The Continuing Crisis
• In August, Rachel of Toronto turned 4. Her birthday pageant was celebrated over three days. Tommy of Hollywood, age 6, spent a long weekend in northern California in honor of his special day. I...
...In court, Mrs...
...I've been quoting from a Mike Royko column about Bobby Rush, deadbeat dad, former Black Panther, and—pace Tom Foley—current United States Congressman...
...Lucky for General Colin Powell that Random House will pay him $6 million for his memoirs...
...Whereas under J.C...
...Whereupon it turned out that the elder Shalikashvili had fought on the Nazi side during World War II—against the Allies in Normandy...
...Jean-Pierre Maldonado asked the Philadelphia Inquirer...
...Benjamin Chavis welcomed Mr...
...There were accusations that Bill Clinton's biological father was a bigamist, and the name of another Clinton half-sibling surfaced...
...Law and order came to the Mediterranean resort of Cap d'Agde, where beach patrols cracked down on all sunbathers who ignored the "Nudity Obligatory" signs prominently displayed along a half-mile stretch of sand...
...As the dog days of summer gave way to the season of back-to-school and college football, tragedy struck Wild Willie, the steer that was sexually harassed last fall by the Mississippi State football squad...
...His wife had to live, so she went on public aid...
...The Hidden Life of Dogs, a new book by Elizabeth Marshall Thomas, crept onto the New York Times bestseller lists, and the American Kennel Club Gazette produced new material to support Ms...
...On August 21 he crashed his car into a wall in downtown Los Angeles and was arrested for drunk driving...
...He spent at least nine days turning 47, partaking in at least three parties in at least three different geographic locations, the sort of observance normally set aside to commemorate the birth dates of the late George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Martin Luther King, Jr...
...What's more, he takes so-called mulligans on any bad shot and hits a second ball, and a third, and a fourth, with only the last counting in his inflation-adjusted score...
...How time flies when you're having fun...
...Brian K. Lyman for eating the bark off the saplings newly planted on the courthouse square...
...For instance, there's haf-haf in Czech, vuf-vuf in Danish, ham-ham in Romanian, and hong-hong in Thai...
...Dan Rostenkowski was arrested in Chicago on cocaine possession charges...
...Shortly after NAACP executive director Rev...
...In the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, "Slow Children" street signs have been adjudged demeaning and at $100 a pop are being replaced by "Watch Children" signs, which should be more to Michael Jackson's taste...
...On the golf course, for instance, it turns out that Mr...
...Bring back Brezhnev...
...Hate crimes against Rush Limbaugh multiply, ranging from Speaker Tom Foley blaming "advocacy radio" for Congress's lousy image to hit-men biographers promising to "make Rush blush...
...Rodney King into the fold, and said that King "has gone through an evolution" and will "work in Los Angeles in the 'hood with us," Mr...
...Now that Communist Vietnam is desperate to join the world's market economies, the previous Mrs...
...In an obvious ploy to win foreign aid from the Clinton crowd, President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe announced he will deport all whites who refuse to abandon their racist attitudes...
...The president revealed himself in other ways...
...By month's end, there was new information confirming P.J...
...But why stop there, Harleysville, Pennsylvania's Mr...
...According to the Gazette, dogs can bark in a number of languages besides English...
...Army was restricted to GIs on food stamps, under B.C...
...Fathers and sons was another prominent theme...
...In other matters of the heart, a New Delhi judge has refused to ban a new movie because its theme song is entitled "What's Beneath the Blouse...
...On August 27, federal prosecutors said they would appeal as too lenient the two-and-a-half-year sentences meted out to his convicted malefactors, Stacey Koon and Laurence Powell...
...Vegetarians beware...
...As Ben Stein would say, hmmm...
...On August 27, Shannon was accused of shoplifting $30 worth of goods from the Fort Myer Post Exchange...
...Most curious of all the birthday tributes paid our leader, however, was the Four Tops' live South Lawn rendition of "Sugar Pie, Honey Bun...
...In La Plata, Argentina, a 17-year-old budding Senator Packwood marched to •city hall to fill out a death certificate for his fiancée, who refused to provide him with a "prueba de amor...
...Under cause of death, he wrote: "Frigidez...
...On August 7, ABC's "Nightline" program devoted an entire broadcast to charges that former President George Bush is a World War II–era war criminal, and a few weeks later the New York Times accused the Reagan administration of staging tests in 1984 to deceive the Soviets about Star Wars...
...What about the blatant sexism of such highway signs as YIELD, SOFT SHOULDERS, CURVES AHEAD, and SLIPPERY WHEN WET...
...Hayden, Miss Jane Fonda, felt compelled to issue this directive to animal rights activists angered at her participation in La Crosse, Wisconsin's International Bison Conference and Trade Show: "If you are going to save buffalo, there has got to be a market element to it...
...That doesn't seem to have been the problem between William and Elizabeth Greecham of Great Yarmouth, Norfolk, UK, who carried on a "loud, aggressive, and terrifying" domestic battle for thirteen hours, much to the distress of neighbors living as far as 600 yards away...
...On August 15 Willie broke a leg outside his Morgan, Mississippi pen, and is out for the season...
...I believe that when you father children, you are financially responsible for them...
...President Bill received countless gifts, including from the hapless Al Gore a mediocre new biography of Thomas Jefferson that the Washington Post has compared to a high school term paper...
...The two were married in a Buddhist ceremony in which they pledged to preserve old-growth forests...
...But topping them all was the biggest kid on the North American block, Bill Clinton...
...O'Rourke's thesis that Jimmy Carter's presidency was vastly superior to Bill Clinton's...
...Incidentally, was that a former general welcoming Bill Clinton to Oakland, California, with the sign, "Does anyone still support this dope-smoking, draft-dodging, wife-cheating tax sucker...
...destitution in the military extends to the Secretary of the Army himself, John V. Shannon...
...When he and his wife split, Rush was ordered to pay child support...
...In Albany, New York, Governor Mario Cuomo finally found a piece of legislation that played to his philosophical interests when he signed into law a measure that allows public officials to insist on being called by gender-specific or gender-neutral titles...
...poverty in the U.S...
...Hail to the newest New Democrat...
...Only in America," as Bill said on appointing General John Shalikashvili to replace General Powell as chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff on August 11...
...His wife would go to court, the judge would issue an order, and Rush would ignore it...
...Maybe I am old fashioned...
...Just for the Limbaugh haters who may be reading, enjoy this juicy excerpt from the Chicago Tribune: "For many years, Rush was a deadbeat...
...Sorry, fellas...
...His reasoning was based on the lyrics themselves, which, as sung by Miss Madhuri Dixit, are self-explanatory: "There's a heart beneath my blouse...
...Police in Frankfort, Indiana, arrested 20-year-old Mr...
...King did indeed get down to business...
...The daughter of Rep...
...Apparently Rush doesn't share this view because he fell thousands and thousands of dollars behind...
...The tree skin would have made a tasty appetizer at California state senator Tom Hayden and actress Barbara Williams's wedding reception in sylvan Tofino, British Columbia...
...Thomas's insights into the canine intellect...
...Greecham admitted there'd been an argument, but claimed it lasted no more than fifteen minutes...
...Bring back the cat...
...Clinton carries a lot more than fourteen clubs, in clear violation of USGA, PGA, and presumably EPA regulations...
...I imagine countless other youngsters found similar ways to prolong their birthday festivities...
Vol. 26 • October 1993 • No. 10
