Spectator's Journal/A Day
Stein, Benjamin J.
SPECTATOR'S JOURNAL A DAY by Benjamin J. Stein D ing, ring, ring. 1\ A telephone call from a woman in Richmond, Virginia. Would I like to be the off-camera voice of a racetrack in Baltimore,...
...I think one of them might also have said "internal rate of return...
...Of course, they tell a different story, but I guarantee that if I hadn't told that woman about the three civil rights workers, she still wouldn't know them from blini...
...I wanted everyone to know how mucheasier my life is now...
...A woman next to me was telling about her life...
...Homeless people...
...I thought you would like to know that...
...The woman sat quietly and then asked me if she could have some of my Evian in a small paper cup...
...It has to do with a certain smell you have...
...Through the whole 20-minute flight, there was a crashing, whirring noise like a garbage disposal at work...
...It gives each day such poignant pleasure" "I thought you might like to know that this disease comes from hogs, and you can get it from eating bacon or even ordinary luncheon meat...
...I never dreamed he would get $10 million per picture...
...Some people have it, and others don't...
...Maybe that's a clue...
...Some of them got ahead...
...A telephone call from a man at a gay magazine in New York City...
...Intravenous extract of shitake mushrooms apparently can completely reverse the effects of the HIV complex...
...When I came to Hollywood, I was friends with people who seemed to be incredibly smart...
...Then again, you might not...
...It's been changed to a community center...
...Lots of them...
...It's been happening a lot...
...The flight there takes twenty minutes...
...I drove up La Brea...
...I think I'll have to ask George Stigler about that...
...Haughty looking black men in Cadillacs stared at me throughtinted glass and passed onward...
...I mean, the way it works is that if you think you would be successful as a con man in a Turkish bazaar, youwould probably do well in Hollywood...
...Weren't you in `Charles in Charge...
...Maybe that's a clue...
...No problem...
...Intravenous extract of shitake mushrooms apparently can completely reverse the effects of the HIV complex...
...I was pals with Allen Greisman...
...The smell and the classroom make me actually dizzy with nostalgia for my elementary school days in Silver Spring, Maryland...
...A hired guard slept against the wall where once a ten-cents-a-ride mechanical pony had slept...
...It's that tough...
...Would I like to be the off-camera voice of a racetrack in Baltimore, Maryland...
...It's someone else's problem...
...I started that TV movie about Goodman, Chaney, and Schwerner that CBS is making...
...Before deregulation, when aviation fuel was $2.50 a gallon, the fare was $19...
...It has to do with a certain smell you have...
...Now I'm Laurene...
...I did want you to know that I think there is a cure, though," he said...
...It meets in a disused elementary school in a neighborhood called Point Dume...
...After deregulation, with aviation fuel at $1.50 per gallon, the fare is $85 one way...
...The evacuation of the white middle class of America from planet earth...
...Terrifying Mexicans pulled up next to me in battered Camaros...
...Then one day as I was waiting to buy a pair of stockings at Saks Fifth Avenue on Wilshire in Beverly Hills, I actually saw Moses...
...I'm just hanging on by my fingernails in Hollywood...
...A super rush ride to the airport to fly to San Diego...
...I have a pension...
...I hope you don't mind my calling you," he said, "but I have conclusive proof that the ordinary cold and many of the diseases that are classed as harmless are in fact variants of AIDS...
...I'm a little concerned about the fact that there are no good public schools left in Southern California," I said...
...They smiledat me and I smiled back at them...
...I am not allowed to tell you where this proof came from...
...He needs your help...
...In the parking lot of the Mayfair all-night grocery two insane men shouted at no one in particular...
...They can do the audio by a telephone hook-up from a studio in North Hollywood...
...How could it all have gone so bad so fast...
...Then, about a year after that, I was waiting to get my car washed on Sunset at the Sunset Car Wash, and as my car came out of the wash tunnel, I was sure I saw John the Baptist on its hood...
...We've been trying toget one of the mechanics to look at it...
...I tried to put myself back in 1959 in Silver Spring, Maryland...
...Sure...
...I've been wanting to ask you something," he said...
...All I have to do is read the Latin names for various night creatures like bats and possums and coyotes...
...So I became a Jew...
...So I became a Jew...
...That's what I usually think of...
...I didn't really do it," I said...
...A quick ride out to a self-help group Benjamin J. Stein is a writer and producer living in Hollywood California...
...I have never been able to figure out why people get ahead in Hollywood...
...So, can I call you if I have a good idea for a movie...
...he asked...
