Incites
Nathan, George
INCITES In one of George Kennan's eminently lucid studies, he certified the United States of the 'thirties as a satiated power. Ineluctable pessimism over the fate of a satiated power exudes...
...Spiffy Liberals and those of watery blood will whine and coo that Canada is a sovereign nation, or that territorial augmentation might unbalance the power equation between America and Russia...
...The world's most vital juice flows copiously in Canada's western provinces, and if we should acquire them, our contemporary Jim Bridgers, encamped in Fortress Aspen, would at least have the rudiments of civilization, to wit, bourbon and water...
...If Canada belonged to the United States, our citizens would not have to waste their projectiles on half domesticated wildlife but could once again aim their artillery at real savages...
...For in the words of the immortal George Nathan, "The power to tax is the power to homogenize...
...beamed the Communist...
...Long before that, my friend, before Adam and Eve, some architect had to construct order out of that chaos...
...A lawyer, of course," said the first...
...Ah, ha...
...we could merely anchor it in Canadian water near the Arctic Circle, thus we would rid ourselves of a national eyesore and avoid the wrath of international conservationists...
...The architect sneered...
...and what is worse, we enfranchize them...
...Then, too, DeGaulle has devoted so much of his diplomatic adroitness to the demise of Europe, we could offer this piffle to the Soviets in compensation for our accretion...
...that we sever New York City from the east coast, float it out to sea, and scuttle it...
...Of course, there are various other compelling reasons for the conquest of Canada...
...With congeries of courageous modern frontiersmen braving the hazards of Aspen, Vail, and Taos, our Rocky Mountain states are experiencing a terrific growth which threatens their once ample water reserves...
...And what more worthy addition could we make than Canada with its spacious northern reaches — a divinely fabricated Siberia...
...Without an obstetrician how could Cain and Abel have been bom...
...Bombard your soporific saprophytes in Washington with petitions demanding renewed dynamism in American foreign policy, liberate Canada...
...Remembering Barry Goldwater's remarkably cogent suggestion (Needless to say, it failed to appear in his platform...
...Let them immure the ruins of a decadent civilization, we will take Canada...
...R. Dennis Tyrrell GENESIS A lawyer, a doctor, an architect, and an ardent American communist fell to arguing over which profession had been established first in the world...
...And America...
...DEFINITION Height of Confusion: A Guy who shouts, "Thank God I'm an atheist...
...Only State's most witless simpleton fails to notice Canada's diplomatic availability...
...We continue to fill our land with fourth rate inhabitants from European zoos...
...The sporting arms industry has made the disposal of life so convenient, adventurers could bring along their consorts and progeny, making the whole thing a family affair...
...In the ensuing turmoil, I should hope our crafty statesmen would not fail to gobble up all of Canada, if only under the rationale of protecting the Chicago Black Hawks' farm clubs...
...So, it is now manifest, Canada is ripe, its acquisition is desirable, it is even exigent...
...Man never cultural and spiritual asepsis of primitives...
...Surely if a great nation loses its taste for territorial aggrandizement, it will atrophy and expire...
...Nuts," replied the doctor...
...And who created that chaos...
...Ineluctable pessimism over the fate of a satiated power exudes from Kennan's assertion, and he only invigorates this pessimism when he traces our Cold War imbroglio to an earlier state of engorgement...
...It it surprising when one of Liberaldom's most prestigious diplomatic abstractionists becomes uneasy at sensing complacency in the Republic's foreign policy...
...When will the unendurable proximity of these jackals drive America's civilized minority to clamor for territorial accretions...
...Readers of The Alternative unite...
...George Nathan could have survived without a few laws to govern him...
...Canada remains an immense fastness of wilderness, Mexico a vast haven for debilitated savages, and Cuba an idyllic retreat for bearded Ph.D.'s suffering acute political priapism...
...Limits on the northern provinces' utility truly challenge the most fecund imagination, but what of the political feasibility of such an acquisition...
...Canada's cities would make splendid laboratories for the Establishment's urban experimenters...
...Then, too, we have wholly exhausted our supply of red men, leaving us with a few dissipated basket weavers and religious junkies...
...Think of the moral boost it would give our nation to again busy itself with the Perhaps responsible leadership by the executive branch will result in liberation of the American taxpayer from this stifling rate of taxation which gorges the much vaunted "public sector...
...During this century our inimitable republic has hesitated to acquire one acre from the marginal civilizations which we charitably refer to as our neighbors...
...From his tub of political formaldehyde overlooking the Champs Elysees, Charles DeGaulle, has benignly opened a flood of diplomatic opportunities to Washington by suggesting French Canadians dissolve their ties with Ottawa...
...Let us liberate this tantalizing real estate from the foul reactionaries of Ottawa...
Vol. 1 • November 1967 • No. 3
