The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS 'Mid-term elections attracted an amazing 37.3 percent of the electorate. It is a prodigious figure when one considers the many wholesome activities available to Americans in...
...Finally, Miss Geraldine Ferraro's automobile was stolen from her home in the Forest Hills section of Queens...
...In faraway Kanpur, Uttar Pradesh, young Mr...
...Nonetheless, nearly 40 percent of the American electorate could find nothing better to do on a beautiful November day than to cast ballots for the array of boobs and boob-fetchers at large during the fall of 1986...
...In Jersey City, a 53-year-old police sergeant about to be retired after 25 years of duty was shot dead by a naked man yelling "Mommy, Mommy...
...Miss Ferraro reported the theft at 7:25 a.m., a surprisingly early hour for her to be awakening these days, as will be explained in due course...
...Pol Pot was reported sick...
...In Athens the publisher of a Greek weekly of leftist inclination was found guilty of describing Resistance International, a Paris-based anti-Communist organization, as a "snake pit of super tramps...
...Now it will appear on a minor planet somewhere near Jupiter...
...Mr...
...During his campaign he spoke only in jingles and grunts, and now he is heading for Washington to join Uncle Ted in draining Scotch bottles and terrorizing waitresses...
...His rows with the press have reached new intensity, and on November 19 a New York jury convicted eight men of criminal behavior that sounds like nothing so much as the Mafia that the Governor insists is an illusion...
...It has been a foul season for Governor Cuomo...
...Violinist Arthur Grumiaux passed away in Brussels, and Mr...
...He was 96...
...Mahler, adding that he could "not imagine a worse health problem in this century...
...In Portage, Indiana, six young men armed themselves to the dentures, trained as a "Delta Force" in an abandoned missile site, and were about to storm a mental-health center to free a daft Hoosier siren when the cops spoiled the fun...
...Anthony Cima, the 87year-old San Diego bibliomaniac who after an earthquake in July was trapped for 12 hours under thousands of his own books, died...
...Early in November the National Academy of Sciences decried Washington's response to AIDS as distressingly inadequate, and on November 20 Dr...
...According to the United News of India, Mr...
...RET...
...Boy Joe's repertoire of bad habits and errancies includes all those of his most ill-behaved relatives and some unknown even to Kennedys...
...And in Memphis, Tennessee, unknown locals stole former Australian prime minister Malcolm Fraser's pants...
...Naylor, "and roller skates on their arms, and roll them down an expansive floor toward the skittles...
...Vyacheslav M. Molotov, the eponym for one of the most famous cocktails in the world, died of natural causes...
...suffered a sudden VD scare when the Great Peace March arrived late in November, bringing several hundred vegetarians, nudists, frotteurs, whale fanciers, and a lone juggler, all glassy-eyed and bragging of their good deeds...
...He has raised $5,000 in pennies to feed the hungry, according to UPI, and now he intends to break the world record for sitting in a bathtub filled with more than 26 gallons of baked beans...
...In Shrewsbury, Vermont, as many as 4,000 voyeurs showed up daily to watch live sex between a nubile cow and a New Age moose...
...Former President Jimmy Carter turned up in Peshawar, Pakistan, where he was photographed speaking to what appeared to be a lunatic, telling him that President Ronald Reagan is insufficiently rigorous in his resistance to Russian Communism...
...Mr...
...As the poet said, "time wounds all heals...
...The quake had measured 5.3 on the Richter scale...
...Carter, however, often criticizes the President from foreign soil, for he has been very badly wounded by history's ingratitude...
...Ivan Boesky pled guilty to receiving illicit information and profiting thereby, as will be explained in due course...
...Duncan's efficiency had he not been comatose...
...An unnamed Toronto philanthropist of the Bob Geldof variety captured the spirit of the age...
...And according to the editor of Australian People, Mr...
...In Massachusetts's Eighth District the citizenry went to such extremes as to replace retiring Speaker of the House O'Neill with an even more egregious imbecile, Joseph Kennedy II, a reductio ad absurdum of a Kennedy...
...A two-alarm fire was set off in a Lafayette, California crematory after a 500-pound corpse became too hot to handle...
...In Sydney the Australian People magazine again sponsored Australia's highly competitive "dwarf-throwing" season despite protests from opponents of the strenuous life...
...Washington, D.C...
...From Australia there comes welcome evidence that not all journalists are the moral exhibitionists we Yanks have come to expect...
...David Naylor, this season "dwarf-bowling" will be added to the competitions: "We're going to strap a skateboard to their stomachs," vowed the innovative Mr...
...Moments after killing Sergeant Donald Carroll, Mr...
...For some the promise of America is empty, as will be explained in due course...
...She and her son used to watch the commentaries of Bill Moyers together...
...Savita has tried everything, including eating a lizard...
...There was a time when ex-Presidents traveling abroad did not speak ill of successors...
...Naresh Kumar Savita would have envied Mr...
...In Missoula, Montana, townspeople who have grown fond of the reassuring sound of Mr...
...That Pakistani airliner that inexplicably crashed late in October near Karachi may have been the casualty of nearby marriage revels...
...Dawn, a leading Karachi gazette, reported that seven bridegrooms had been celebrating their marriages the night that the plane crashed, and apparently it is a Pakistani custom for men on their wedding nights to fire their guns into the heavens 'at anything that flies...
...Kim Il Sung, was reported dead and the Khmer Rouges Mr...
...Mitchell was put beyond the reformers' mercies by a fusillade of police fire...
...That drug charge against a Fayetteville, West Virginia county commissioner who kept a laminated marijuana leaf displayed in his office was dismissed when the judge doubted that the defendant, Commissioner John Witt, could smoke the coated leaf...
...Soviet astronomer Miss Lyudmila Chernykh discovered the planet early in November and just up and named it for Miss Smith...
...When the ammunition is gone they go home, as will be explained in due course...
...Finally, the press is no longer clamoring for President Ronald Reagan to make an effort to free hostages held in Lebanon, as will be explained in due course...
...It is a prodigious figure when one considers the many wholesome activities available to Americans in November...
...Perhaps he could try jaywalking in New York City...
...two weeks later Mr...
...Savita is recovering from his twenty-first attempt at suicide, after having leaped from a third-story window only to fall on a fat lady or into a gigantic wedding cake or onto some other unforeseen cushion...
...Moreover, Boy Joe can hardly speak English...
...Duncan, a chronic hiccup sufferer, has gone and done himself in...
...Roy Duncan's hiccups will have to make do with the sound of silence or perhaps buy themselves a frog pond...
...Halfdan Mahler, head of the World Health Organization, sounded equally cheerless: "We're running scared," said Dr...
...John Parks committed suicide when it appeared that authorities were about to 8 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR JANUARY 1987 discover the whereabouts of his mother, who died over a year ago and has been seated in her living room ever since...
...Her name already appears on a species of nonlethal Soviet flower, a 12,000-foot mountain peak, and a babushka...
...Samantha Smith's name was applied to yet another Soviet property...
...The assailant, Mr...
...William Mitchell, was another of the thousands of beneficiaries of that incomparable reformist movement that has made the incarceration of the insane nearly impossible...
...North Korea's strongman, Mr...
...William L. Wall, the executive director of the Amateur Basketball Association of America, asserted that he was "concerned and embarrassed" that Miss Kay Yow, designated the coach of our 1988 amazons' Olympic basketball team, had recently offended Soviet sensibilities by smuggling Bibles into Moscow during international competitions, and in Houston, Texas, Mr...
...Kim survived...
Vol. 20 • January 1987 • No. 1