...No problem...
...It's been happening a lot...
...Terrifying Mexicans pulled up next to me in battered Camaros...
...I didn't really do it," I said...
...I see...
...I've been wanting to ask you something," he said...
...Yeah, but the real money is in writing...
...I attend in Malibu...
...Who knew...
...Should I try to make a go of it in Hollywood...
...Now I'm Laurene...
...I used to be friends with Michael Shamberg before he made The Big Chill...
...I'm thinking of quitting the bench and moving down to Hollywood to try to make it as a character actor and a writer...
...It comes from somewhere in the back of the plane...
...His name was Raymond W. He was a guest at the party I had just attended...
...It's not my problem, Ben," he said...
...I'm a little concerned about the fact that there are no good public schools left in Southern California," I said...
...A quick ride out to a self-help group Benjamin J. Stein is a writer and producer living in Hollywood California...
...I knew Goldie Hawn in high school...
...It was about eleven at night...
...Lots of them...
...THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR SEPTEMBER 1989 31 SPECTATOR'S JOURNAL A DAY by Benjamin J. Stein D ing, ring, ring...
...I hope you know how much heat the man is taking for his uncompromising support of the Chinese students," the spokesman said...
...The assemblyman looked at me and put his hand on my shoulder...
...I hope you don't mind my calling you," he said, "but I have conclusive proof that the ordinary cold and many of the diseases that are classed as harmless are in fact variants of AIDS...
...The smell and the classroom make me actually dizzy with nostalgia for my elementary school days in Silver Spring, Maryland...
...I never would have guessed that Shamberg would make A Fish Called Wanda or Greisman would become head of the Aaron Spelling Company...
...he asked...
...They smiledat me and I smiled back at them...
...It has to do with shitake mushrooms...
...I started that horrible miniseries, 'Amerika.' I got money, but no credit...
...He said hello...
...Others didn't get ahead...
...I used to have lunch with Bill Murray and buy his meal and in return he would tell jokes...
...A nocturnal ride back to Los Angeles on American Airlines...
...In fact, just eating a lot of shitake mushrooms can turn your life around...
...He told me I was to follow his path...
...THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR SEPTEMBER 1989 31 SPECTATOR'S JOURNAL A DAY by Benjamin J. Stein D ing, ring, ring...
...Who knew...
...I'm curious to know how and why supporting the Chinese students could possibly, conceivably hurt him in the Bay Area," I asked...
...He shook hands and looked sincere...
...He told me I was to follow his path...
...he asked...
...He has a homey, unaffected style about him...
...The only words I could make out were "per cent," "net, net, net" and "bondit...
...A few feet from them, two young teenage boys in tight jeans smiled at men in Mercedes who stopped at the light...
...I mean, the way it works is that if you think you would be successful as a con man in a Turkish bazaar, youwould probably do well in Hollywood...
...The flight there takes twenty minutes...
...I have never been able to figure out why people get ahead in Hollywood...
...I do know that every time I get a project going here, someone steals it off my plate...
...It's entirely possible that you and everyone you know already have AIDS...
...I can tell you that if you do make it, you'll sort of wish you hadn't...
...We've been trying toget one of the mechanics to look at it...
...All I have to do is read the Latin names for various night creatures like bats and possums and coyotes...
...I used to think that the only common denominator of people who made it in Hollywood was that they all ate incredibly fast...
...He sat in the empty seat across the aisle...
...I said...
...Through the whole 20-minute flight, there was a crashing, whirring noise like a garbage disposal at work...
...It takes that much out of you...
...I have a pension...
...A distinguished man with a three-button suit, a blue-and-white striped shirt, and a small-figured paisley necktie passed down the aisle...
...I used to be Laura...
...I walked back outside with my sacks of dog biscuits...
...His name was Raymond W. He was a guest at the party I had just attended...
...Ganged up with David Wolper...
...I'm thinking of quitting the bench and moving down to Hollywood to try to make it as a character actor and a writer...
...In the parking lot next to my car was a huge rusting Oldsmobile...
...Maybe it has something to do with the lavatory, or maybe it has something to do with the tail...
...I never dreamed he would get $10 million per picture...
...God, I need it," I said...
...I left LAX and headed up La Tijera, 1 up La Cienega, up La Brea toward my little home in the Hollywood Hills...
...That's what I usually think of...
...It's that tough...
...So I became a born-again Christian...
...A party in San Diego for a famous California state legislator...
...It has to do with shitake mushrooms...
...I hope you know how much heat the man is taking for his uncompromising support of the Chinese students," the spokesman said...
