The Continuing Crisis
The Continuing Crisis - November is as a do do! It is also the month Americans celebrate Thanksgiving, and this year the turkey came early. On the other hand, twelve years of incomparable Democratic whining may be at an...
...Hey, lighten up, Rich...
...The United States withdrew from Subic Bay, the Philippines...
...No one was injured, and no American aside from a few scholars of old English could explain what an "abseiling stunt" might be...
...Burchfield was charged with burglary and criminal mischief by arresting officer Richard Wiltermood (pronounced Vil'turood¡ªthe m being silent in keeping with Officer Wiltermood's life-long insistence that the alphabet contains only twenty-five letters, none with two humps...
...On the other hand, twelve years of incomparable Democratic whining may be at an end...
...In Martinsville, Indiana, Mr...
...Vernon Jordan could preside over his transition team...
...Martinez, known on campus as Berkeley's "Naked Guy," had been attending class stark naked to further freedom of expression and several more of the Liberal mysteries...
...Dare...
...Before even entering the White House, Mr...
...Ellis himself was wearing at this historic meeting...
...After the hearing, the nicely tanned and trim Mr...
...tomatoes are good for you...
...The musically inclined Mr...
...On November 3, George Bush lost the presidency to Governor Bill Clinton, that singular presidential nominee whom the Democrats chose from the weakest field of Democratic contenders in this century (half were retired politicians and one was an obvious narcoleptic...
...As President Weizsaecker's egg and tomato¨Cbespattered image retired into a waiting limousine, the thought occurred that were he to boil his clothing it would make a delicious soup, and such an economical use of available resources might give his leftist tormentors a much more sanguine view of him...
...In Japan, the Yokohama Tire Company recalled hundreds of tires that it had placed on Jeep Grand Cherokees designated for Brunei, after a Brunei holy man discovered that the tire tread resembled a line from the Koran deemed offensive to Islam...
...On November 9 in Berlin, Germany, an angry mob of leftists spoiled Germany's Unity Day by pelting German President Richard von Weizsaecker (pronounced Wiseacre) with eggs and organically grown tomatoes containing neither chemicals nor pesticides and posing absolutely no health hazard to the visibly discomfited German leader...
...Martinez asseverated, "It's kind of typical that the university is taking this authoritarian approach...
...Salman Rushdie, author of Satanic Verses and now a sadder-but-wiser abominator of Mrs...
...Marion Barry, entered the ring to defeat a valiant Mr...
...City workers attempting to resolve flooding problems in Alexandria, Indiana's Riverview Avenue have pulled a 200-pound hairball from the sewer beneath that historic street...
...We argued that those unlucky regions of American life that might fall to the radicals' rants would become cheerless sloughs of drug addiction, sexually transmitted diseases, and various other neoteric pathologies...
...Anything which portrays Jesus in a casual form of entertainment is degrading," Dr...
...The Conservative Crack-Up arrived on schedule, and by November 18, President-elect Clinton was demonstrating that the Liberal Crack-Up, replete with left-wing zanies in every belfry, still maintains its old dynamism for bringing your basic prehensile Democratic pol to foozle...
...Abdul Fadli Talib, 24, an off-duty bus conductor died after swallowing his dentures whilst sleeping in a bus bound for Seremban, a city that has been called the Body Odor Capital of the World...
...RET...
...And in her nationally syndicated newspaper column, Dr...
...Happy days are here again...
...The next day her staff denied this apparent attempt at a coup...
...Do I hear your knees shaking, Mr...
...New York's Museum of Modern Art may have a new addition...
...From Kuala Lumpur comes word that Mr...
...Moreover, the mysterious Hillary resumed the shocking use of her maiden name, and someone on her staff notified a Washington journalist, Mr...
...Evander Holyfield for the heavyweight title of the world...
...If you were pelted by rightists, would they bombard you with such nutritious ingredients, all free of modern contaminants...
...According to the newspaper Abrar in Teheran, Iran's state-run Panzdah Khordad Foundation has raised the bounty on Mr...
...Iqbal Saccrani of the Action Committee declared upon telephoning the series' producers, and he expressed his "anger and revulsion...
...Mike Buchanan of WUSA-TV, that she will adopt the term "presidential partner" rather than "first lady...
