The Continuing Crisis
•December passed, and with it the entire Union of Soviet Socialist Republics—not in a Nuclear Nightmare or an Arctic Winter but in a puff of petulance from the Soviet Union's last tyrant, Mr....
...Taking into account the cost of incarcerating him and of maintaining his Social Security benefits, Washington insiders are predicting a reduced sentence...
...With his usual intellectual resourcefulness, the agile arts chairman, Mr...
...No damage was done to the late Mr...
...Michigan's Mr...
...Monkeys went on a rampage in the northeastern Indian state of Assam, attacking government offices and shredding files while police looked on helplessly, restrained as they are by Hindu reverence for the monkeys—and before Americans begin 8 The American Spectator February 1992 to snicker at the Hindu forbearance accorded monkeys let us be mindful of the forebearance we accord our own, most notably those on Capitol Hill...
...Mark Harris, 42...
...Possibly it is time for Mr...
...Zoppa was wearing a bra, panties, a garter belt, and a negligee...
...William (Willie) Kennedy Smith, the accused was acquitted on all charges, despite his shocking admission that on the night of his famous tryst he had carried no condoms...
...At the Palm Beach rape trial of Mr...
...Mikhail Gorbachev...
...So, for that matter, does Secretary of State James Baker...
...They could found a support group for statesmen suffering from historiophobia...
...Crusty, fiercely independent, and driven as much by conscience as by brains, he was a man of unforgettable humanity and a treasure to friends of freedom from the day he began his extraordinary journalistic career in 1975 to the day he tapped out his last lines, just hours before his death from pneumonia...
...Who ever heard of wearing a negligee under a business suit...
...In Virginia, a Loudoun County teenager, Mr...
...John Frohnmayer, might prevail on the Centers for Disease Control to provide GG and the Murder Junkies with all the bacteria and viruses necessary to enhance future performances...
...Tulip was sentenced by Circuit Court Judge Thomas D. Home to twenty years, with ten years suspended, making him eligible for parole in 1993...
...In Washington, the Agency for International Development suspended distribution of 50 million condoms to Egypt after discovering that unscrupulous Egyptian birth control agencies were allowing the prophylactics to slip into the hands of balloon vendors...
...Shirley Davis, 44, and her newly-wed husband, Mr...
...According to the Post-Herald, the pace-setting couple did not engage in sexual congress "until their wedding night, spent in a storage room where Shirley had left some of her belongings...
...The national trend of older women marrying younger men received a stupendous boost on December 28 when the celebrated actress and comedienne, Miss Martha Raye, 75, married Mr...
...In Paris, the effeteness of French socialists was amusingly demonstrated when Interior Minister Philippe Marchand banned dwarf-tossing, describing the manly sport with this effeminate sob: "It is an intolerable attack on human dignity...
...It would be a savings for taxpayers worth bragging about during the forthcoming presidential campaign...
...In Sarasota, Florida, Schmid Laboratories unveiled the nation's first youth condom at a memorable press conference during which Mr...
...In sporting news, Tokyo's Mr...
...El Negro, but Dr...
...So now he threatens to lead an African boycott of the entire Olympiad unless Spaniards do the right thing by "El Negro...
...After living together for months, in a mobile home—where, the Birmingham Post-Herald writes, they consumed bowls of ketchup, potato chips, and an occasional case of beer—the Davises entered holy wedlock last spring...
...For added protection a wetsuit can be worn...
...The music was only so-so, but the performance would surely have attracted the kind of critical praise that nowadays fetches grants from the National Endowment for the Arts if only the group had been able to prolong the urinating and defecating, say by contracting stomach flu...
...There Mr...
...Ion Enescu, a local pig farmer, was hospitalized for three days when his Christmas pig exploded during depiliation...
...Feminist theoreticians and members of the animal rights movement who argue that men should more abundantly express their feelings were given cause to ponder their dubious premise when Mr...
...Beneath his business suit Mr...
