The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS •Just as the 1986 hurricane season was going down in the record books as one of the quietest ever, Washington was hit by gusts of hot air the likes of which have not been seen...
...It is a message of peace, and couldn't be more concrete," he added, in an obvious reference to Mr...
...What did it all mean...
...The Soviets freed Mr...
...The federal government's Commission on Executive, Legislative, and Judicial Salaries advised raising some government salaries by up to 80 percent...
...James H. Wentzel, president of the Legal Services Corporation, resigned after published reports that he had been apprehended for allegedly shoplifting $5.66 worth of snack cakes, ham, and canned vegetables...
...This journal's recommendation that the Reagan Administration might better fund the contras through a series of charitable balls paid for by the country's social strivers rather than rely on a majority of infinitely flightier congressmen has been co-opted by Mr...
...Nightbyrd, whose company markets pure urine to people facing drug tests, held a Urine Ball to raise legal defense monies...
...Aspiring Casanovas throughout the great state of Ohio let out a yell when the Governor's Task Force on Adolescent Sexuality and Pregnancy announced plans to have school districts identify young people who are "at risk" of becoming pregnant so that the frolicsome young ladies "can be aided with special programs...
...In freedom-loving Bangui, Central African Republic, the Hon...
...There were even death threats...
...Percy Lee Jones, when Mr...
...The President was riding at the peak of his popularity, and then it hit: Contragate or Iragua or Irangate or Irancontragate...
...The Club's entry, America II, lost to the New Zealand in a match race on December 14—a kinder fate than what Italy's team suffered...
...Jean-Bedel Bokassa, formerly Emperor Bokassa I, went on trial on charges of murder and cannibalism, the usual complaints...
...and Miss Marjorie Husted, champion of "good housekeeping" and promoter of Betty Crocker, also shook her mortal coil...
...Unfortunately, they dressed the kangaroo in a jacket containing the keys to their car, and when the saltant beast abruptly came to and lit out for the bush the Italians were left with an arduous walk back to civilization...
...Why," he asked, "don't conservatives retrieve their wounded...
...the Italians were befoozled by an actual kangaroo...
...The valiant Patrick J. Buchanan singlehandedly and without White House support challenged Republicans and conservatives to stand by the President...
...The most curious aspect of the furor was how rapidly the President found himself deserted even by conservatives...
...Willie B. Hamilton, chicken on Christmas Eve...
...She too was 94...
...Finally, Mr...
...Jeff Nightbyrd of Houston, Texas...
...Johnson's words, "a pathological liar, and you can quote me on that...
...and in Sacramento, California, the Animal Liberation Front mounted a covert operation to free 127 turkeys (Meleagris gallopavo) from two nearby turkey ecumenes...
...Voyager flew around the outer rim of the platter...
...Daniel Ortega...
...Nonetheless, soon the President lost twenty popularity points...
...Sam Hall, the neoconservative brother of Democratic Congressman Tony Hall, was arrested in a Nicaraguan taxi in a Nicaraguan military base in Nicaragua...
...Tony Bennett, claiming that she "sustained serious bodily injuries with accompanying pain and emotional distress" during a seven-month love affair with the sixty-year-old singer...
...ordered that a lighted cross be removed from a state building...
...anyone who claims that the plane flew around a globe is, in Mr...
...In Newark, New Jersey, the Rev...
...Both remain in hardbound...
...but the Sandinistas did release Mr...
...The New York Post reported on December 11 that Miss Kate Smith remained unburied, though she expired six months ago...
...Marquette Frye, known to history as the man who began the 1965 Watts riots, died of natural causes...
...Jones refused to serve the customer, Mr...
...Among his immortal works are Mushrooms, Russia 8 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR FEBRUARY 1987 and History and The Wondrous Mushroom: Mycolatry in Mesoamerica...
...This is our Christmas and New Year's message to the American people," sang Sandinista strongman Sr...
...Jim Herrington, an accomplished ballroom dancer...
...There were student riots in Peking and Shanghai, and the Lanzhou Evening News reported that a bridegroom in Northeast China kissed his wife so passionately on the neck that she immediately assumed room temperature for good...
