The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS • October will be remembered in the annals of American history as the month during which Americans witnessed one of the rarest of modern events, to wit: a legitimate news...
...At the University of Wisconsin, a Condom Olympics has been held, which according to the New York Times, "may not have had the spectacle of Seoul but their goals were just as noble...
...When the United States faced Korean Communists and Vietnamese Communists, the case could be made that our "limited engagement"—as the phrase then had it —threatened to bring in nuclear powers and a nuclear confrontation...
...Arturo Valdez, a spokesman for a group of anti-Noriega Panamanians, spuriously titled USA-Panama Friendship Council...
...In Valparaiso, Indiana, the former Mr...
...volleyball with an inflated condom to demonstrate, in the words of the university meathead in charge, "how 'sturdy' condoms are...
...As winter approaches, thousands of homeless persons have begun gathering on the steps of New York City's churches and synagogues, suggesting that perhaps the most prudent resolution of the problem of the homeless might be merely to shut down all these unwholesome gathering places until the present crisis passes...
...To the surprise of no one, entomologists at the Connecticut Department of Agriculture have reported that this past summer Connecticut suffered a veritable plague of wasps...
...Gilbert T. Godbout, 44, survived when a runaway paving roller ran over him while he slept in a wooded area...
...Now Mr...
...And in Salt Lake City, citizens of a progressive cast of mind remain divided over State Trooper Scott Smith, who upon observing a drowning baby kangaroo—called a joey—in the city zoo leaped the fence, rescued the joey, and 8 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR DECEMBER 1989 which was nuclear holocaust...
...It is possible that Mr...
...The playwright Marston even wrote a play entitled The Malcontent...
...Dan Rather, who again demonstrated in his inimitable way that insanity can be vastly entertaining...
...In Auburn, New York, when the power failed just as Messrs...
...In New York City's Wagner housing project eight men ambushed Mr...
...Yet to relieve the sorrow of the October 17 quake there was the arrival of CBS's Mr...
...But none of the rabble in Lafayette Park can speak seriously of nuclear holocaust...
...Then he donned military attire and stood in the open air, betraying ludicrous Schadenfreude whilst murmuring dire prognostications...
...Bruce Ehrenkranz in a shockingly ethnocentric statement that could yet become another of New York's racial rows...
...and—most felicitous of condom-overthe-head contest, in which individual contestants vied to show how far they could pull inflated condoms over their heads...
...Minutes before the third game of the World Series featuring the San Francisco Giants and the Oakland A's, an earthquake measuring 7.1 on the Richter scale struck the Bay Area leaving scores dead and still more injured...
...Rappaport is in dutch with California broadcasters, though his Spanish accent might earn him a shot at the next ad for Colombian coffee...
...Nothing can be done to appease their anger...
...Nor is condom-mania restricted to Stanford's lunatic fringe...
...Can anyone imagine Dr...
...Possibly, as Dr...
...But today crowding around these issues are people who are mad as hell...
...Richard and John Contiguglia were about to undertake Franz Liszt's Grosses Konzertstuck fiber Mendelssohn's "Liederohne Worte," the boys recognized the workings of a supernatural pest...
...To cause four stab wounds for Chinese food is amazing," opined Housing Sgt...
...We all remember your peerless career in academe before you gave yourself over to public service...
...This is unfortunate, for the low repute of Stanford University can only decline further if these morons successfully breed...
...Instead he plans to lecture at UCLA and Georgetown University, and he may become a managing director with Wertheim Schroder & Co., the New York investment banking firm—scholarship, that's the life Tony...
...The demonstrators in front of the White House will go on to some other demonstrations when this war ends...
...Francis Fukuyama has argued, we are now at "the end of history...
...a condom relay race wherein "four-member teams carried inflated condoms between their legs...
...Their complaints are always petty or fanciful and were until recently recognized as such...
...Marx returning to the library to write Das Kapital after witnessing the Condom Olympics...
...Events included a "condom water-balloon toss...
...In Sri Lanka's Peradeniya University, student high jinks got out of hand, conducing to the beheading of eighteen students by a local death squad...
