The Continuing Crisis
•September is no more, nor is the acrimonious question of whether conservatives have a right to participate in public Ufe, for instance in the United States judiciary. Apparently, owing to the...
...Mr...
...and various public-spirited foundations— even these testimonials are barely literate and as unconvincing as his text...
...Seitz, photographer of the stars...
...The Journal of the American Medical Association's annual back-to-school issue reported its disappointing findings that students who exchange bodily fluids with multiple sex partners increase their chances of contracting hepatitis B by over 300 percent...
...Jerry Smith, the Washington Redskins' former tight end, admitted that he too has AIDS, and six days after his parents won a ten-month struggle to have Ryan Thomas admitted to school, the fouryearold AIDS victim was suspended for biting another child during play...
...Rene Richards, the transsexual colossus and tennis freak, was subpoenaed in Manhattan to reply to charges that he once injected Miss Martina Navratilova with sufficient quantities of hormones to transform the lady tennis virtuosa into a "chemical superwoman" capable of causing $2 million of ruin to the person of Mr...
...Brown University is contending with yet more scandal...
...The White House tires you...
...Paris became the scene of repeated bombings, and Mr...
...Miss Geraldine Ferraro's natural son, John Zaccaro, Jr., dropped out of Middlebury College, to devote himself fuU4:ime to mixology and to defending himself against the absurd charge that he trafficked in illicit drugs...
...Pat Robertson edged closer to declaring his presidential candidacy, and in Raleigh, North Carolina, former President Jimmy Carter said that the Rev...
...Marshall for stealing a hearse...
...Enoch Brown III sat on her during a business transaction...
...Walter Cronkite came, too...
...The Reagan Administration acted bizarrely, and Daniloff was released to his wife on September 29...
...In Madisonville, Kentucky, Mr...
...Sidney Blumenthal, will not be widely quoted...
...It is almost unreadable...
...TVvo days later two more degenerates massacred 21 out of 30 worshippers in an Istanbul synagogue...
...On September 23 they whooped it up when their negotiators turned out a sausage entitled "Final Document of the Stockholm Conference of Confidenceand Security-Building Measures and Disarmament in Europe...
...Even his grateful gushes to ma and pa, wife Jackie, sons Max & Paul, sister Marcia, a brother-in-law by the name of Fields, grandma Minnie ("We all miss her and cherish her memory"), colleagues numerous beyond the bounds of the creditable, a literary agent of stupendous gifts, a sorely-pressed copy editor (now with grandma Minnie...
...If all goes well, just hours before the Soviet Union launches World War III, Moscow will by treaty have to notify us...
...RET...
...The suppression of Bishop Tlitu continues...
...on September 7, he was installed as Archbishop of Cape Tbwn in Cape Town...
...The Rev...
...Not even Jimmy Carter made that kind of a gentlemen's agreement...
...That is the opinion of enlightened liberalism as articulated by such moral exemplars as Senator Edward Kennedy and Senator Howard Metzenbaum, the parking lot tycoon...
...In observance of Harvard's 350th anniversary Prince Charles deUvered to an assemblage of Harvard alumni and faculty members an erudite address on his stamp collection, when he will again wear short pants in public, and why all the English girls he knows wear white gloves in mixed company...
...Scott Norman beat a laundromat washing machine senseless to rescue a child who was trapped inside...
...Silvano liaisci, vice president of Italy's National Association for the Protection of Animals, appealed to Pope John Paul II to end his baleful habit of referring to the devil in zoological terms...
...They bungle the arrest of an American journalist in Moscow, they pant for summits and arms control accords with an increasingly belligerent Soviet Union...
...Michael Moore, who had become editor of Mother Jones vowing to inject humor into the left-wing magazine, has been fired after but four laugh-packed months...
...TWo ganefs wearing Ronald Reagan and Jimmy Carter masks knocked off two more Cincinnati-area banks...
...Seitz, the assault took place in 1982, and he has employed Mr...
...The Dow Jones Index dropped by four-and-ahalf percent in early September, and former President Gerald Ford hosted a conference on "Humor and the Presidency...
...The young Shah of Iran shocked Iranian yokels by appearing mysteriously on their TV screens and delivering a brief address critical of the AyatoUah and of the quality of life now being experienced in Iran...
...A feminist porn magazine devoted to the proposition that a girl can have a mind equally as dirty as a man's has appeared on campus...
...and the irrepressible Miss Amy Carter, a Brown coed, has taken to appearing in public with a smutty button on her bodice...
...In TUrin, Italy Mr...
...Robert Chambers, 19, was charged with the murder of Miss Jennifer Dawn Levin, despite the young man's plea that her death was accidental, the result of a sexual accouplement gone haywire...
...As if Planned Parenthood did not already have enough to worry about with the population explosion in the Third World and Miss Madonna advocating adolescent parturition in America, the Mattel toy company has announced plans to market a doll that actually becomes pregnant...
...Throughout the month rumors reverberated through Washington to the effect that the President's men are tuckered out...
...In Manhattan Mr...
...No one ever made Mr...
...Jerry Falwell could "in a very Christian way...
...Marvin Michelson to chauffeur his charges through a court of law...
...Rock Hudson's disease claimed the life of yet another designer of luxury interiors, that being Mr...
...During Justice William Rehnquist's confirmation hearings, these two worthies and their alUes were as noisy as a baby's rattle and no more intelligent, but they did make it clear that they are bigots and no more sympathetic toward the democratic process than a redneck book burner...
...Apparently, owing to the shocking nature of their beliefs, they do not...
...The agelastic heir of a mining fortune who has been bankrolling MJ for years ended the frivolity...
...An animal lover in Nairobi, Kenya, who was being tried for allegedly taking sexual liberties with an unidentified cow, evoked laughter from jurors and magistrates alike when he averred that he "could not seek sexual intercourse with a girl because I was scared of contracting AIDS...
...Justice Rehnquist won confirmation 65 to 33, and the baby rattles cited the closeness of the vote as evidence of his limitations rather than of theirs...
...The problem reached crisis dimensions in August when the Pope began identifying Satan as either a serpent or a dragon, causing Italian pet owners to grow apprehensive about walking their ecotic pets in public •Allah's finest took over a Pan Am jet in Karachi, Pakistan, herded 384 defenseless passengers together, and fired away, killing 15 and wounding 127...
...In Dixmoor, Illinois, a prostitute perished when 374-pound Mr...
...A more exigent conference might have been held on "Exhaustion and the Presidency...
...Robin L. Jacobsen, 45...
...According to Mr...
...That long-awaited tome purporting to explicate the mystery of how Ronald Reagan and his brain trust stole America from its rightful owners was finally published...
...The Rise of the Counter-Establishment: From Conservative Ideology to Political Power, written by the barely civilized Mr...
...Worse, people actually paid him for his excreta...
...Moore clean up after himself...
...In Garden Grove, California, 35-year-old Mr...
...go to hell...
...Nicholas Daniloff, an American journalist, was arrested in Moscow for accepting a controversial package from a shadowy figure in the Lenin HiUs...
...Arthur L. Gardner's plans to exhume his father's body "for the resurrection" were delayed when local authorities jugged Mr...
...Henry Moore died at the venerable age of 88 after leaving thousands of gently marmoreal boluses lying stupidly about public buildings and other open spaces like so many gigantic dog droppings created not by the mind of a superior artist but by the repeated valsalvic maneuvers of a mere quadruped...
...The girl emerged spotless and unharmed...
Vol. 19 • November 1986 • No. 11
