The New York Spectator/A Letter to the Editor
Queenan, Joe
damage to the food chain resulting from the chemical technique. Regardless of the method, drunk or sober, worming remains a cold and clammy way to make a buck. And supplying wormers with probes is...
...ing is absolutely superb, and those sets, those sets...
...And supplying wormers with probes is not exactly a get-rich-quick scheme either...
...I mean, rats in Peoria, Illinois, simply aren't into the Explorateur scene...
...3. Essay must be neatly typed and double-spaced...
...Like the way he'd only eat Double Gloucester when the chives had been picked free...
...His fromagial behavior was so different than rats from other cities...
...Dye's attorney, Arthur Herold...
...those are his teeth marks on the slice of Explorateur I've enclosed...
...I hadn't had an RBAP since I ran my bagel seminars in Patagonia back in the fifties, but the need was genuine, so I got dressed and hit the streets...
...But when I placed my order, the guy behind the counter said, `Would you like a hunk of roast breast of armadillo with that, buddy...
...I'm sorry we had to resort to all this nasty, underhanded stuff to make our point, but hey, you asked for it...
...Well, to make a long story short, by the time I got over to the Armageddon Deli on Third Avenue, I figured my hunt was pretty absurd, so I'd just have to settle for a quarter-pound of marinated seal's knuckles...
...Not so, says Mr...
...But he was such a special rat, such a sophisticated rat," wrote the pair...
...Enclosed please find a small packetof roast armadillo breast purchased at Moshe's All-Night Deli in Akron, Ohio...
...They've gone after his heart...
...The FTC is still going after little people...
...It's like this: One night—it must have been about three o'clock in the morning—I woke up with this overwhelming desire for a roast breast of armadillo ,on pumpernickel sandwich...
...The problem was: Where was I going to find a deli that could make me a roast breast of armadillo sandwich in the middle of the night...
...THE NEW YORK SPECTATOR A LETTER TO THE EDITOR by Joe Queenan Letters to the Editor Dept...
...A decision is expected sometime in January...
...But, as Mr...
...The apartment, it seems, was regularly visited by an enormous brown rat...
...Tulip Karamazov and Giotto O'Rourke, conceptual artists sharing a one-bedroom co-op slaughterhouse on the Lower East Side...
...Noted Birdsong in her prize-winning essay: "Where else but in New York would nine rapists leave you cabfare to get to the Met...
...Yours truly, John Smith President P. A .W.0 P.D.0 B. B. FW.N...
...The way he'd munch on our tootsies till we broke out the Explorateur...
...Well, here's one voice raised in the hope that Mr...
...Last but not least, please find an 8x10 glossy of my brother-in-law Randy and his eight friends, all of whom are opera buffs with a long history of sexual deviancy, the nine of them making up the Wheeling West Virginia, Friends of Bel Canto...
...A recent newspaper account he sent along tells of a young farm couple fined by OSHA because they neglected to inform workers on a daily basis, among other rules, to "urinate as frequently as necessary...
...Colin Davis's conductJoe Queenan is a writer for Barron's...
...They've got me thoroughly pissed...
...The Occupational Safety and Health Administration is another example...
...The laws enabling extremes of federal intervention in the private sector are still on the books, he says...
...Explained one of her assailants: "We'd never forgive ourselves if we made you miss the first act...
...Will he fight on, if need be...
...Funding for this cultural salvaging program was provided by matching grants from the Peoria/Akron/Wheeling/Cleveland/Philadelphia/Duluth/Council Bluffs/Boise/Ft...
...If I may refresh your memory, the three winners of the $5,000, $2,500 and $1,000 prizes were: • Clytemnestra Birdsong, asst...
...They retail for about $8 each, less in quantity...
...didn't really assault that old hag...
...NYNYNYNYNYNYNYNY Magazine 7734 Park Avenue South Suite 16 New York, N.Y...
...OSHA's largest civil fines have been in the last three or four years," he noted...
...Her story: While on her way to a performance of Mozart's Don Giovanni at the Met, Birdsong was robbed, beaten, and sexually assaulted by nine men...
...Dye's attorney said, "It's the only product he sells...
...M any, of course, hoped that the Reagan Administration would halt the government's inclination to lump small businesses with child snatchers and burglars in its zeal to right the wrongs of the world...
...Dye—here it comes—worms his way out of this one...
...The way he'd turn up his nose at Jarlsberg...
...Dye suspects he has sold about 30,000 of the devices in all...
...Gilgamesh Dingel, manager of Manhattan nightspot, Buns 'n' Ammo...
...Dye had his day in court in early November...
...I realize that much of what we've done is in poor taste (incidentally, Randy & Co...
...Dye's problem is just one more nail in the coffin of free enterprise...
...10003 Dear Sir or Ms., I am writing to you in reference to your recent contest,, "WHAT MAKES NEW YORK SUCH A S'WONDERFUL, SUCH A S'MARVELOUS KIND OF TOWN IN 250 WORDS OR LESS...
...I already hocked the farm...
...Mr...
...I don't know what set it off...
...Out in Caldwell, Mr...
...they just sort of felt her up a bit), but we were tired of the abuse, and wanted to show we can play hardball too...
...bookkeeper at the Murray Hill Racquet Club & Hospice, a "deathing center" where death could be achieved in a meaningful athletic setting...
...It's on sale this week.' Well, no offense intended, but let's face it, Middle America, you can't get a roast breast of armadillo sandwich at three o'clock in the morning in Akron, Ohio...
...If you'd like to see the rat, speak to Moshe, or meet my brother-in-law, feel free to drop a line...
...You better believe it...
...2. Contestant must be outrageous, remarkable, and oh, so unique...
...Wayne/Newark Anti-Defamation League and a large, much-maligned oil company...
...I mean, things like that just don't happen in Wheeling, West Virginia...
...That's Moshe in the photo with the clock reading 3:12 in the background...
...The rules of the contest were this: 1. Essay must reaffirm the truth that New York is the most extraordinary city on the planet...
...That's my pet rat, Paul VIII, who's been living out here in my basement in Peoria, Illinois, for years...
...I don't believe a pro-business or anti-regulatory administration can help," Herold says, because it's impossible to control the independent agencies...
...The assailants took her purse, her jewelry, and her clothing, but left her the opera ticket and enough money to get a cab to the Met, as the mugging had taken so long that she could never get there in time for the overture if she took the subway...
...Enclosed please also find a color photo of an.enormous brown rat turning up his nose at a three-pound hunk of Jarlsberg...
...Anti-Defamation League ^ THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR JANUARY 1989 31...
Vol. 22 • January 1989 • No. 1
