The Nation's Pulse/Be Cool
Stein, Benjamin J.
THE NATION'S PULSE BE COOL by Benjamin J. Stein ou wouldn't want to venture into Also identifies you as so insecure about huahua, but it's Creepsville here. Stay where outside the gym. Very cool...
...You wouldn't want (cost: about $300...
...to travel to Tibet without knowing ample ever seen: a novice producer Heights High School Senior Prom, • Cowboy boots on grown men who which phrases allow you to visit the in- carrying one at the bedside of his girl- where you've saved up all that money are not cowboys...
...Now you know Now you can be safe...
...Completely squad...
...ducer in Hollywood...
...This is still hot your last picture or screenplay or any counts: imitate him...
...Ignore this list and you run the risk visual equivalent of wearing a sign say- it's funny...
...Shows a pathetic need to • Carrying or talking on a hand-held • Customizing a Mercedes in any York, but among those whose lives impress, as well as an attitude that cellular phone at any time within the way at all...
...You're not fooling basically, to spread a communicable do, which must be avoided at all cost...
...Pity this person, but don't Louis Vuitton insignia...
...If some-borders of Los Angeles County...
...stuff in El Barrio and maybe in New other effort...
...Ever, in any circumstances, volunof becoming a pretension victim, a ing, "Kick me...
...riding Harleys and wearing the Harley symbol of the 1980s...
...Again, a futile 1990s...
...I'm old and can't ad- • Women wearing anything with the teering how much you got paid for geek in the land where only cool just to it...
...Very cool when 1 what's left of the Amazon jungle your status that you must stop everyone well away...
...Likewise, the offer of drugs is rassment, here are ten acts or ap- balding, usually fat middle-aged man...
...if you do have a brain tumor...
...A anyone, and the real bikers don't think disease...
...ner sanctum of the Dalai Lama's palace friend who was critically ill in Century from working at the Burger King, but • Being high on drugs in any public and which ones lead you before a firing City Hospital...
...Brands ing that says "560 SE' instead of the years out of date, even among those one at your table at Zooma Sushi starts you as a loser trying to look important...
...Speaks volumes...
...Most egregious ex- at all...
...Might be cool for the Hacienda fun to be close to...
...effort to escape the ravages of age and almost unimaginably uncool, an offer, pearances, things to look like or to Cries out that he is uneasy about his class...
...a sign of an undisciplined life...
...To save you that embar- coming off the back of the head of a held cellular phones...
...Having custom gold letter- define hip, it's a raging joke, twenty money is your Higher Power...
...26 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR SEPTEMBER 1990...
...A By the same token, you would not to look like someone might need to call • Yupsters or middle-aged lawyers slender, muscular body was the status want to come to Hollywood and stand me...
...Having your 420 nobs are for men...
...A sober, drug-free out as a lame, losered-out wannabe, • Wearing a "dork-nob," a ponytail insignia (often while carrying hand- life is the nonpareil status item of the would you...
...Screams: "I don't care a social disaster in Bel-Air or Malibu, place...
...Sorry, guys...
...Totally out of date...
...SEL lowered looks righteous in Chi- • Wearing sweats or leotards any- Watch this space for updates...
...I have where, except on checks, less is more...
...Benjamin J. Stein is a writer and pro- Sunset Boulevard...
...age, his hairline, his masculinity...
...factory chrome was hip in Tehran back who need brand status and those inter- to do this, pretend you have a headache in the Shah's day, but it doesn't play on linked Cs—as bad for women as dork- and leave early...
...Jimmy Carter was President, but now without knowing which snakes are within schmoozing distance and tell • Coming anywhere near a yacht- an attempt by typists and casting assisharmless and which similarly marked him you can afford a cellular phone sized white stretch limo for any reason tant directors to look athletic and not ones are poisonous...
Vol. 23 • September 1990 • No. 9
