Editorials/Introducing Clarence Thomas/Memory of an Elephant
Tyrrell, R Emmett Jr.
MEMORY OF AN ELEPHANT Here is how the Democrats are going to win the 1992 presidential election, which, incidentally, will be their first presidential win since 1976 and only their second since...
...Former senator Paul E. lkongas has been listed in Who's Who in the East for over a decade...
...If their Iran-contra issue and the theft of the 1980 election do not put the Republicans to rout, the Democrats can always open a new congressional inquiry into Watergate...
...First of all, they are not going to enter any prominent Democrat until the last minute...
...Recognizing the American people's insatiable interest in the Iran-contra skulduggery of some years back, the Democrats, in alliance with Special Prosecutor For Life Lawrence Walsh, are going to hold up George Bush's nominee to head the CIA until all the Republicans come forward and admit their guilt in the shamelessbilking of the Ayatollah and the covert funneling of monies to the enemies of the Sandinista humanitarians...
...Other old standards in the Demo-=tic campaign repertoire are also ob;olete...
...The Demo-=tic party has become a very compassionate haven for minority groups, some Df whose members can be touchy...
...The way party leaders see it at this point, the less the public knows about their candidate the better...
...Thus, for the first time in decades, he Democrats will probably shelve the )eace issue...
...This gambit is now )ass4 At present there is no nation capable of actually fighting us in World War III, except perhaps Yugoslavia, and rally the only American voters who fear World War III with the Yugoslays are I few hundred thousand college professors, many of whom are now growing nit of their 1960s phase and taking up ;olf...
...Right now the Democrats' only declared candidate is an ex-senator from—where else?—Massachusetts...
...There is a lot of information in his Who's Who entry that could offend important members of the Democratic coalition, for instance, Eskimos, militant fat people, members of the Brotherhood Df Hispanic Welders, members of Chicken Pox Anonymous...
...All Democrats recognize that it is only a matter of time until the Bush Administration is drowning in scandal over this dastardly conspiracy...
...THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR SEPTEMBER 1991 9...
...But the Democrats are not going to beat George Bush merely by the clever expedient of running a noncontroverdal candidate...
...Thus the race issue will not be such a prominent feature as in past campaigns...
...Not many Americans fear that the Republicans are going to reinstitute slavery in the South...
...They are going to have :o have issues with which to batter the Republicans, and they have them—in ;pades...
...In fact, for this election they may not even nominate a prominent Democrat...
...But that is not all...
...Ever since 1964, when they portrayed he Republican candidate, Senator Barry 7.ioldwater, as a madman avid to blow ip the world, the Democrats have porrayed themselves as the party most ikely to save us from nuclear holocaust ind World War III...
...The Democrats are going to try something new...
...Fewer and fewer Americans are esponding to the Democrats' pleas for !stablishing Holiday Inns for the homeess, complete with limousine services 8 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR SEPTEMBER 1991 for transporting the homeless when they decide they need a lift...
...The Democratic leadership here n this great city of Machiavels is no onger going to run on their old main;tay issues of peace, compassion, and 'read for the masses...
...The American people are still burned up about Watergate...
...Finally, the Democrats realize that they will have to abjure their venerable promise of bread for the masses (and expropriation of the fat cats...
...MEMORY OF AN ELEPHANT Here is how the Democrats are going to win the 1992 presidential election, which, incidentally, will be their first presidential win since 1976 and only their second since 1964 A.D.— back when you and I were young...
...There just are not enough fat cats to pay for the Democrats' bread machine...
...So does paranoia...
...Finally, the Democrats have one more trump card guaranteed to finish off the Republicans in 1992: Watergate...
...Compassion has its limits...
...Most Americans doubt that the Democrats are helpful to the economy and realize that Democratic tax increases fall mostheavily on the middle class...
...The Democratic leadership knows this...
...The ever-popular Jimmy Carter himself hasdemanded a congressional investigation...
...But he is hardly the ideal candidate...
...They plan to beat George Bush by proving that in 1980 Ronald Reagan and William Casey stole the presidential election from the ever-popular Jimmy Carter...
...Reaganites prevailed on Iranians to delay a hostage release until after the 1980 election, thereby dooming the re-election of the ever-popular Jimmy Carter...
...And how about the Lindbergh kidnapping...
Vol. 24 • September 1991 • No. 9
