The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS •October ends with the usual grinning pumpkin leering into the faces of children with outstretched hands, and with the streets of San Francisco populated by men wearing only...
...Paisley was especially annoyed by the Pope's certitude about transubstantiation...
...RET THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR DECEMBER 1988 9...
...THE CONTINUING CRISIS •October ends with the usual grinning pumpkin leering into the faces of children with outstretched hands, and with the streets of San Francisco populated by men wearing only diapers and carrying baseball bats...
...Larry Perryman, a farmer in Shelbyville, Tennessee, who has shipped the goats to the far reaches of the Republic, claims that the goats are being purchased by people who see them as "oddities...
...Nonetheless, Governor Michael Dukakis's candidacy suffered rigor mortis even before October ended, though in the event that he triumphs the Madisonville News of Madisonville, Tennessee, has turned up a man sufficiently articulate and candid to serve as President Dukakis's White House spokesman...
...Presley fled before Mrs...
...In Chile, General Augusto Pinochet lost his bid to rule Chile until 1997...
...The Rev...
...It was the year of the barricades and dope and the naming of one's love child not with standard Christian monikers but with such names as Amerika, Rainbow, Sun-dance, and poor Trout Fishing in America, who for twenty years now has been an inducement to laughter wherever he goes...
...The 100th Congress adjourned at 3:17 a.m...
...The man, whose name is being withheld, is suing a Sweetwater, Tennessee fast-food restaurant for food poisoning...
...In the United States, however, the forces of uplift are in a fury with the Scouts...
...This was particularly embarrassing because witnesses laughed at him...
...Welling is the intrepid shopper who spotted Mr...
...Then they startle the goats again...
...In Lakeland, Florida, a precocious first-grade boy probably will not be allowed back to school after he pulled a .38-caliber handgun on two female classmates and demanded sexual favors...
...And the lonely campaign of Mrs...
...The local Communist Party has banned the Scouts for forty years in that confusingly named country...
...While the renowned singer, widely assumed to be interred on the grounds of his Tennessee estate, fumbled nervously with change to pay for an electrical fuse, Mrs...
...Let the National Education Association live this one down...
...I've seen some bad but nothing like this," said Mr...
...Alfonso Yanez, a celebrated Santa Clara County animal control officer...
...The restaurant has "offered me a free meal or my money back, but that's not enough for what I went through...
...No one was injured...
...Ian Paisley...
...Said President Dukakis's future spokesman: "My wife wanted to go to the Wal-Mart, so we stopped there and I waited in the car...
...It ran down my pants leg and into my boots...
...In religious news, Aboriginal leaders of Australia's Gumatj tribe have invoked tribal laws to thwart local authorities attempting to destroy a saltwater crocodile that ate one of the tribe's members...
...Welling so rudely...
...In Hungary young people are again free to become Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts...
...In Gilroy, California, Mr...
...According to the News, even after getting himself cleaned up, the man said, he and his wife had to roll down the windows of their car "because the odor was so bad...
...Celebrations got underway commemorating the first century of T. S. Eliot, poet and banker...
...Merrill's unfortunate neighbors, testified that Mr...
...Presley is living and why he has treated Mrs...
...Thitchener made an appearance on this page in February 1987 when he anTHE AMERICAN SPECTATOR DECEMBER 1988 8 nounced to his Unitarian Universalist congregation in Amherst, New York, that he would dispense free condoms at their next church service, only to have it divulged in local newspapers that he had a substantial police record including convictions on charges of drunk driving, assault, disorderly conduct, and exposure of his genitalia to the public gaze...
...Merrill "kept to himself and used to do his gardening while whistling Brahms...
...The goats pass out on the kitchen floor and everyone has a good time for thirty or so seconds before the goats come to...
...Yes, the Scouts actually ate chickens...
...On October 2, the crew of the space shuttle Discovery intoned a testimonial to their ill-fated predecessors who perished aboard Challenger, and the next day they departed outer space for a 12:37 p.m...
...And a University of Notre Dame adjunct professor, under the delusion that he possessed magical powers, burned out an area of his classroom while attempting to maintain the attention of his students with a "flaming hand trick...
...No details of the recipe were given in court records, though it is known that Miss Rodriguez favors a low-salt diet...
