The Continuing Crisis
• Nineteen ninety-two continues to be an extraordinarily successful year for natural disasters. In September a prominent earthquake provoked 30-foot tidal waves to impinge upon Nicaragua, leaving...
...RET 12 The American Spectator November 1992...
...Larry Moor, the founder of the British Columbia Association of Reptile Owners who has frequently visited Vancouver schools to educate students on the benignity of the many serpents that he had befriended, will be seen no more...
...In Israel, the Israeli Health Ministry rebuffed six British women intent on giving birth among dolphins in the Red Sea...
...Michael Sargent, 53, testified that three years after Miss Bridger left his employment she was still "so strongly" attracted to him that she entered his office, doused herself with gasoline, and attempted to turn herself into a human torch...
...After all, Boy Clinton has more skeletons in his closet than a body snatcher...
...Sargent prevented her from causing a "general conflagration" by throwing his person upon her foul-smelling body...
...In London's Old Bailey, her former employer, Mr...
...And so to quote from our 1987 column, "Let us henceforth speak of our homosexuals as squashes...
...In the world of sports, Afghanistan has had its first public execution since Islamic law became effective in April...
...That the Clinton lead should be so stable perplexes some students of the great game of politics...
...Jackie Sherrill, insisted he was only trying to educate his rather stupid athletes, and, of course, the two teams only meet once a year...
...Prospects for a bright Democratic future improved markedly when, on September 15, former Washington, D.C., mayor Marion Barry won a landslide election to a seat on the city council...
...Roger Gorski, report in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences that the homosexual brain is shaped differently from that of the heterosexual, being a full 34 percent larger in the anterior commissure...
...The castration alarmed members of the Mississippi Animal Rescue League, but the Mississippi State coach, Mr...
...Jack Kemp waits in the wings...
...Apparently, a relieved community is paying her to remain behind bars...
...Consider the fiery Miss Jacqueline Bridger, 46...
...After being impeached in 1988 for improperly granting pardons to drunk drivers and wearing pajamas to a court hearing, the Hon...
...American womanhood remained competitive...
...It cooperated with the Kultursmog's grim estimate of the Reagan Administration, the most successful presidency since the New Deal...
...And let us accord proper respect to the Squash Community...
...Tom Bethell...
...His policy statements are as abundant with holes as a large square of fromage suisse, and smell no sweeter...
...The disturbed women had hoped that the dolphins would "make contact with the fetuses via ultrasonic waves" for purposes that remain obscure...
...The explanation for the Clinton lead is to be found in the polluted atmosphere of our Kultursmog, where puerile leftist notions stifle clear thought, extinguish diversity, and sozzle even sound thinkers...
...The Bush Administration hastened a conservative crack-up, and now all that will save the President from defeat will be the roguishness of Boy Clinton...
...Laura Allen and Dr...
...September brought dismaying evidence that American feminism's fevers are spreading to the United Kingdom...
...The term was a slur...
...Moreover, as the great campaign for multiculturalism gets underway at the universities, and our students are enlightened as to the stupendous achievements of such historic homosexuals as George Washington, Xerxes I, Hammurabi, Alfred Nobel, Jawaharlal Nehru, Charles Dickens, Ludwig van Beethoven, and King Herod, "gay" detracts from the seriousness of this progressive effort...
...Mathis faced his last hurrah...
...Miss Jean Spradlin, a local expert, believes the explosions, which have taken place repeatedly on her carpet, are from what scientists call "fruit blotch," and she vows "there will never be another watermelon coming in my house...
...Critics objected, but now two UCLA School of Medicine researchers, Dr...
...And in Austin, Texas, the Mississippi State football team trounced the University of Texas after watching a 525-pound bull be successfully castrated...
...Another 200 whales slammed into the island of Tasmania...
...Donahue interviewed several wicked husbands along with their sorely abused wives, and with his famed mixture of indignation and incredulity inquired as to how they could commit such debased acts in public, in mixed company, and in crowds where an 10 The American Spectator November 1992 increasing number of neurotic Americans could very well be suffering from what has been another critical issue on "Donahue," namely an allergy to those perfumed strips that heartless capitalists place in magazine advertisements...
...But there was sadness, too, for progressive politics...
...In point of fact, the criticism of liberalism was even labeled "liberal-bashing" and accorded the same villainous and benighted connotation thitherto accorded the physical belaboring of poofters...
...The Bush campaign, especially susceptible to the Kultursmog, dares not remind the electorate that wherever liberalism dominates, chaos and irritability prevail...
...In New York City, Ladder Co...
...This is the third whale-beaching in Tasmania this year and still there is no outcry from the world community to remove what has obviously become a dangerous obstacle in a major whale thoroughfare...
...Finally there is no evidence that homosexuals are all that gay...
...and Boy Clinton continued to maintain his prodigious lead over the hapless President George Bush, who it appears has now lost the support of Mr...
...Science has come to the support of a terminological suggestion first made in this column in March of 1987...
...An official insurance-industry estimate of claims payable to survivors of Hurricane Andrew reached $7.3 billion...
...And then, somewhat mysteriously, its leading machiavels were overcome by fatigue and stupidity...
...The 45-year-old advocate of reptile rights died after being bitten by an admired Egyptian cobra...
...In Florala, Alabama, Mr...
...Mathis—also known as the Voodoo Mayor for spreading his famous voodoo powder throughout city hall during a dispute with Florala's police chief—attempted a comeback in the Democratic primaries but finished sixth after finding only eighteen mental defectives to support him...
...Falkville, Alabama continues to be plagued by an unexpected outbreak of "exploding melons...
...In Kabul, three thousand fans turned out to see three miscreants hung by the neck...
...And in Hillsdale, Michigan, animal-rights advocate Miss Pam Baumgartner had herself imprisoned in a 10-by-10-foot metal cage to raise money for the Hillsdale Humane Society...
...In Arvada, Colorado, Miss Deborah Butler threatened to murder President George Bush because "she was having problems with her life and wanted attention...
...9 won the Great Bed Race down Columbus Avenue...
...There, in the gloom that invades so many areas of American life, the dominant voices of American culture decreed several yesteryears ago that it was unscrupulous to speak ill of liberalism...
...In September a prominent earthquake provoked 30-foot tidal waves to impinge upon Nicaragua, leaving thousands homeless and Nicaragua's beaches completely clear of nude sunbathers...
...Hurricane Iniki bowled over homes in Hawaii, causing President Bush to declare the island a disaster area...
...Then we noted the inappropriateness of terming homosexuals "gay...
...On September 22, Mr...
...Phil Donahue, the genius of television colloquy, set new standards for his art when he ventilated the hitherto taboo subject of husbands who break wind with their wives in public and then scud off, leaving their wives to explain the malodorous consequences...
...In our March 1987 column we noted that homosexuals would be much better served by the term "squash," for "cephalic indices and empirical observation of homosexuals at public demonstrations and on Halloween night in San Francisco have established that many homosexuals develop heads shaped very much like squash...
...To chide a liberal for the failed policies of liberalism was to play the role of the mountebank, the racist, the male chauvinist, the McCarthyite, the "gay-basher...
...Let the universities hold their Squash Rights Week...
...After all, the term was originally applied to the moral laxity not of homosexuals but of heterosexuals who commit disgusting acts that no homosexual would dream of...
...Flash floods of impressive force may have drowned as many as three thousand people in Afghanistan...
Vol. 25 • November 1992 • No. 11