...He needs your help...
...I think one of them might also have said "internal rate of return...
...Especially for the hogs...
...A little boy with sideburns and a yarmulke came up to the line and handed the two men a bag of oranges...
...You know what...
...I do know that every time I get a project going here, someone steals it off my plate...
...When I came to Hollywood, I was friends with people who seemed to be incredibly smart...
...They can do the audio by a telephone hook-up from a studio in North Hollywood...
...Of course, they tell a different story, but I guarantee that if I hadn't told that woman about the three civil rights workers, she still wouldn't know them from blini...
...I always thought he was too much of an intellectual to make it...
...A telephone call from a man at a gay magazine in New York City...
...A nocturnal ride back to Los Angeles on American Airlines...
...It's someone else's problem...
...I am not allowed to tell you where this proof came from...
...In fact, just eating a lot of shitake mushrooms can turn your life around...
...I never would have guessed that Shamberg would make A Fish Called Wanda or Greisman would become head of the Aaron Spelling Company...
...That school has been closed as well...
...He actually appeared just behind the lingerie with his beard and his robes, just like Chuck Heston...
...Especially for the hogs...
...A little boy with sideburns and a yarmulke came up to the line and handed the two men a bag of oranges...
...I'm almost fifty years old...
...I used to think that the only common denominator of people who made it in Hollywood was that they all ate incredibly fast...
...I even changed my name...
...The assemblyman looked at me and put his hand on my shoulder...
...I tried to put myself back in 1959 in Silver Spring, Maryland...
...God, I need it," I said...
...Before deregulation, when aviation fuel was $2.50 a gallon, the fare was $19...
...I never dreamed he would marry Sally Field...
...Then one day as I was waiting to buy a pair of stockings at Saks Fifth Avenue on Wilshire in Beverly Hills, I actually saw Moses...
...I understand...
...Some people have it, and others don't...
...I love your work...
...It gives each day such poignant pleasure" "I thought you might like to know that this disease comes from hogs, and you can get it from eating bacon or even ordinary luncheon meat...
...It pays all of $250...
...Sure...
...On every street corner in Hollywood there were mounds of newspapers, old clothes, wires, feet wrapped in rags sticking out...
...Maybe it has something to do with the lavatory, or maybe it has something to do with the tail...
...Maybe you should consider stealing corpses for medical experiments...
...You know what...
...He sat in the empty seat across the aisle...
...Inside the Mayfair, a bag boy greeted me with a huge smile...
...Weren't you in `Charles in Charge...
...I love your work...
...It's a question of leadership," the spokesman answered, and passed along his way by the swimming pool...
...We don't know exactly what that is," the stewardess said...
...So, can I call you if I have a good idea for a movie...
...We don't know exactly what that is," the stewardess said...
...I was pals with Allen Greisman...
...It's a question of leadership," the spokesman answered, and passed along his way by the swimming pool...
...Then, about a year after that, I was waiting to get my car washed on Sunset at the Sunset Car Wash, and as my car came out of the wash tunnel, I was sure I saw John the Baptist on its hood...
...It was about eleven at night...
...The evacuation of the white middle class of America from planet earth...
...It's entirely possible that you and everyone you know already have AIDS...
...I always thought he was too much of an intellectual to make it...
...I saw you in Ghostbusters," he said...
...I said...
...I attend in Malibu...
...Some of them got ahead...
...What do you think...
...Inside the Mayfair, a bag boy greeted me with a huge smile...
...A distinguished man with a three-button suit, a blue-and-white striped shirt, and a small-figured paisley necktie passed down the aisle...
...In fact, eating fried bacon is probably the most common means of AIDS transmission," he added, "but the Department of Agriculture doesn't want anyone to know, because if they did, then the nation's entire hog population would have to be slaughtered and that would be a major loss...
...He shook hands and looked sincere...
...I even changed my name...
...He's a Superior Court judge in San Jose...
...he asked...
...When I used to eat with Shamberg and Greisman, twelve years ago, they would finish their lunch before I had even started mine, and then they'd 30 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR SEPTEMBER 1989 start eating mine...
...A few feet from them, two young teenage boys in tight jeans smiled at men in Mercedes who stopped at the light...
...When I used to eat with Shamberg and Greisman, twelve years ago, they would finish their lunch before I had even started mine, and then they'd 30 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR SEPTEMBER 1989 start eating mine...
...I wanted everyone to know how mucheasier my life is now...
...I used to be Laura...
...That school has been closed as well...