...and prospects for a happy 1992 Olympiad in Barcelona were obnubilated when Haitian-born medical doctor Alfonso Arcelin stumbled over "El Negro"— a stuffed and mounted chief of the Bechuana people of southern Africa—during a visit to Banyoles, the small town in the Pyrenees foothills that is scheduled to be the scene of this summer's Olympic rowing competition...
...Centerville, Maryland, police have charged the New Jersey free spirit with theft and two counts of being a rogue and a vagabond...
...President Bush's approval rating slipped to new lows, according to a CBS-New York Times poll...
...John Sununu resigned as White House chief of staff on December 3. Investigators in Europe and North America began scrutinizing the bankrupt financial empire of the late socialist wizard Robert Maxwell, after it was divulged in Britain's Sunday Express that the sticky-fingered world-saver had even withheld funds raised through his newspapers for Mother Teresa, who once thought Mr...
...Maxwell "quite a guy...
...Phil Donahue, "the Moral Bladder of this Nation," interviewed a similar couple, Mrs...
...Also passing from the scene in December were Professor George Stigler, the Nobel Prize–winning free-market economist, and Warren Brookes, one of the country's finest syndicated columnists...
...Islamic kidnappers released all remaining Americans and the bodies of two whom they had murdered...
...faces up to 510 years in prison after being convicted on seventeen counts of securities fraud, presumably making him ineligible for parole until he is 180 years old...
...Charles Keating, Jr...
...Arcelin has concluded that the display is "racist and dehumanizing," and he did look rather silly and dehumanized groping around on the floor with a half-clothed corpse...
...Transportation Secretary Samuel Skinner was named the new White House chief of staff by President Bush...
...Tatsuro Murano captured that exotic city's eleventh annual "Year-End Shouting Contest" when he exploded with a scream reaching 117.6 decibels and outhollered nineteen other potential prime ministers...
...Desmond Howard, weighing 176 pounds and standing five feet nine inches tall, won the Heilman Trophy...
...Jerry Lee Robertson and his wife were charged with murder and theft for allegedly beating their roommate to death with a clawhammer following an acrimonious game of Monopoly...
...Judge Home acknowledged the obvious when he said to young Tulip: "You obviously have a great deal of love and devotion to your family...
...Dennis Anthony Zoppa of Ocean City, New Jersey, whom police arrested after discovering $5,000 worth of lingerie in his station wagon...
...Hanumantha Lamani, 30, was arrested for fatally shooting an unnamed man he mistook for a wild boar...
...Jonathan Lee Davis, 14, of Gadsden, Alabama, about the iniquities endured in Amerika by such brave, pioneering couples, for instance the difficulties that they have experienced in trying to break into the Gadsden upper crust...
...Brookes was a friend and a contributor, and his passing is a special loss to this magazine...
...Barry Miller, Schmid's incomparable vice president of marketing, announced, "We cannot just bury our heads in the sand...
...Gorbachev fears for the future of the new Commonwealth of Independent States...
...Pan-American World Airways went belly up, and in Bangalore, India, Mr...
...In Orlando, Florida, police spotted nearly a hundred people fleeing from that city's Club Space Fish Cafe, where the exciting punk-rock group, GG and the Murder Junkies, was performing its new gig incorporating an intricately choreographed melange of urination, defecation, self-mutilation, and blatant nudity...
...Baker to follow Mr...
...Christmas was observed all over the world: in the former Soviet Union, in all the former satellites of Eastern Europe, in Berkeley, California, at Harvard Yard, in the London boroughs of Islington and Camden, and in the Transylvanian town of Cluj, where Mr...
...Gorbachev into retirement...
...Joshua E. Tulip, has been sentenced for the shooting death of his mother and the wounding of his father...
...Kao Ithae Saeohan, 26, of Sacramento, California, became hysterical and repeatedly walloped his wife with a frozen squirrel...
...And how about the picaresque Mr...
...Finally, after years of research, a British company has announced the world's first "female condom...
...The trend first attracted national attention early in the month on the "Donahue" show...
...It was a big month for condoms...
Vol. 25 • February 1992 • No. 2
