PRESS-BOMBING AS A BIG TEN SPORT
Nathan, George
iM ALTERNATIVE: Published remarkably without regard to race, color, creed, or (most redundantly of all) national origin. Editor in Chief, R. Emmeit Tyrrell, Jr. Publishers, The Saturday Evening...
...And he shatters the view that conservatives are against common men and for businessmen...
...As presently constituted, the Daily Stupid is nothing more than a poorly written bulletin board...
...4 The Alternative Interviews An American Gothic: William F. Buckley, Jr...
...It should incorporate, function as an independent newspaper, and hire pupil writers who have something to say, who say it well and who say it accurately...
...FLOATS LEAVING REGULARLY FROM OUR LUXURIOUS HOOKS IN MOUNT WELLSEY NORTH DAKOTA Call 332-9172...
...The blame resides not with the pupils who often work very hard — especially Mr...
...Churlish and baneful, the Stupid's scribblers reify notions and, at their most reflective, mistake their capricious sentiments for thoughts...
...Balough's colleagues — but with the primitive approach of the journalism department...
...Subscriptions cost $1.50, and all correspondence (manuscripts, subscriptions, threatening letters, federal grants, etc...
...Stupid writers have nothing to say because the journalism department has nothing to teach...
...H. L. Mencken subsumed such swine as journalistic "pants pressers" — I would not trust them with my bermuda shorts...
...Have you ever come away from talking with a member of the Stupid staff without experiencing the ineluctable sensation you have just partaken in the Beatific Vision...
...A typical TO BARE THE WITNESS AND THE TRUTH INDEX Press-Bombing As A Big Ten Sport by George Nathan...
...Come Ye then to 319 N. Walnut CAFE LA TORTILLA Corner of Kirkwood and Grant MEXICAN CUISINE • Tostados • Tacos • Enchillados • Tamales • Burritos • Chili • Roast Beef Sandwich Also Mexican Crafts For Sale 12 PRESS-BOMBING — Continued from Page 2 be greatly abbreviated...
...The ineffable wisdom of his proposal commends itself to immediate acceptance...
...If the Stupid is ever to rise even to the level of pornography it must wriggle free of the department's diseased clutches...
...Faithful to our purpose of sharing the Promethean fire of SUPERIOR INTELLIGENCE with all mankind, our associate, X. James Bopp, will from his infinite wisdom soon offer a sagacious design for liberating the Daily Stupid and operating it independently...
...9 Escape by Mary Qwaint...
...He believes in floating exchange rates for currencies, instead pf the present pegged rates...
...But if you don't like the way the federal government is run, you don't have much choice...
...Unfortunately prolonged exposure to the effluvium of the journalism school seems only to cultivate the most repugnant arrogance...
...He holds most staunchly the conservative view that governmental services, so far as possible, should be provided locally — as close to the taxpayer as possible...
...Only with difficulty could they edit the laconic comic strip, Peanuts...
...If not for their continuing usefulness in wrapping garbage, newspapers would long ago have been superannuated by radio, television and bongo drums...
...6 An Increasing Cost of Free Love by Alan Somers...
...He believes in the unilateral elimination of all tariffs between countries...
...SEE: Averell Harriman continue his thirty year career as an international imbecile...
...With news stories reported by ideological nymphomaniacs, and editorials written by philosophical sea slugs, the American press is an abomination to the American citizenry (a citizenry which masters the globe, and a mastery disputed only by several hundred thousand species of insects and microscopic organisms...
...YE OLDE REGULATOR Are Ye 21 & Do Ye Appreciate Noble Cocktails, Beer & Sandwiches...
...600 includes round trip ticket and civilized accommodations for first three years...
...2 The Irrelevance of Student Government by George W. Muncaster...
...Flourishing such an imposing trinity of botchery, is it any wonder that they graduate immediately to the ranks of national scribblers...
