The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS • March has passed, and so has the J. Gordon Coogler Awards Committee. That is to say, this year the Committee is taking a pass on awarding Coogler prizes for the worst books...
...Nelson Mandela journeyed to Zambia to kiss Mr...
...Skolnick subject to racial prejudice...
...Delarosa has admitted to tying the animal with orange nylon rope, thus raising the question of consent on the part of his mate...
...Lithuania voted to secede from the Soviet Union...
...In a move reminiscent of the early presidency of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, President Mikhail Gorbachev shoved legislation through the Congress of People's Deputies expanding his presidential powers...
...The Hoover Institution announced that the Communist parties of the world lost 8 million members last year, mostly without loss of life...
...Before the Civil War Senator Daniel Webster carved "Liberty and Union, now and forever, one and inseparable...
...Manhattan resonated with the howls of wild Terkels, Vonneguts, Styrons, Schells, and the appalling Dr...
...The United States population reached 250 million early in the month despite all the emphasis now placed on safe sex...
...Chomsky...
...The toad, an indigene of Australia, emits a toxin, which, says Rep...
...But when the final nominees were presented to the Coogler Committee for its ultimate deliberations we discovered, much to our embarrassment, that the nominees were with two exceptions the very same books as were nominated for National Book Awards, and the Coogler judges would not want their awards to be viewed as some impudent lampoon of such an illustrious cultural institution as the National Book Foundation...
...He could have at least carved his initials in his desk...
...Robert Novak—columnist, television commentator, and respected philatelist—formally lodged a complaint on March 16 against The American Spectator's editor for being insufficiently rude in these pages, a complaint promptly endorsed by Mr...
...In no way must this be construed as evidence that the Republic's literati have ceased to produce their customary lush numbers of poorly written, moronically conceived omnium gatherums of literary swill...
...Yassir Arafat despite the latter's grizzled muzzle...
...James Monahan from leading Ventura, California's St...
...The animal rights champions insisted that the emotional shock of dyeing the pig would be beyond the last limits of the tolerable, and so the pig was transformed not into a symbol of blarney, but rather into a plenitude of delicious meals for all...
...Gloria Carter Spann in Plains, Georgia...
...Ahmed Shetya, a deputy of that country's People's Assembly, took to the floor, denounced official corruption, brandished a gigantic knife, and resigned without putting his weapon to any purpose whatsoever...
...Shetya abruptly took a few slices heavenward and stormed toward the exit...
...James MacGregor Burns published a monstrosity of a book, and a lady from Intercourse, Pennsylvania, had her first collection of poetry published without a hitch...
...Julia Skolnick, has sued a sperm bank and a fertility service for mixing the sperm of her deceased husband, also white, with that of an unknown black man, eventuating in a baby girl—presumably gray—and according to Mrs...
...The case has divided the local animal rights community, whose members are of course gladdened by Mr...
...The universally popular "Smile Button" would be an excellent replacement for the Communists' hammer and sickle, the only requisite revision being that the smile be turned down into a scowl...
...That is to say, this year the Committee is taking a pass on awarding Coogler prizes for the worst books of 1989...
...P. J. O'Rourke...
...Communists were defeated in free elections in East Germany, Hungary, and Nicaragua, and Mr...
...From Montevideo, Uruguay, comes the good news that the government will allow the gentlemanly pastime of dueling again to be practiced by consenting adults, and sixty bikers on Harley-Davidson motorcycles led an otherwise conventional funeral for Mrs...
...Finally, the Rev...
...Langford, "when licked raw is a powerful hallucinogen...
...Mr...
...Another embattled New Age Democrat is Mr...
...So, we shall see what we shall see...
...Patrick's Day parade with a green-dyed pig under his arm...
...Rep...
...Elizabeth Claire Prophet of something called the Church Universal and Triumphant is predicting nuclear holocaust on April 23, so be sure to get your subscription renewals in tout de suite...