...Doubtless these victims of 1968 would agree with an elderly sophisticate from a still earlier era, who in the quiet of is mid-town Manhattan study averred that more amusing and mellifluous names might be found in the annals of pathology—consider: Psoriasis Potter, Colitis du Pont, Pneumonia Trublefield III, or Appendicitis Hochbaum...
...But he needed to use the department store's facilities, and "as soon as I walked in the door, there it went again . . . all down my pants legs and into my boots...
...is growing increasingly indignant about AIDS and intends to lash out against the appalling disease in his Sunday services...
...The goats, when startled, stiffen and collapse owing to a condition known as "myotonia" that has afflicted them for over a century...
...on October 22 after spending still more money that the mean tax payers refuse to bankroll...
...Welling could sound the alarm, but now she has the nation's tabloids enlisted in her campaign to find Elvis, and The American Spectator is asking President Reagan to convene a presidential panel headed by Professor Irving Kristol to determine where Mr...
...Later in the month, Miss Brawley announced that she was desirous of becoming a Muslim and would leave the area to try her luck elsewhere...
...And Mr...
...The couple stopped at the Magic Mart to freshen up: "I walked in there smelling like a dead dog...
...David Corn had two articles published in one issue of the Nation...
...After dining at the establishment, he and his wife proceeded to Madisonville, where he told reporters, "I messed all over myself...
...As Campaign '88 wound down, the Democrats continued to charge the Bush campaign with McCarthyism, racism, and mudslinging...
...Animal Rights leaders in Harrisonburg, Pennsylvania, want local Scout leaders dismissed from scouting and charged with cruelty to animals for instructing Scouts on how to kill and prepare rabbits for eating—always a disgusting act that, and they accorded similar treatment to five chickens...
...They like to have their friends over and startle their pet goats...
...James Merrill, who taught history at Gilroy High School until 1987, was slapped with three citations and ordered out of his house by authorities who found it overrun by cats and so odoriferous that they had to wear breathing equipment in approaching it...
...A New York state grand jury reported an "avalanche" of evidence demonstrating that Miss Tawana Brawley probably was not kidnapped, sexually mistreated, covered with canine excrement, and emblazoned with racial slurs by the IRA or any other nefarious organization in Wappinger Falls, New York...
...Pope John Paul II's appearance before the European Parliament was interrupted by boisterous protests from Northern Ireland's Rev...
...United Press International reported that the legendary "Fainting Goats" of Tennessee are becoming popular household pets nationwide...
...Three people were killed by vampire bats in Bogota, Colombia, and the mayor of Sao Paulo, Brazil has banned string bikinis, which is not as harsh as it might sound...
...In Tibet a Chinese soldier accosted Miss Kris Tait, a British tourist, and nearly tore her "Sergeant Bilko" T-shirt from her, thinking that the glabrous head of the late American comedian Phil Silvers was actually the head of the Dalai Lama...
...The saltwater crocodile is held to be sacred by the Gumatj as well as an excellent birth control device...
...Carl Thitchener is back in the news...
...Now the Buffalo News reports that the Rev...
...Elvis Presley standing in checkout line Number 2 at Felpausch's Supermarket in Vicksburg...
...Joyce Brown, the homeless lady who successfully fought involuntary hospitalization in New York City and lectured at the Harvard Law School, pled guilty to a disorderly conduct charge after being arrested and charged with possession of a hypodermic needle and a small quantity of heroin...
...The Rev...
...Perryman's business is particularly brisk on Manhattan's Upper East Side...
...And in a follow-up to a story first reported here last July, Miss Guadelupe Rodriguez of Los Angeles pled guilty to baking her boyfriend's pet parrot in a 450-degree oven after arguing with him...
...Hence there remain but two months more in the year-long solemnizing of 1968, an appalling year but one over which numerous 1960s youth blubber...
...In Stockholm, King Carl Gustaf was denied his request for a special parking permit allowing him to speed up his stops at the grocery and the dry cleaners...
...Al Burlson, one of Mr...
...Louise Welling of Vicksburg, Michigan, may end in success after all...
...Sao Paulo has no beaches...
...He might also make an excellent chairman at the Consumer Products Safety Commission...
...Another retired high school teacher has been found living in a house overrun with cats and befouled with feces...
...And the Rev...
...Welling lost all power of speech...
...EDT landing at Andrews Air Force Base, where Vice President George Bush gave them an official and chastely non-political greeting...
Vol. 21 • December 1988 • No. 12
