The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS •July has now passed and still no confabulation of keepers of the English language has noted Senate Majority Leader Robert C. Byrd's masterpiece of May 29. Quoth the Hon. Byrd...
...When some snoop discovered a vast system of tunnels beneath our Moscow embassy, the Reaganites raised the usual anti-Soviet charges...
...Douglas (Wrong Way) Corrigan arrived in New York City to solemnize the 49th anniversary of his historic nonstop solo flight...
...And President Reagan nominated Judge Robert Bork to replace retiring Supreme Court Justice Lewis Powell, setting off a huge furor...
...Miss Linda Duke, a Los Angeles music-lover who attended a rock concert by Mr...
...In opening his campaign for the presidency, Senator Albert Gore of Tennessee struck a curious theme, orating that "the ancient practice of human sacrifice, once commonplace throughout the world, is now obsolete...
...Byrd in the infallible New York Times, "This Senator is not going to stand supinely by in silence and quaking with fear and...
...The first popular music charts ever to appear in the Soviet Union were published, but back in America the Cold War hysteria continues...
...and then there was the cross examining by Senator Orrin Hatch and by Representative Henry Hyde to contrast against Representative Louis Stokes...
...Before the astonished eyes of the Democrats he told of Vice President George Bush's readiness to overrule his Secret Service detail and meet with Salvadoran opponents of American policy, all of whom were armed and dangerous, to warn them of the Administration's passion for democracy...
...On July 17 Mr...
...and Lockheed Missiles and Space officials announced in Sunnyvale, Florida, that they had commenced an investigation into charges that an employee "stomped" two stray kittens to death...
...Both have been stolen by grave robbers who are seeking an $8 million ransom...
...If confirmed, Judge Bork would be the first bearded justice since Charles Evans Hughes...
...Archie Campbell of the television show "Hee Haw...
...It was, said Colonel North, "one of the bravest things I've seen...
...The Democratic party's latest experiment in partisan politics proved to be catastrophic, not only for the Democratic party but also for several Republicans such as the vacuous Senator Paul Trible...
...Oliver North, both of whom know where Nicaragua is on a map...
...Bull 8 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR SEPTEMBER 1987 Gap, Tennessee received a state grant to build a museum to Mr...
...According to the Gallup organization, 52 percent of the American public now favor nationwide AIDS testing...
...The Commerce Department announced that the economy grew at 2.6 percent in the second quarter...
...She also has to wear earmuffs while vacuuming and is unable to use her hair dryer or participate in many of her other former indoor recreations...
...RET THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR SEPTEMBER 1987 9...
...and what did he discover...
...He also married Miss Erma Ora James, but that was an education of a different sort...
...In his testimony before the Joint Investigative Committee Mr...
...Kris Kristofferson, tireless participant at benefit concerts, bravely faced an unforeseen public relations setback after a benefit concert for Vietnam Veterans when a cursory inspection of his garbage revealed the plaque that the veterans had given him...
...Waddell was a founder of the Gay "Olympics...
...Finally, the renowned International Epicurean Circle of London has named haggis, Scotland's national dish, "the most horrible gastronomic and culinary disaster of the century," revealing that the Circle's gastronomes know not granola...
...At some point during those four days she had croaked...
...The senator is college-educated...
...In San Francisco, Dr...
...Gore's especial issue was thought to be something about the ozone layer...
...Yuliya Vorobeyeva, who sustained a 380-volt electric shock in 1978, has now developed the capacity to see through clothing and even walls—making her, one would think, a coveted participant in the Soviet work force...
...From New Delhi, India, comes word that the Calcutta Girls' School, a Methodist Church-run school, has expelled Miss Vidya Abraham, 7, for being left-handed...
...Kristofferson made it up to the vets by appearing in Matagalpa, Nicaragua with President Daniel Ortega on July 19 at festivities marking the eighth anniversary of the Sandinista Revolution...