...We should recognize them for what they are and join Shakespeare in the laughter...
...In 1962 our policy towards Communist Cuba did indeed lead to a nuclear confrontation that breathed new life into antiwar activists and kept them alive for years to come...
...Rather wears these clip-on ties in response to doctors' orders that he keep his hands away from his throat...
...Education, science, and, for that matter, war, are all serious issues...
...Private prayer, after all, is just as efficacious as public prayer, and the muttering throngs now frequenting these houses of worship—I am not speaking of parishioners but only of the homeless—are not to be encouraged with meals or, as has become the custom with some of the more Liberal denominations, Porto-Potties...
...Think of the groups on college campuses who insist that youth attend college but then denature college curricula with books based on race, sex, and other meretricious matters...
...Shakespeare's malcontents were alwaysa source of drama or of laughs...
...Stanford University's Stanford Review has reported the full details of last spring's university-sponsored condom-rating contest...
...These madas-hell demonstrators are the purest distillation of a type that has steadily evolved in American society, the malcontent...
...Apparently, the students involved evaluated seven different condoms on the basis of "smell, taste, appearance, sensualness/comfort, lubrication, and sense of security," though none of the participants actually learned how to wear a condom...
...THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR APRIL 1991 9...
...Nor have many played much of a role in peace movements of the recent past...
...Richard Contiguglia...
...This is another episode of the curse," remarked Mr...
...Initially, he covered the story from some newsroom somewhere, his demeanor earnest to the point of neurasthenia, his toupee awry, his raiment suggestive of the haberdashery sold in the menswear section of a large drug store—an obvious clip-on tie attached to the collar of his wash-and-wear shirt...
...Columbus Day passed quietly in the United States, but in El Salvador the enlightened National Association of Indigenous Salvadorans demonstrated in front of a tasteless statue of Christopher Columbus to protest the "negative effects of Columbus' arrival...
...Rather returned to New York without further incident, though the Associated Press has reported that off the coast of Alaska a marine scientist counting fish 690 feet beneath the sea encountered a sunken cow, a Holstein...
...Or how could Einstein keep his mind on his work after watching a condom relay race by the best and the brightest of his day...
...Authorities have not ruled out the possibility that the manufacturer of the paving roller deceived them as to the machine's weight and effectiveness...
...It was an appalling tragedy, a reminder that nature's disasters can still take a horrible toll...
...Over the last two decades, however, malcontents have for some reason achieved solemnity...
...Lim Chen Yoong, 33, a deliveryman for a local Chinese restaurant, covered his eyes, and stabbed him four times before making off with buckets of chop suey and his delivery bicycle...
...In the aftermath of a failed coup against Panamanian strongman General Manuel Noriega on October 3, twenty-two-year-old Mr...
...In Borden-town Township, New Jersey, an investigation is under way to discover how Mr...
...Former Congressman Tony Coelho, still smarting from charges that he was entrepreneurial with his public trust, is pledging to avoid the use of his Capitol Hill connections for future gain...
...The malcontent with his absurd grudges and dissatisfactions is a standard feature in literature going back to the seventeenth century, when his dispendious wrath fetched theater-goers...
...In American history few malcontents have played a role...
...THE CONTINUING CRISIS • October will be remembered in the annals of American history as the month during which Americans witnessed one of the rarest of modern events, to wit: a legitimate news story—one unassisted by political mountebanks or hype or even a press release...
...Kurt Rappaport hornswoggled reporters at Los Angeles's KTTV into believing him to be one Sr...
...Thomas Blankenship, Jr., a professional truck driver, has changed his name to W. C. Fields with riotous consequences for all the fellows what hang out down at the local all-night gas station and family restaurant...
...Think of those who menace medical advances rather than allow animal experimentation...
...And to think I had thought Liszt's Grosses Konzertstuck Ober Mendelssohn's "Liederohne Worte" was an imported cheese...
...It's uncanny how many times something has prevented this song from being played...
Vol. 22 • December 1989 • No. 12