...Maybe you should consider stealing corpses for medical experiments...
...The woman I brought it to, an Israeli who had never even heard of those guys, never heard of Mississippi, just stole it away from me...
...So I became a born-again Christian...
...From the room I can smell the newly cut grass and see the mountains of Malibu...
...I used to be Catholic," she said...
...I left LAX and headed up La Tijera, 1 up La Cienega, up La Brea toward my little home in the Hollywood Hills...
...I'm curious to know how and why supporting the Chinese students could possibly, conceivably hurt him in the Bay Area," I asked...
...Ganged up with David Wolper...
...I can tell you that if you do make it, you'll sort of wish you hadn't...
...I used to be friends with Michael Shamberg before he made The Big Chill...
...Plus it's virtually impossible to get your kids into private schools...
...We all had Diet Coke and pastries out by the swimming pool of a house as big as an airport...
...What do you think...
...The woman I brought it to, an Israeli who had never even heard of those guys, never heard of Mississippi, just stole it away from me...
...I'm just hanging on by my fingernails in Hollywood...
...You did it...
...Maybe you could be a character actor playing judges...
...It meets in a disused elementary school in a neighborhood called Point Dume...
...It comes from somewhere in the back of the plane...
...In it, an entire family of pale blond Okies slept...
...A few minutes later a spokesman for the assemblyman passed the hat...
...In the parking lot next to my car was a huge rusting Oldsmobile...
...I'm almost fifty years old...
...You did it...
...On every street corner in Hollywood there were mounds of newspapers, old clothes, wires, feet wrapped in rags sticking out...
...I started that TV movie about Goodman, Chaney, and Schwerner that CBS is making...
...He has a homey, unaffected style about him...
...A woman next to me was telling about her life...
...A party in San Diego for a famous California state legislator...
...The only words I could make out were "per cent," "net, net, net" and "bondit...
...You look like a judge...
...How could it all have gone so bad so fast...
...Would I like to be the off-camera voice of a racetrack in Baltimore, Maryland...
...You look like a judge...
...I did want you to know that I think there is a cure, though," he said...
...I never dreamed he would marry Sally Field...
...A few minutes later a spokesman for the assemblyman passed the hat...
...We all had Diet Coke and pastries out by the swimming pool of a house as big as an airport...
...Maybe you could be a character actor playing judges...
...I understand...
...Then again, you might not...
...I knew Goldie Hawn in high school...
...Others didn't get ahead...
...I walked back outside with my sacks of dog biscuits...
...The woman sat quietly and then asked me if she could have some of my Evian in a small paper cup...
...It takes that much out of you...
...It's been changed to a community center...
...It's not my problem, Ben," he said...
...A hired guard slept against the wall where once a ten-cents-a-ride mechanical pony had slept...
...In fact, eating fried bacon is probably the most common means of AIDS transmission," he added, "but the Department of Agriculture doesn't want anyone to know, because if they did, then the nation's entire hog population would have to be slaughtered and that would be a major loss...
...He said hello...
...I think I'll have to ask George Stigler about that...
...I definitely would," I agreed...
...Haughty looking black men in Cadillacs stared at me throughtinted glass and passed onward...
...In the parking lot of the Mayfair all-night grocery two insane men shouted at no one in particular...
...In it, an entire family of pale blond Okies slept...
...In line next to me, two Hasids talked in Yiddish at blinding speed...
...After deregulation, with aviation fuel at $1.50 per gallon, the fare is $85 one way...
...Should I try to make a go of it in Hollywood...
...A few feet away under a plexiglass bus shelter two homeless black men slept under a pile of rags...
...I saw you in Ghostbusters," he said...
...I used to be Catholic," she said...
...Plus it's virtually impossible to get your kids into private schools...
...From the room I can smell the newly cut grass and see the mountains of Malibu...
...I see...
...I started that horrible miniseries, 'Amerika.' I got money, but no credit...
...I drove up La Brea...
...He's a Superior Court judge in San Jose...
...In line next to me, two Hasids talked in Yiddish at blinding speed...
...Yeah, but the real money is in writing...
...I definitely would," I agreed...
...It pays all of $250...
...I thought you would like to know that...
...A few feet away under a plexiglass bus shelter two homeless black men slept under a pile of rags...
...A super rush ride to the airport to fly to San Diego...
...I used to have lunch with Bill Murray and buy his meal and in return he would tell jokes...
...He actually appeared just behind the lingerie with his beard and his robes, just like Chuck Heston...
...Homeless people...
Vol. 22 • September 1989 • No. 9