...He has attended Beckley College, Concord College, Morris Harvey College, Marshall University, and American University...
...In Vicksburg, Mississippi, Miss Toni Seawright became the first black to be crowned Miss Mississippi...
...David Lee Roth late last year, is suing the rock star for damaging her hearing during the aforementioned concert and rendering her an insomniac prone to dizzy spells and nose bleeds...
...But that Guinness Stout pulled from a genuine Irish pump along the Liffey did wondrously irrigate the old esophagus, eh Wrong Way...
...Moreover, Admiral Poindexter and Colonel North began to reveal the absurd lengths to which an administration has to go to thwart Congress's politicization of foreign policy...
...Just ten weeks after a robust Mr...
...In Noordwijkerhoot, the Netherlands, the seventh world pole-sitting championship got under way but without Secretary of State George Shultz—a real loss, that...
...Twenty-eight hours later he landed in Dublin, Ireland, the victim of a faulty compass, he insists...
...And from Buenos Aires, Argentina, it is reported that the corpse of former President Juan D. Peron has no hands at all...
...Chinese restaurants in San Francisco, California are putting condoms in fortune cookies...
...Shultz had indicated that he has been pole-sitting ever since he became secretary of state...
...And the youngest child of the most erudite family to inhabit the White House since the Hardings was dismissed from Brown University for academic insufficiency...
...The Labor Department reported that unemployment declined two-tenths of a percentage point to its lowest point since 1979...
...Thomas F Waddell, 49, died of AIDS...
...Their televised investigation of the Reagan presidency might have benefited the Democrats handsomely had they only heard the lachrymose drones of Secretary of State George Shultz, but they also had to listen to Admiral John Poindexter and Lt...
...In Pietersburg, South Africa, an unnamed fifty-year-old man got up to ask his wife, who had been watching television for four straight days, to change the channel...
...And the national Centers for Disease Control reported a 23-percent increase in syphilis cases this year, reversing a five-year decline...
...Any clear-sighted reader of the Nation could have told them that the system was obviously an air shelter being constructed for American diplomats by concerned Soviets, or an underground jazz club...
...Suddenly the ignorance, isolationism, and onanism threatening the Democratic party became clear to a gigantic national audience...
...All that -ever made him consider resigning were matters of personal perquisites, such as access to a government airplane when a Stanford alumni function was on...
...The Reagan Revolution spreads to foreign parts...
...And the Democrats could only watch and pray that the Bush campaign was not listening...
...Colonel North transformed himself into an All-American hero and revealed a mere Republican presidential candidate as a hero too...
...And concern for safe sex has even reached Ireland where officials of the Dublin Zoo moved two hippopotamuses into a larger pool during those perilous days of conjugal embrace...
...Theretofore the Hon...
...In sports news the National League won the All-Star Game 2-0...
...Thomas Corlett, 58, a British civil servant, admitted in Southwark Crown Court that he had indeed strangled his wife but explained that he only did so after she had placed a "pot" of mustard by his dinner plate, creating havoc for him and his newspaper...
...Karl Linnas was deported from the United States to the Soviet Union, the accused Nazi died of acute heart, kidney, and liver failure, despite the wizardry of Soviet medicine...
...The Soviet newspaper Izvestia reported that Mrs...
...She had suffered a heart attack, probably in the first day of her TV meditation, for a neighbor who was assisting in the exacting task of channel-changing has testified that the wife looked "funny...
...Miss Amy Carter had been studying "Native American Literature, feminist frameworks, plant biology, and linguistics," the modern progressive's equivalent of yesteryear's Home Economics curriculum...
...It was on July 17, 1938 that the fabled aviator took off from Brooklyn's Floyd Bennett Field to fly to California...
...Yet the unwholesome state of the Soviet environment remains problematic, certainly for tourism...
...Once again television's morbid influence has been demonstrated...
Vol. 20 • September 1987 • No. 9
