The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS •November exits after a dispendious display of theater from the White House and from Capitol Hill. Both are pretending that there is a huge lust in America to cut the deficit....
...We will attempt to determine if, indeed, it did come from an airplane, and it appears there's a good likelihood that it did...
...wait until Senator Durenberger hears about them...
...Several days later he withdrew his nomination and was replaced by Judge Arthur M. Kennedy, whose inclination is toward light wines and beetle juice...
...RET...
...and weighed in at a voluptuous 284 lbs...
...His death came a day before Thanksgiving...
...In Berkeley, California, Mr...
...Timothy Leary shopping for patterned sox in Brooks Brothers...
...In New York City, bird watchers insist that they saw Dr...
...Another U.S...
...congressman is shuffling off to the hoosegow...
...The other statesmen apparently commit their follies stone sober...
...No Communist country has equaled that figure since the prime of Marshal Joseph Stalin...
...Miss Amy Carter celebrated the first anniversary of her arrest for harassing CIA recruiters by again demonstrating against the CIA at the Federal Building in Springfield, Massachusetts...
...National Smoke Out Day was observed on November 19...
...Proof of the growing intellectualism of American conservatism was provided in an untimely fashion when the Reagan Administration's second Supreme Court nominee, Judge Douglas Ginsburg, admitted to resorting to marijuana while attending a faculty party at Harvard University sometime in 1978—he was not precisely clear about the date...
...The idea is to have the thousands of nurses who served with the millions of men represented by a suitable statue standing with the three combat soldiers who now look out over the memorial, possibly a nurse holding aloft a thermometer or better yet holding a grenade launcher and shouting "Geronimo...
...In Enfield, New York, Tiny, a four-year-old chihuahua, lost her life defending her master's property against burglars who in desperation threw Tiny into a dryer and turned it to "Air Fluff" for what seemed like hours...
...The Hon...
...I am disappointed that a rock star who is supposed to be a role model for young people chose to vandalize the work of another artist," said the incorrigible Mayor...
...Brock having vacated his position to assist his friend, Senator Dole, in Dole's presidential quest...
...In Bonn, West Germany, the Bundestag after much deliberation has decided to excuse one-third of the cost of an elderly lady's careless telephone call to Nairobi, Kenya...
...Robert W. Tetatreau were ordered to pay $6 million for "abusive sex surgery...
...Bange that "We will be investigating this, of course...
...In Washington Mr...
...A 320-pound man who fell into the ocean off Rio Vista, California defeated the 8 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR JANUARY 1988 Coast Guard's every attempt to lift him aboard a 21-foot Coast Guard boat and had to be towed to shore...
...Eldridge Cleaver, the former Black Panther who more recently has become a born-again Christian and neoconservative, held a garage sale to raise money for his forthcoming trial on cocaine charges...
...In Paris, animal lovers are going to have to resort to trash compacters or Chinese restaurants to dispose of deceased pets...
...William Farley, the underwear magnate, declared that he will not seek the Democratic nomination with the enigmatic pronouncement: "There is not time enough to run...
...The corpulent mariner refused to give his name...
...In San Francisco, California, Mayor Dianne Feinstein was deeply disappointed when a singer in the rock band U2 painted graffiti on a public fountain at a concert attended by 20,000 subhumans...
...on November 20 "the whole house shook" when a mass of "brown ice" crashed through his roof and into his son's bedroom leaving "brown ice all over the place" and "some kind of weird smell...
...Paul Corbin increased his daily consumption to forty-five Marlboros and glowed with health...
...In response to the AIDS challenge administrators at the University of California are moving with laudable dispatch to place condom dispensers in all dormitories...
...Potato Head, as he is known to millions of children, handed in his pipe to Surgeon General C. Everett Koop, M.D., and Mr...
...The vending machines will not be placed in public areas where the bashful might be inhibited from using them but in dormitory comfort stations and in laundry areas where the administrators apparently fear students are easily aroused...
...China's strongman Sr...
...Authorities are investigating...
...introduced a Senate resolution to add a woman to the Vietnam War Memorial after Washington's Commission on Fine Arts rejected a similar proposal...