...Bill Dare got the message (the Action Committee had coordinated the UK campaign against Rushdie) and promised never to use the offending puppet again, adding that he had never used a puppet of Mohammed because "we don't poke fun at minorities in this country...
...Ever optimistic, Senator Bob Dole urged President Bush to pardon Former Secretary of Defense Cap Weinberger and other Iran-contra defendants...
...The Vatican newspaper, L'Osservatore Romano, cautioned President-elect Clinton against leading the United States into immorality, stressing that its forebodings were based on "deeply rooted moral concern," and perhaps on Miss Gennifer Flowers's lascivious interview in Penthouse magazine...
...Hats off to Mr...
...Warren Christopher and Mr...
...Andrew Martinez, and for that matter pants off and shirt off and all other manner of raiment...
...Presently the support of students at the University of Chicago and Harvard made it the national magazine of anti-radical students...
...The oft-disparaged Islamic faith was in the news with at least two stories of a positive nature...
...The staff of The American Spectator killed off the month preparing to celebrate on December 2 the Twenty-fifth Anniversary of the magazine...
...I don't think he has to take this father figure attitude and say 'No, I won't talk to you.' " Alas, Vice Chancellor Ellis would not talk to Mr...
...Over in Oxford, sozzled by the beards and the sandals, Boy Clinton demurred...
...Thatcher, to over $2 million...
...but the universi ty threw the book at him when he attended Vice Chancellor Russell Ellis's disciplinary hearings wearing only a back pack...
...He shoved off to Moscow to see a future that works...
...The era of criminalizing government faux pas may be adjourned...
...Clinton had provoked rows over poofters in the foxhole, Haitians spilling across south Florida, and a visionary "ethics" standard so abundant with loopholes that Mr...
...Larry Burchfield, 28, was arrested at 3 a.m., after he broke into a private home and awakened its owners by playing their piano...
...In London, the Duchess of Beaufort, 63, was found hanging from a ten-story building at the Gloucester Royal Hospital during what the Sunday Telegraph called an "abseiling stunt...
...Riddick Bowe, after intoning several inscrutable Islamic orisons in the presence of Washington insider Mr...
...During a golf outing in Little Rock, Arkansas, President-elect Clinton took our Lord's name in vain...
...Its writers believed that the 1960s radicals would transform American universities into anti-intellectual sanctums of mediocrity, Vietnam into a Communist hoosegow...
...The ruling body of the Church of England voted to make its priesthood bisexual...
...This is supposed to be a dialogue between us...
...That huge python found in the Philippine presidential palace garden was cooked and eaten by palace guards...
...And when British Christians were slow to apprise the producers of the satirical television series "Spitting Image" that they displayed poor taste in featuring a rubber puppet of a grotesque hippie-style Jesus Christ, the United Kingdom Action Committee for Islamic Affairs leapt to Jesus' defense with good effect...
...Magic Johnson re-retired from the National Basketball Association...
...Tom Humphries, supervisor for the city' s water management department, remarked that "we thought we had a goat, at first," but it will be a fine gesture when he and his colleagues donate the intriguingly woven ball to MOMA...
...Martinez, nor would his office answer our repeated telephone queries as to what Mr...
...November is as a dodo...
...Spitting Image" spokesman Mr...
...Among the Democrats, fears about the federal deficit are evanescing even now, along with alarums over the trade deficit, the power of the presidency, "litmus" tests for the judiciary, the disappearance of wetlands, Irangate, Iraqgate, and the spelling of potato...
...The Church and all 'custodians of morality will be closely following how frequently our incoming President orders flowers in the Oval Office...
...If they persist, a dermatologist should be consulted, and perhaps a heating repairman...
...Eggs, too...
...Martinez is the young visionary who has been suspended from class and barred from campus at the ridiculous University of California at Berkeley, home of the late Free Speech Movement and so many other spectacles of quaint left-wing guff...
...June M. Reinisch notified readers that post-orgasmic "goose' bumps" are perfectly normal but should disappear within fiye minutes...
...When the magazine was founded it was merely an attempt by non-radical students at Indiana University to boot the New Left's Students for a Democratic Society from control of student government...
Vol. 26 • January 1993 • No. 1