...Monahan vowed to wear anti-perspirant, but to no good effect...
...The editors of The American Spectator would not want to get on the bad side of these ferocious tyrannosauruses, oh no...
...Fred Barnes and by Mr...
...Upon retiring, American senators frequently carve their initials in their desks...
...J. Beverly Langford, introduced legislation enjoining the general assembly to assess "the extreme danger of cane toad licking...
...It was the largest drop in the world's Communist population since Joseph Stalin's purge trials...
...In Washington, D.C., Mayor Marion Barry pled not guilty to eight felony charges, and received a hero's welcome upon returning to the city from his most recent detoxification mission...
...A Georgia state legislator, Democratic Rep...
...I'm just one person facing those redneck, conservative folks down there...
...Spann, who was the sole surviving sibling of President Jimmy Carter, was named outstanding lady motorcyclist back in 1978 when a strange disease gripped America...
...I just want to help get Democrats elected...
...Overcooked supper is probably not a good idea either...
...Rosalie Searles of Unadilla, New York, emerged with no serious injuries after being run over twice in one day—first by her drunken husband, then by a fireman who also was on the sauce...
...Often weighing over 800 pounds, the indolent creatures are immensely fatter than most of San Francisco's homeless, though perhaps more polite...
...and the largest Communist party in the West, Italy's Communist party, is renaming itself, dropping its hammerand-sickle symbol, and adopting a new social democratic philosophy so as to make it more palatable to Socialists, Greens, and the other malcontents...
...Langford insists that his bill is meant in jest, but that he has acquired such esoteric information on an otherwise forgettable reptile suggests that the old boy is not all that disinterested, eh, you rascal you...
...Unfortunately, Mr...
...Hundreds of male sea lions have begun congregating on the pleasure boat slips at Pier 39, endangering the wooden slips with their tremendous bulk...
...In Chicago, Illinois, Mr...
...Federal law protects them from molestation, but many local pleasure boats are without moorings, and the boats' sybarites are growing desperate...
...Hugh Archer, president of Rotary International, announced plans to establish the first Rotary Club in Moscow...
...Before his 1988 presidential campaign, Senator Gary Hart carved "For a Good Time Call Cheryl, 445-9090...
...Delarosa's acknowledgement of the sheep's basic humanity...
...Just this month a horrifying ruckus broke out after the number one comrade at Pantheon Books quit in response to the request that the company make a profit rather than lose millions annually publishing books for 1960s dinosaurs...
...Egyptian democracy suffered a setback when Mr...
...The San Francisco Zoo's red kangaroo, Skippy, became the first zoo animal in world history to receive a pacemaker and has apparently been returned to his old vigor...
...The candidate, known as Leslie Elaine Perez, 52, has vowed to hang in there, however, asserting: "They're scared to death I'm going to win...
...San Francisco, which is now plagued by one of the largest homeless populations in the nation, faces still another species of vagrant...
...David Delarosa, 28, who has been charged in Pleasanton, California, with having enjoyed sexual relations with a sheep, who was not his wife...
...Animal rights advocates successfully prevented Mr...
...Former President Richard M. Nixon addressed House and Senate Republicans without incident...
...Participants in many American women's studies programs were given something to think about when the governing authority of Iraq, the Revolutionary Command Council, de8 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR MAY 1990 creed that pious Iraqi men can now kill their mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, aunts, nieces, and female cousins for adultery...
...But Mr...
...The giants of American culture are easily aroused...
...An artificially inseminated white woman, Mrs...
...In Democratic party news one of the rising forward-lookers of the party is under pressure from the old guard to quit the race for the Harris County Democratic party chairmanship in Harris County, Texas, owing to recent revelations that it is a transsexual, president of the Houston chapter of the Gay and Lesbian Democrats of America, and in 1961 was convicted of the shooting-and-torching murder of a Houston man...
Vol. 23 • May 1990 • No. 5