...10 in...
...In Des Moines, Iowa, Mr...
...Deng Xiaoping retired without incident, and on November 12 the first Kentucky Fried Chicken tearoom opened in Shanghai...
...Just days before a record number of Shanghai diners at a nearby restaurant came down with Betchuana Tummy, or food poisoning...
...In one day 762 patrons were infected...
...When it was all over, Tiny did not smell very good either...
...Those who will bear the cost for this extravagance, of course, are the Republicans, who now have had the Democratic agenda endorsed by the White House...
...She has since remarried and moved to Fresno where according to her lawyer, Mr...
...This is good news for the Democrats for 1988...
...Roger Bange...
...James Burnley is replacing Mrs...
...And forget not the thousands of patriotic German Shepherds who served with our snipers in the bush...
...Fred Farrar assured Mr...
...President Reagan may have another hero to extoll...
...Glen C. Millar, 65, and his trusted associate Dr...
...William Brock as Secretary of Labor, Mr...
...and she complained...
...Richard Lenchester and Mr...
...Rupert Wolf-Murray were expelled from Tibet...
...Elizabeth Dole as Secretary of Transportation, Mrs...
...Mario Biaggi was sentenced to thirty months on charges of accepting unlawful gratuities and obstructing justice...
...Senator David Durenberger (R-Minn...
...Dole having vacated her position to assist her husband, Senator Robert Dole, in his presidential quest which he announced on November 9. Mrs...
...In San Luis Obispo, California, Dr...
...Upon suspecting that his wife, Mrs...
...Millar, a gynecologist, apparently sewed shut her vagina...
...In San Diego, California, Superior Court Judge Judith McConnell awarded custody of a 16-year-old boy to his deceased father's homosexual boyfriend...
...And the White House is pretending that the agreement is not in essence the ideal of old Harry Hopkins and all his Democratic heirs to the tax and tax, spend and spend school of politics...
...There was more bad news for AIDS sufferers in California where the directors of Bay Area Rapid Transit thwarted a proposal to offer discount fares to certified carriers of the disease...
...Paris officials have decided not to reopen the city's renowned pet cemetery, Cimetiere du Chiens (et Autre Animaux Exotiques), despite remonstrances by concerned citizens that to close the cemetery is to take a giant step back from a very humane vision and to leave many aging existentialists with no place to inter their mortal remains...
...In the wake of Judge Ginsburg's admission, a number of America's most trusted statesmen confessed to similar peccadillos with cannabis, including Democratic candidates Bruce Babbitt and Albert Gore, Jr., Democratic Senators Lawton Chiles and Claiborne Pell, and Republican Congressman Newt Gingrich...
...Peking announced its annual rat drive, and in Winston, Oregon a rare female southern white rhinoceros died after being shipped from the San Diego Zoo to perform sex acts with one or more males of the species...
...Both are pretending that the $30 million deficit-cutting agreement solemnized on November 20 actually does cut the deficit...
...The two British teachers had allegedly been running an unofficial library and at least one was in possession of lascivious pictures of the Dalai Lama...
...David Sabih, "she can have sex but it hurts her a lot...
...Six decades after the Kaiser, German government has come to this...
...FAA spokesman Mr...
...According to Mr...
...The father died last June of Rock Hudson's Disease...
...Bange, at 3:20 p.m...
...He had stood 5 ft...
...And in Chicago, Illinois, Mayor-for-Life Harold Washington died of a heart attack...
...In Centreville, Virginia, Federal Aviation Administration officials are investigating the possibility that an airplane defecated on the home of Mr...
...Late in the month, Secretary of State George Shultz and his Soviet counterpart Eduard Shevardnadze met in Geneva to elaborate the final details of their arms control artistry and their plans for the forthcoming summit...
...Miss Carter's father is the former Governor of Georgia...
...Anne McLaughlin is replacing Mr...
...Debbie Crandall-Millar, 35, was in love with another man, Dr...
...Apparently after making a five-minute call to a relative in Kenya, the lady failed to return the telephone to its cradle and she ran up a $1,710 bill...
Vol. 21 • January 1988 • No. 1
