bombing of Pearl Harbor...
...The only reason for the peepholes being there is for employees of the hotel to watch people undressing, showering, or involved in sexual intercourse," said the plaintiffs' lawyer, Mr...
...His standard for choosing them was, in point of fact, a strange standard...
...William Cruxton, 82, who died in November and left most of his $500,000 estate to a 17-year-old waitress who served him daily at Dink's Colonial Restaurant...
...Jerry Summer, who sounds a bit sex-crazed...
...Marilyn Heaton and her nubile 18-yearold daughter, Tara, filed a lawsuit against the Holiday Inn corporation upon discovering a "peephole" in their Holiday Inn room in Cleveland, Tennessee...
...Brian J. Rose was convicted of selling his four-month old son to a police undercover agent for $1,000, including state and local taxes...
...Moreover, the New Hampshire bidders recognized that they were making their choices purely on the basis of animal attributes...
...Mandel pleaded no contest to the fires...
...Restrictions against smoking in Vermont' s state prisons are being relaxed so that inmates will be more agreeable, and the policy seems to work...
...The Iranian Revolutionary News Service reported that "a taxi with five passengers and its driver were swallowed up" on Imam Khomeini Avenue—where else...
...Jacob Mandel, described by his many barbers as "obsessive about his hair," took exception to haircuts he received in three San Fernando Valley barber shops and burned them to the ground...
...Russia's President Boris Yeltsin won a month-long political struggle to preserve his economic reforms, encouraging Miss Olga Frankevich of picturesque Vishneve, Ukraine, to come out from under her bed where she had been hiding for the past forty-five years...
...Earlier this year, Mrs...
...Anterior to this month's rocks, British media reported a secretly taped conversation between Princess Diana and an unidentified man who cleverly addressed her as "Squidgy...
...Squidgy" indeed...
...At the end of the month, he congratulated himself on making appointments "reflecting the face of America," though his appointments tapped no Asians, few Catholics, no Scandinavians, few bald men, no Perotists, no Republicans, not one avowed homosexual, no East European Gentiles or Jews...
...Psychiatrists identify this as a classic cry for help...
...In Atlanta, Georgia, a spokesman for Holiday Inn announced that all of its 1,700 hotels will be checked for "peepholes...
...Diversity...
...In Albany, New York, state officials made an unexpected admission of their own moral turpitude and general wretchedness when the state Assembly's members agreed to attend a one-day training session designed to discourage sexual harassment...
...He insists that that white supremacist message discovered on his 800 number was the work not of him but of a prankster...
...Quoth the message: "The We the People organization is a white supremacy movement for we the people, meaning white Aryan race...
...Bush...
...Of course, the House of Commons has been amply electrified for decades, but usually the lights are kept very dim by the Lord Highlighter, traditionally attired in eighteenth-century powdered wig and pants with attached "feeties" and a buttoned flap across the bottom...
...I grabbed his neck, wringing it like a turkey's...
...Saul Weprin, the Assembly's so-called speaker, asseverated that "we're all against sexual harassment, but I don't think a lot of us know what it is...
...Ohio University patented a virus-resistant mouse...
...Smokers to the barricades...
Vol. 26 • February 1993 • No. 2