...Publishers, The Saturday Evening Club Managing Editor, Jefferson Davis Literary Editor, Stojan Tesich Business Manager, Baron Von Kannon Editorial Staff, Brent Clary George Nathan Janis Starcs Associates, X. James Bopp Frank Octave Brunell Deborah Harshey Contributors, Louisa Porter Michael Shoemaker Marilyn Ritter Mary Qwaint Sir Arthur Wellesley George Washington Plunkitt Foreign Contributors, Alan Somers Kevin Berry Jerry Gerde The Alternative is published monthly from September through June...
...steel has failed the market test...
...Reprinted with special permission from the Chicago Daily News...
...If you don't like the way Illinois is run, you can move to another state...
...Certainly the journalist's craft will not suffer from acquiring the historical awareness which comes from readings in history, philosophy and science, and he can only write precisely about people if he knows them...
...For today in searching for knowledge one might sooner seek it on the cave walls of Homo neanderthalensis than on the barren sheets of one's daily Blah...
...Friedman, in fact, "scares hell out of most businessmen," said an East Coast colleague...
...6, 1200 N. Indiana, Bloomington, Indiana 47401...
...He believes gold should be regarded as just another commodity, and its price should be freed to seek whatever level supply and demand would determine...
...If on the undergraduate level it is not wholly abolished, its requirements should at least — Continued on Page 12 2 FRIEDMAN — Continued from Page 11 vile subversive plots such as fluoridated drinking water...
...Rather than contriving the innane doodlings appearing in the Stupid, journalism pupils might better spend their time pursuing an actual liberal arts education and stretching their legs outside the Ernie Pyle Tabernacle...
...The typical national scribbler is disgorged from a college journalism department, adopted by some idiot newspaper mullah and moored behind a desk — there to inconditely radiate heresy to unwary readers straying from the intelligibility of the classified ads...
...6 The Alter Native by Sir Arthur Wellesley...
...SEE: Cyrus Vance besot himself in exalted diplomacy with the pajama-clad primates of the stagnant East...
...by George Nathan If today a resurrected Will Rogers were to iterate his famous dictum "I only know what I read in the papers," it would qualify him as the most nakedly displayed public moron in history...
...Such an enterprise would do more than offer its audience fine writers...
...Washington Star Syndicate, Inc...
...FLOAT NORTH AMERICAN ZEPPELIN North American Zeppelin will float you direct to the Paris Negotiations...
...Dragging through the Stupid's tedious pages — spiced only by the neurotic rantings of the Jordan River Forum — will benumb a conscious thinking person as he discovers that Stupid writers pleonastically have nothing to say...
...His education consisted of displaying his ineptness across the pages of student newspapers having umbilical cords plugged into local journalism departments...
...3 Milton Friedman by Rob Warden...
...A sample of his real form, from one of the columns he writes once every three weeks for Newsweek: "If steel can be purchased at a lower price from foreign than from domestic producers, then U.S...
...Paradigmatic Daily Stupid staff members fail as writers, fail as reporters and fail as businessmen...
...They devote their lives to writing columns of verbal laxatives...
...The reasons they have nothing to say, and say it so poorly, illuminate our journalism department's whole problematic landscape...
...Friedman is the champion of the worldwide free market...
...However, should the backward mentalities of the journalism department or any other regnant jurisdiction prove recalcitrant, George Washington Plunkitt has proposed an Alternative design for making press-bombing a Big Ten Sport...
...If you don't like the way Chicago is run, you can move to another city," Friedman said...
...10 "literary laboratory," Indiana University's Daily Stupid (for which Linda Kuntz serves as a kind of dundering eponym) is written by pompous hinds and literary dwarfs...
...it would develop public relations men, administrators, salesmen, and, for its president, ulcers...
...should be sent to The Alternative, No...
...It is best for the nation that some of the men and capital resources devoted to producing steel be devoted to more useful pursuits — perhaps producing some of the products we shall then export in return for the steel we import...
Vol. 1 • May 1968 • No. 6
