The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS •Nineteen-eighty-eight arrived one second late, for the Earth's rotation has slowed, a fact that our Liberal friends have been lamenting since the election of 1980. A day now...
...6 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR MARCH 1988 Mr...
...Either they are robots designed by political activists at the Harvard Law School or they are actual members of that faculty in disguise...
...The pressure got him...
...Richard Grenier reports that he saw a gust of wind strike Mr...
...McMillen later claimed that he did not immediately discover his error, and apparently lived for months fearing that the Japanese were up to no good...
...Fleischman won it by a wide margin...
...Hart in the face as he exited an aeroplane, raising his hairpiece like a magic carpet and revealing a smooth pate going back several inches...
...Jonathan Yates, now former legislative director for Congressman Tom McMillen...
...On January 23 the Hon...
...A day now lasts twenty-four hours and 0.001 seconds, and the Liberal brethren have almost no prospects of speeding things up with a New Frontier or a New Deal or a New Politics...
...Barker is an animal rights adept...
...Finally, in our Nation's Capital a homeless man living in a District shelter, Mr...
...Jimmy the Greek Snyder, who lost his job as a sports savant at CBS after attributing Negro athletic achievement to nineteenth-century eugenics—one of his rare flights into the higher intellection, but one that the weekend beer-guzzlers who meditate on his commentary would certainly have found stimulating...
...Woodbridge, Virginia witnessed yet another example of American prodigality when a human arm was found next to a fast food restaurant...
...From Yugoslavia comes word that Mr...
...Rupert Murdoch from legally gotten communications holdings in Boston and New York and possibly lead to the closing of the New York Post, unless Republicans can be roused from their slumbers to preserve one of the few news outlets in the country hospitable to them...
...Mikhail Gorbachev and the glabrous Mr...
...In Los Angeles, California, Mr...
...The Hot Toothpick was a major American culinary delight for many years, but it lost popularity in recent years with the arrival of the Cuisinart and granola...
...August T. Baden, founder of the cinnamon-flavored Baden's Hot Toothpicks, died at the age of 93 in Independence, Kansas, where he made his discovery in 1949...
...Kent's frozen head with her new body...
...Saul Kent, recognizing how his mother suffered with arthritis, paid Alcor's professionals $35,000 to remove the head from her infirm body at the instant of death, keep it in a frozen state until an acceptably robust female body could be found, perhaps at the Miss Universe pageant, and unite Mrs...
...Bob Barker announced that owing to the Miss Universe pageant's vile policy of giving fur coats to pageant winners he cannot in good conscience be the pageant's master of ceremonies...
...Yates, too, has been fired...
...He just couldn't take the pressure...
...The Great Slowdown of the 1980s has been a disaster for progressives not only here but also in London, where on January 3 Mrs...
...No deaths were reported, but in Andhra Pradesh dozens of eggs were broken and two chickens were beaten beyond recognition...
...Well, who do you trust: the Hon...
...Mr...
...George McGovern was interviewed in Washington where he lives in a piano crate, and according to the Washington Times McGoo announced he will offer himself to the Democrats' July convention if by then there has emerged no mesmerizer capable of enrapturing the party's assorted dolts and fanatics...
...Now authorities suspect the Alcor decapitators may have acted precipitously, and their meddling is giving the entire Life Extension process a bad name...
...Jeffrey D. Walker shot himself after abducting two women and assaulting one in a motel in Carefree, Indiana...
...The Hon...
...Harold Fleischman was greatly relieved when neither Gary Hart nor Congresswoman Patricia Schroeder showed up to compete in the Bald Headed Men of America's smoothest head contest...
...Vera Nonin, a 40-year-old folksinger, has been jailed in Suva Reka for refusing to sing a song glorifying Yugoslavia's late tyrant Josip Broz, or simply Tito as he was known to the world...
...According to a resident of the shelter, "The dude loved those kids...
...When Parade magazine asked him if there was any truth to the charge, all Mr...
...Worse still, though the race for the presidential nomination is on in earnest, the Democrats have yet to field a candidate who is even a human being except possibly for Senator Albert Gore, whose youth makes it difficult to tell...
...In Morehead City, North Carolina, you can bet that Mr...
...Senator Edward M. Kennedy, the Senate Bartender, arranged nocturnal legislation that will separate Mr...
...Jackson was a physical education student at the University of Illinois three decades yon he Bidenized from a Time magazine article...
...As for the rest of the Democrats, The American-Spectator has submitted all relevant data on them, including organic samples, to a panel of eminent scientists, all of whom agree that the candidates are not human...
...Harold Stassen is again available...
...Hart or the editor of The American Spectator...
...RET...
...In January both Democratic frontrunners found themselves forced to step adroitly around unpleasant cow-patties dropped in their paths...
...Hart was charged with irregularities in campaign financing, and he responded very suspiciously to my charges, aired in a syndicated column, that he wears a wig...
...McMillen had quickly discovered that the report was phony but promulgated no correction because "we decided to gut it out...
...In Riverside, California, authorities continue to investigate that decapitation of 83-yearold Mrs...
...Whatever the case, not one has a chance of becoming President...
...Dora Kent at the world-renowned Alcor Life Extension Foundation...
...In the Republican race the Hon...
...Soviet Foreign Minister Eduard Shevardnadze again promised to withdraw Soviet troops from Afghanistan if suitable arrangements can be made for progressive government to endure in that country...
...So dismal have been the Democratic candidates' performances that a representative from the hard-core unemployed announced his intention to seek the Democratic nomination...
...The Rev...
...There was more violence in India, this time between members of a movement seeking to promote the egg-eating habit amongst Hindus and their egg-hating opponents...
...Also there was Mr...
...Gary Hart...
...Now the indefatigable Mr...
...McMillen is more comfortable with the image of a clod...
...McMillen, a former professional basketball player, unwittingly read a bogus report retailing Japanese skullduggery to the United States House of Representatives...
...Jackson was revealed as a common Bidenist by Miss Glenna Cilento, who notified the News-Gazette of Champaign, Illinois that when the Rev...
...Among the month's Notable & Quotable was Mr...
...The Earth's rotation is going to continue to slow...
...Margaret Thatcher became Britain's longest-serving Prime Minister of the twentieth century...
...Last April Mr...
...Kent's son, Mr...
...Hart could say was "No...
...The Gallup Poll listing the ten most admired men in America included two newcomers, Mr...
...Now Mr...
...Yates sought to assure the media that his boss was no clod and informed a reporter that Mr...
...Bantcho Bantchevsy, the Bulgarian-born singing coach, died as colorfully as he had lived when on January 24, during an intermission of the Metropolitan Opera's performance of Macbeth, he leaped eighty feet from the Family Circle balcony into the orchestra...
...Not even psychotics act like them...
...The Pentagon began a $40 million modernization program to make the B-1B bomber less vulnerable to birds...
...Stanley Simpson, 31, fatally stabbed his four-yearold and eight-year-old sons...
Vol. 21 • March 1988 • No. 3