...The New Yorkers were outwitted by antipodeans...
...Willie B. Hamilton at least until more suitable surroundings can be found, Federal Judge William H. Barbour, Jr...
...Andrei Sakharov from his seven-year "internal exile" in foul Gorky, a metropolis not unlike Gary, Indiana...
...And a volunteer Santa Claus was shot on Christmas Eve in a New Mexico state penitentiary...
...Throughout December and into January no one knew quite what to call the disturbance, and its elements were so elusive that every discussion of it verged on the incomprehensible...
...The Ball had the active support of the legal director for the Texas Civil Liberties Union, Mr...
...For the first time in 135 years a New York Yacht Club boat will not sail in an America's Cup final...
...Actually, saying that Voyager flew "around" the earth may not be quite accurate, for Mr...
...A deeper question and a new one that all conservatives might ask is, Why do they have so many wounded in the first place...
...RET THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR FEBRUARY 1987 9...
...Hasenfus's head...
...In Sydney, Australia, a chilling outburst of intolerance forced Australian sportsmen to cancel a forthcoming international dwarf-throwing contest between Australia and Great Britain...
...In San Antonio, Texas, Representative Henry B. Gonzalez, the conscience of Texas's congressional delegation, punched a man whom he thought he overheard calling him a Communist, though the man could have been calling him a Comedian or a Comestible—the Hon...
...He was 42...
...Bennett infected her with herpes against her wishes...
...In Fresno, California, complaints from two strict constructionists caused city officials to remove from city buses the Salvation Army's seasonal slogan "Sharing is Caring—God Bless You...
...Dumas Malone, the author of interminable histories of Thomas Jefferson, died at the age of 94...
...Laurent, Mr...
...It was an accident...
...In progressive Zimbabwe crop guards shot a sleeping colleague after mistaking his snores for the grunts of a wild pig...
...Dick Rutan and Miss Jeana Yeager risked all to fly their twinengined and twin-tailed aeroplane, Voyager, 23,000 miles around the world without refueling or being blasted from the skies by one of the world's growing number of pests...
...A disgruntled customer at the Corner Lounge diner in Jackson, Mississippi, shot and killed a short-order cook, Mr...
...Christabel Dodd...
...The guard was treated at a local animal clinic and released...
...According to Miss Feldman, Mr...
...All had been quiet in our Nation's Capital...
...Jerome Zipkin, the Hogarth Beards of Cocoa Beach, Florida/Greenwich, Connecticut, and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir...
...Miss Dorothy Molter, dubbed by the Saturday Evening Post as "the loneliest woman in America," died at her home on Minnesota's Knife Lake, alone...
...The joyous Christmas season once again brought out the best in people...
...Eugene Hasenfus from one of their model prisons into the hands of one of their model American senators, the Hon...
...According to the infallible 71‘cson Citizen, the idiotic Italians encountered the kangaroo lying unconscious by a rural roadside and were quick to perceive the commercial benefit in photographing the beast attired in their team jacket...
...Miss Linda Feldman, a resident of Manhattan's West Side, has filed a $90 million lawsuit against Mr...
...Romano Ferraro, a progressive Catholic, notified his flock at a December 6 mass that Santa Claus was dead, setting off wails throughout the church...
...The Front is a secret organization devoted to the principle that "meat is murder" and that the Bill of Rights applies equally to fauna as to Mr...
...Congressman James Wright of Texas became Speaker of the House and promptly called for a tax increase...
...In Slidell, Louisiana, Mr...
...Charles H. Johnson of the Flat Earth Research Society International was quick to note that the Earth is not a globe but rather a platter...
...Gonzalez is getting on in years...
...THE CONTINUING CRISIS •Just as the 1986 hurricane season was going down in the record books as one of the quietest ever, Washington was hit by gusts of hot air the likes of which have not been seen since Nixonian times...
...Yves St...
...R. Gordon Wasson, the mushroom expert, died at the age of 88...
...In Jackson, Mississippi, home of Mr...
...Alfred K. Uhry, Jr., a First Amendment absolutist, was again arrested for making obscene telephone calls, and in Washington, D.C., Mr...
Vol. 20 • February 1987 • No. 2
