The Continuing Crisis

...On December 21 the Soviet Union launched a second Vega spacecraft scheduled to rendezvous with Halley's comet in March 1986, whereupon the Soviets will investigate whether or not the comet can be put to military use...

...Mengistu's showcase of African Marxist-Leninism...

...Caldicott's anti-defense bawlings that had inspired the city's idiotic supervisors to award her the key in the first place...

...Mengistu Haile Mariam, the gangster now presiding over Ethiopia, journeyed to Moscow toward the end of the month to praise the Soviet system and coax from the Kremlin more aid to complement the tons of useless Russian trucks and tractors already rusting in Ethiopian fields...

...Then Mr...

...It's the first time the key has ever been used politically," Mayor Feinstein repined somewhat stupidly...

...Helen Caldi-cott returned the key to the city in pro- . test of the mayor's efforts to have the USS Missouri stationed there...

...And at Dartmouth, the unspeakable Dartmouth Review is publishing the names of professors who do not wear ties to class and in some cases cannot even tie them without getting their fingers hopelessly strung up around their necks...

...was the scene of over a dozen celebrity protests in December, and in San Francisco, Mayor Dianne Feinstein took umbrage when Dr...

...There in refugee centers organized by Western relief workers tens of thousands of emaciated Ethiopians starve beneath enormous pictures of Drs...

...Konstantin U. Chernenko, the agile Soviet leader, adroitly set aside time for a genial chin wag during which these two Marxist reformers reproached the West for sabotaging Lt...

...Nathan Biggs was booked for shouting "Jump...

...Midway through the month -Senator Edward Kennedy's office announced that the Senator and two of his children intended to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas in Ethiopia and the Sudan, working with relief agencies and hoping that the sight of the Senator's prodigious corpulence will inspire the locals to opt for a "mixed economy" rather than imbecile socialism...

...Marx and Lenin, two of history's most insatiable liars...

...to a college student who was threatening to do just that from a 100-foot ladder on a water tank...

...and in Lincoln, Nebraska, Mr...

...Perhaps it is time for conservatives to attend to the problems of the future and let the pragmatists attend to the present alone...

...In Great Britain, Mr...

...These are grim times for balding Aquarians...

...Fear stalks the University of California campus at Berkeley...

...The Reagan Administration put forward plans to reduce the Congress's deficit, and in France the former emperor of the former Central African Empire, Jean Bedel Bokassa I, saw his monthly bath become but a faraway memory when the Paris waterworks discontinued service to his chateau...

...Consider their economic views...

...Grim famine continues to lay waste to life in Africa, particularly in progressive Ethiopia...

...Huey P. Newton, Ph.D...

...He promised an arms control agreement, and that too is being boomed in Washington...

...In September two of its judges assaulted a Swedish judge at The Hague, and now it is promising to send two more...

...The United States and the Soviet Union agreed to meet in Geneva, Switzerland, to discuss that arms race of theirs, which has been so controversial in some circles...

...Mengistu's arrival caught the Soviets by surprise, but Mr...

...RETo more...

...In Burlington, Vermont, 25-year-old Brian Pearl was slammed into the calaboose for shouting to children at a shopping mall that Santa Claus is a fraud...

...Robert L. Stewart, 39, a shopping mall Santa, was charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor for persuading one of his teenage female elves to pose while he made video nasties of her...

...They really believe in Santa Claus...

...After all, it was Dr...

...Once again Americans celebrated the season of Peace On Earth & Good Toward Men with rancorous protests against Nativity scenes, though there were very few complaints against the appalling presence of Saint Nick, that overweight throwback from bygone days who forces eight tiny reindeer to pull him at breakneck speed over rooftops, and in a contraption bereft of seat belts or air bags or crashproof bumpers or any federally prescribed safety features whatsoever...

...My guess is that they are appeased by the fat one's career...

...There, treacherous student Republicans misrepresented themselves at the beginning of the semester, hornswoggling university administrators into listing them in university directories as the authorized representatives of such respected leftist organizations as the Berkeley Students for Peace, the Progressive Student Alliance, and the People's Park Council...

...How much psychological damage has been done can only be estimated, but university administrators are trying to undo the mischief and bring the Republican rogues to justice...

...In Campbell, California, 26-year-old Mr...

...Why is it that this absurd fellow raises so few objections from progressive rigorists, though they go into fits over a stable scene featuring rustic shepherds, Third World potentates, and a new-born babe who is half-Jewish...

...Unfortunately, modern-day Republican youths are devilishly clever and work with the full support of the Pentagon, the FBI, and the CIA, as will doubtless someday be revealed in the Nation magazine...

...Investigators in Geronimo, Oklahoma, are attempting to verify whether a massacre during a local bank robbery that left four dead and three wounded may have been prompted by one of the victims' callous quips about the alleged robbers' homosexual lifestyle...

...Chernenko promised still more Soviet largess, perhaps a few million tons of Soviet cement or fish netting knitted by the reliable fingers of inmates now lodged in growing multitudes in the Soviet Union's gruesome Gulag...

...If so, the survivors could be in deep trouble with Geron-imo's Human Rights Commission...

...At the University of California at San Diego, the right-wing California Review is even manipulating a Federal District Court by claiming that its editors are as entitled to university offices as the more idealistic anti-American publications...

...He promised to clean the conservatives out of the State Department, and Secretary of State George Shultz is doing just that...

...RETT...

...Baker was fined $283 by some lop-eared judge for spraying fox hunt protestors with nearly fifty gallons of liquid feces from the "muck spreader" of his trusty tractor...

...The erstwhile Third World magnifico, who had not paid his bill since December 4, 1983, issued an appeal from his empty bathtub "to the entire world and particularly to the government of Mitterrand," vowing to put on a terry cloth robe and demonstrate in front of the Elysee Palace because "I cannot let my family die...

...Santa Claus did attract controversy on at least two occasions...

...George Baker, a 48-year-old farmer from Somerset, has sufficiently captured the esteem of all good Thatcherites to put himself in line for knighthood...

...He promised an end to the so-called Reagan Revolution, and there are no signs that it is continuing...

...Throughout the semester prospective members of these wholesome groups have been duped into directing their inquiries to the frightening Nixonites only to be told that the aforementioned groups now subscribe to Republican political principles, Newtonian physics, and heterosexuality...

...The South African Embassy in Washington, D.C...

...Finally, evidence accumulates that the Iranian government is attempting to ingratiate itself with the nations of the civilized world...

...shed light on why we have been hearing so little about his good deeds in recent years when the ex-Black Panther and Supreme Servant of the People notified the San Francisco Examiner that throughout 1982 and 1983 he was holed up in his spacious Oakland Hills house imbibing two quarts of Courvoisier daily and indulging a ravenous appetite for cocaine, heroin, Valium, and Kool cigarettes...