The Continuing Crisis
• September was President Bill Clinton's best month yet! All right, it was his first good month. Okay, maybe "good" is stretching it, but all his other months have been worse, including January, in...
...It's building cooperation, developing coordination and putting action behind the issues...
...Hillary Rodham Clinton never wore the same hairdo three hours in row...
...All it takes is a computer, a modem and a local phone call...
...Finally he returned to the White House...
...And ABC's "20/20" on February 24 broadcast the first interview with the estimable Mrs...
...Friends of President Kolingba, however, say that the pardons demonstrate a progressive streak that has been growing in President Kolingba ever since he somehow began to receive fundraising appeals from the Democratic National Committee and learned what a hell of a mess the world is in...
...Okay, maybe "good" is stretching it, but all his other months have been worse, including January, in which he had scarcely eleven days to exert his buffoonish powers...
...New York City's high estate as a cultural center suffered yet again when the American Museum of Natural History finally shipped the skeletons of four Eskimos to Greenland for interment...
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...When asked if she did it for "revenge," she replied: "No . . . I was scared and I just wanted him to leave me alone...
...Lamentably, its intricacies and deceptions were leaking all over Washington days in advance, and occasionally falling into the hands of those blessed Americans who can read...
...The body of Ferdinand Marcos was returned to the Philippines under the watchful chin of his son Ferdinand "Bong Bong" Marcos, Jr...
...Then it announced that the troops would be in a NATO command structure, then a U.N...
...The Central African Republic's outgoing President Andre Kolingba pardoned him and all convicts being held in the country's twenty prisons, in a move that Bangui's political cognoscenti believe was meant as a practical joke...
...In Melbourne, Australia, a government tribunal is forcing a ballet school, the Sefra Burstin School of Dance, to move after the lawyers for a brothel next door complained that the young ballerinas were harassing both the lupanar's clients and ladies of delight by "grabbing Minties and running out" Mr...
...Andrew Martinez, the celebrated University of California student who has been appearing on campus naked and attempting to attend class clothed only in a backpack, which is hardly the point...
...President Clinton responded with his usual hurt feelings...
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...I have worked harder to get better cost estimates on this than anybody ever has," he mewled, adding that Senator Moynihan is "a very brilliant man, but he and his committee staff have not done anything like the work that I've done...
...It's simple and low cost...
...He jogged through Central Park and changed his mind about the American role in Somalia...
...A Barney the Dinosaur impersonator was beaten by three boys, ages 10, 11, and 12, at a Galveston, Texas K-mart...
...Now they will receive a traditional Eskimo burial in the Arctic permafrost, unless ecologists get wind of the operation...
...2) Throughout September, Mrs...
...In September, President Clinton "seen his opportunities" and he took 'em...
...Mrs...
...3) Hillary is performing much better on television...
...But in September his approval rating soared to 50 percent, though his disapproval rating remained a gruesome 30 percent...
...That Boy Clinton has been doing pushups on the White House lawn, or cleaning out the garage, or that he expects teacher to give him an "A" for effort...
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...One is Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan, who adjudged the plan's financing scheme a "fantasy...
...Otherwise, he was a model chief of state...
...What is this change-of-shirt stuff, and when will we get the lowdown on it...
...during interviews her eyes still do not move when her face moves, but she is smiling sometimes...
...No sooner had the Department of Education reported that almost half the American population can barely read or write, than the president promptly unveiled his National Healthcare Contraption...
...Ted Koppel held a "town hall" meeting in which President Bill Clinton manifested symptoms of logorrhea so alarming that the New York Times reported it on the front page of its September 25 edition...
...Don't be left out...
...Then it announced plans to send troops...
...Television journalism sparkled with sevetal historic interviews during the month...
...They had been brought to the museum by the explorer Commodore Robert E. Peary and were for years the source of controversy...
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...The Clinton administration announced plans to intervene in Bosnia...
...RET • ^ ^ II I/ s 0 tut% AIMNob Olt \NET I. • - #911P ^ " 44, as What's Putting THE ACTION Behind Conservative Ideas...
...Several factors account for the rise in his ratings: (1) With the end of summer, the insidious press could no longer show those disgusting shots of 13oy Clinton overwhelming his swimming trunks...
...And there have not been any of those mysterious reports in the New 'York Times about his traveling around the country with a "change of shirt...
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...Mrs Bobbitt explained in memorable language her rationale for severing her husband's penis from his -person, after a session of unsatisfactory conjugal embrace...
...Then he changed his mind about America's role in New York City...
...After Israel and the PLO made peace and exchanged pleasantries during a September gathering at the White House, Secretary of State Warren Christopher appeared wide awake in interviews on all the major networks and may be asked to appear on Oprah to explain how he is overcoming narcolepsy in his narcolepsy support group...
...What does this mean...
...Then those plans were put under review, and the president addressed the United Nations, notifying its illustrious members that it needed to be "reinvented...
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...The Central African Republic's former ruler, deposed Emperor Jean-Bedel Bokassa, was released from prison in historic Bangui after serving six years of a twenty-year sentence for murdering schoolboys, keeping the body parts of various deceased political opponents in a large deep freeze and available for late night snacks, and spending a quarter of his country's national income on his coronation...
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...Upon being sprung, former Emperor Bokassa laid hands on an elaborate field marshal's uniform and delivered a speech to thousands of cheering morons in front of Bangui's cathedral, during which he compared himself to Jesus Christ and made several other grandiose claims suggesting that during imprisonment he may have been allowed access to MTV or Rolling Stone...
...Even more to her credit, she has yet to curse or to scratch anyone's eyes on camera...
...The major cause of President Clinton's increased approval rating is that he is now following the example of his great Democratic forebear, George Washington Plunkitt...
...but in an apparent swing to the right, authorities in Berkeley, California, arrested "The Naked Guy...
...The Berkeley professoriate has been surprisingly slow to come to his defense despite the fact that he is the 10 The American Spectator November 1993 living embodiment of liberalism's most honored value—indeed its only consistent value—the value of disturbing the peace...
...Lorena Bobbitt...
...Nicholas Styant-Browne, the triumphant lawyer, proclaimed the decision "a victory for common sense...
...Bobbitt is the first penis-severer ever interviewed on national television, though the practice has been known of since the dawn of the television era, and was recently very popular in the jungles of Central America...
...On September 8, the Clinton-Gore team introduced its "reinventing government plan...
...Name Address 111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 City, State, Zip L OR CALL: 1-800-787.0430 $735j The American Spectator November 1993 11...
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...He is Mr...
...structure...
...I don't think no woman should be treated . .. like I was, I don't deserve this, no woman deserves this, nobody...
Vol. 26 • November 1993 • No. 11
