The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS •A. very mild winter underwent stupendous change late in January when two pitiless snowstorms hit the East Coast and the Midwest, causing many Americans to rethink their...
...On January 22 the disgraced state Treasurer of Pennsylvania, Mr...
...Lloyd Thoren announced that he is closing his American Atheist Museum and moving it to environs more hospitable to a practicing atheist...
...More damaging evidence of the threat posed by the natural order against mankind turned up when a very brave New Jersey health authority, Mr...
...Western deodorants and scented soaps have been a source of disquiet in Manila, and during the Marcos regime journalists used them at their peril, for palace officials frequently found them sexually arousing...
...Bird feathers, too, can be most unwholesome...
...I think we can all agree that the word squash is such a word...
...Navy diver Robert Stethem, causing Beirut kidnappers to go into a kidnapping frenzy that left many Westerners eager to see above-ground nuclear testing resumed, this time in downtown Beirut...
...They raised $100...
...Thus it is a hand-me-down...
...After eight years of struggle in rural Petersburg, Indiana, Mr...
...In the Hague the Dutch Parliament will cough up only $44,000 toward construction of a pink marble monument to commemorate the many valorous deeds effected by Dutch gays in their struggle against oppression, and in Rhyolite, Nevada, the hopes and dreams of transforming this ghost town into a model gay community were dashed when the community's Founding Fairies fell short of raising the necessary $2.5 million to buy it...
...As a matter of pride, if not of terminological exactitude, the homosexual community should have a fresh designation, unsullied by the past and emblematic of some genuine characteristic of homosexual life...
...Thor-son's lawyer, the plaintiff had given up a promising career in dance for Mr...
...In Raleigh, North Carolina, an unemployed construction worker, Mr...
...Chancellor Helmut Kohl's center-right coalition won the West German elections, and Stars and Stripes won the right to challenge Kookaburra III for the America's Cup...
...My original concern was that the excitement of so much noise and so much movement would alarm the animal," explained Miss Hendry, an animal-rights rigorist and reader of the New Republic...
...Liberace and had undergone painful surgery "to more closely conform his facial features to those of Liberace...
...Squash is native to the New World, and was a staple in the Native American's diet...
...Moreover newspapers, television, and Congress suffered declines in credibility of 9 percent, 21 percent, and 8 percent, respectively...
...The President's favorable rating increased to 61 percent...
...Robert Raymond Proulx, was charged with shooting a United Airlines jet during a hunting expedition near the wilds of Raleigh-Durham Airport...
...A Zimbabwean nurse, who doused a colleague in gasoline after the latter bit off her ear and swallowed it, was sentenced to four years in prison...
...Liberace's full-time travel secretary, chauffeur, animal trainer, and poofter, has settled his palimony suit...
...The Chinese Communist Party's upscale newspaper, the Guangming Daily, gave qualified approval of the bikini bathing suit, and back in the USA the Justice Department released the very satisfactory finding that three of every 100 adult American males by the end of 1985 were incarcerated or under some other correctional supervision such as probation or the Stanford University graduate degree program...
...It is 100 percent American and unlike the adjective gay can be embroidered on clothes and banners...
...Thoren donated the museum's building and land to American Atheists, Inc., after Soviet officials failed to respond to his offer to donate the building to the Soviet Union...
...Let the universities hold their Squash Rights Week...
...Health authorities are distributing 15,000 free prophylactics to teenagers in romantic Iceland to thwart the AIDS virus...
...The Department of Labor reported that in 1986 prices rose at the lowest rate in twenty-five years, 1.1 percent...
...R. Budd Dwyer, made a dreadful mess of his final press conference by blowing his brains out as the cameras rolled...
...Etymologically, to use gay as a designation for homosexuality is, if you will pardon the expression, bull treacle...
...In the media, a series of revelations about the Reagan Administration's dealings in the Middle East and Central America shed new darkness on current events, though the political cognoscenti seemed not to notice that by late January Americans knew nothing more than they knew in December, and then they only knew what Attorney General Edwin Meese and an obscure Beirut magazine had told them...
...In overseas news a Ugandan voodoo priestess sent an army of rebels to their deaths against government forces at Corner Kilak...
...Not until heterosexuals abandoned the word for racier, trendier formulations could homosexuals grasp the tattered epithet as their own...
...According to Mr...
...Rather than the $113 million that he had sought, he is settling for $95,000 and the memories...
...Taking these setbacks into account along with bleak news of homosexual disease, the time has come to acknowledge that as a designation for homosexuality the word gay is a crass misnomer...
...very mild winter underwent stupendous change late in January when two pitiless snowstorms hit the East Coast and the Midwest, causing many Americans to rethink their childish enthusiasm for skiing and reminding them of all the lovely islands in the Caribbean just waiting for our 82nd Airborne...
...The Gallup Poll reported that 80 percent of the citizenry was not even very interested in the revelations...
...Cephalic indices and empirical obser8 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR MARCH 1987 vations of homosexuals at public demonstrations and on Halloween night in San Francisco have established that many homosexuals develop heads shaped very much like squash (Curubita maxima...
...for as applied to sexual laxity the word originally designated heterosexual liaisons only...
...Thoren's next victim will be San Francisco...
...Homosexuals less favored by nature frequently have heads reminiscent of the squat acorn squash, which is even tastier than the butternut, particularly when braised in brown sugar...
...and Miss Rumi Kume, a 23-year-old Japanese office worker with no prior political experience, won Tokyo's sixth annual Loud Voice contest...
...West German authorities arrested Mohammed Ali Hamadi, one of the suspected murderers of U.S...
...President Reagan's New Year's message to the Soviet citizenry was mysteriously jammed, and in Manila Western journalists went on the alert after the progressive government of President Corazon Aquino announced that it would bar journalists from the presidential palace who "smell bad...
...Tens of thousands of students marched through Shanghai and Peking shouting slogans of libertarian import...
...Let us henceforth speak of our homosexuals as squashes...
...Homosexuals need not endure slur terms but should be given an attractive appellation that pleases them and represents them as they are...
...Lester W. Jargowsky, divulged that the bacterial pollution that forced the closing of the beach near New Jersey's Kid's World Amusement Pier last summer was the lethal consequence of common bird excreta...
...Scott Thorson, 27, who until 1982 served as Mr...
...Dustin Hoffman is being sued over a death in his hot tub, and in Oveido, Spain, embarrassment ensued when surgeons intent on amputating a gangrenous leg discovered that they had removed the wrong one...
...Thoren assured the AP from his underground home behind the heavily fortified museum, for "I'm a very tolerant man...
...The 100th Congress opened with ominous timpani growling off stage...
...Youthful, nicely-mdcled homosexuals often have heads shaped like the well-known butternut squash, best served plain or with butter...
...In Petersburg "everyone got accustomed to us finally," Mr...
...It should be discarded by all thinking Americans of whatever sexual proclivity if they have any regard whatsoever for language and meaning...
...RET...
...In Orange Park, Florida, Miss Cheryl Hendry, an Orange Park High School Latin teacher, resigned her position to protest a school fund-raising event wherein a disgusting football coach aggressively kissed a helpless young pig...
...And let us accord proper respect to the Squash Community...
...A woman in Sapporo, Japan, wrote a 280-page book by winking...
Vol. 20 • March 1987 • No. 3
