The Continuing Crisis
∢April, and the conventional wisdom counseling that poverty causes crime suffered a stupendous pop to the chops when the FBI reported that in 1982, the worst year of the recession, crime declined...
...So why the gloom in the media...
...Whether it is a tale of poverty or man's inhumanity it is too early to say, but Mr...
...Maguire is heir to the Thompson submachine gun fortune...
...They cry out for Jockey briefs, color be damned...
...Chester Williams, accused of parking in an area reserved for the handicapped, was led into court in chains...
...And the enemies of the handicapped continue to thwart our enlightened law, but it will avail them naught...
...Who can say, all that is certain is that very few are giving the present President accolades for what Glad Tidings there are...
...With a few thousand more soup kitchens penitentiaries will be closed down forever...
...April, and the conventional wisdom counseling that poverty causes crime suffered a stupendous pop to the chops when the FBI reported that in 1982, the worst year of the recession, crime declined by four percent∔the steepest decline in five years...
...Three months after subscribing to The American Spectator Miss Gloria Swanson, actress and entrepreneur, passed away...
...And in Oakland, California a lesbian, Miss Linda J. Loftin, is suing her former lover, Miss Mary Flournoy, for visitation rights to see Miss Flournoy's child, Mary, who was conceived after Miss Loftin artificially inseminated Miss Flournoy with a turkey baster...
...In sports, a 25-year-old Marine choked to death during the speed-eating matches in North Carolina's Newport Pig Cooking Contest...
...but now it is reported that Mr...
...She had been in perfect health...
...We have a very strange one from New Orleans...
...Nicaragua's Sandinist government grew increasingly disturbed during the month over political reform movements operating in its rural regions...
...after all is not espionage another of those victimless crimes that progressives have analyzed so deftly...
...Ho, ho, ho, what does that tell the social scientists...
...I use the mail...
...In Baltimore, Maryland, eloquent evidence of the burdens brought down on government workers during the Reagan cuts was provided when two postal workers were convicted of having eaten the mail...
...In Waukesha, Wisconsin, Mr...
...His landlord has vanished and is being sought amongst over fifty pounds of flesh that police found in Mr...
...Apparently the bureaucrats are unimaginative, however, for these calls were not actually obscene calls to others but to an obscene answering service run by a New York City magazine...
...They ate the mail," the Washington Post quotes prosecutor Glenda G. Gordon as saying, "This is not funny...
...George Hall, director of the state's Department of Telecommunications, who claims the calls cost the state $1,000 in March...
...On the other hand, the homosexual boyfriend of murdered San Francisco Supervisor, Harvey Milk, came up with nothing from his bid for a $50,000 workers compensation death benefit owing to Harvey's untimely dispatch...
...The country is up and moving again...
...The Alameda County district attorney's office sought and got a court order forcing Miss Loftin to pay child support...
...We shall all miss Miss Swanson, but possibly you have an obnoxious neighbor, a prof whose patter spoils your matutinal shuteye, a local TV sage prolix with New Age poppycock∔buying the pest a gift subscription might be an effective antidote...
...They separated...
...In Phoenix, Arizona a junior high school teacher was suspended for one year for "gross insensitivity" in his "human sexuality" lecture...
...And at Montana State University students froze a kitten in a block of ice and floated it in a bowl of punch at a Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity party...
...The fiend is 80, and still insensitive to our handicapped citizens...
...Wiley Brooks, 47, whose Breatharian Institute of Marin County, California teaches that "all food is poison," was allegedly spotted ordering a chicken-pot pie in a Vancouver hotel and carrying out an opsomaniacal expedition in 7-Eleven stores and fast food joints...
...Paupers will be awarded good citizenship awards, and Ronald Reagan will confer the Medal of Freedom on John Kenneth Galbraith and on John Maynard Keynes posthumously, two men who did their utmost to bring poverty to us all with its concomitant law-abidingness...
...Allegedly he asked school boys to bring sperm samples to school...
...Though millions of Americans purr with pastel delusions of Mohandas K. Gandhi (1869-1948), those who actually live in the scrawny crank's homeland struggle to throw off the painful afterclap of his quackery...
...On April 4, the new space shuttle Challenger personed by four astronauts began what was to be a very successful five-day orbit of earth, during which was perpetrated the first space walk by Americans in nearly a decade...
...In Washington, the mood is not sanguine...
...The President's National Com-misssion on Education issued some very rude findings on American schools...
...Miss Jane Fonda was sued for practicing sex discrimination at one of her fat-removal sweat shops, and shrieks of vituperation are issuing from the Legal Defense and Education Fund of the National Organization for Women over attempts by the United Automobile Workers to organize staff members...
...And Miss Flournoy applied for welfare to maintain Mary and two children by an early marriage in the manner to which they had become accustomed...
...Harold Washington copped 97 percent of the black vote to hold off the white race's Mr...
...Too little too late: why not hand it over to a local Chinese restaurant where it could be put to nutritional purposes...
...In Albiifeira, Portugal an unidentified gunman murdered Dr...
...Russell Maguire was found not guilty by reason of insanity of molesting an eight-year-old girl...
...Paul Young, a disc jockey at WVBK in Herndon, Virginia, successfully protested his meager salary by locking himself in his control booth and repeatedly playing the record "Take This Job And Shove It" for fourteen hours until his boss relented...
...Now Miss Loftin wants visitation privileges...
...John Clarke's sexual assault has been laid to a plethora of doughnuts that induced in him diabolical blood-sugar fluctuation, and he is now scot-free...
...Bernard Epton who had 81 percent of the white electorate...
...On April 18, a bomb demolished much of the American embassy in Beirut, Lebanon, killing at least 33 people and wounding more than 80...
...What makes the story all the stranger is that police had turned over the meat to the Louisiana Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals after Mr...
...And if the gift does the trick our business office may even offer to purchase flowers in your name at the sepulchering...
...Crowley's arrest...
...In Tucson, Arizona Mr...
...Then they discovered that each was in love with a creep...
...Crowley may have been driven by cannibalism, too...
...Issam Sartawi, a Palestinian advocate of diplomatic recognition of Israel...
...Senators John Glenn and Ernest Hollings announced their candidacy for the presidency, and France expelled 47 Soviets after accusing them of espionage...
...Interest rates are down to 10.5 percent, inflation is at 3.5 percent, non-farm productivity soared in 1983's first quarter at 4.8 percent, the stock market ended April 57.83 percent above its 1982 low, and factory orders for March were up 3.2 percent...
...Crowley's freezer...
...The imbroglio is strictly New Age progressive, the two having made a gaudy media splash back in 1977 when, thwarted in their attempt to marry, they publicly exchanged vows to cherish and honor each other...
...In Virginia, state employees made some 2,500 lewd telephone calls, according to Mr...
...All he is credited with is 10.1 percent unemployment and a growing deficit...
...In Sacramento, California a high school coach, his wife (a school administrator), and a female teacher's aide pleaded no contest to charges of operating a sadomasochists' bordello...
...RET...
...Police speculate he was driven by "desperation and hunger...
...Rat-a-tat-tat...
...and in New Delhi more than 1,000 male government employees demonstrated in their underwear to protest the shoddy quality of homespun uniforms the government makes them wear in deference to the Gandhi canon...
...Is it sun spots, the approach of the year 2000, that sinking feeling that Republican prosperity complete with Coolidges and Hoovers may replace the suavities and high purpose of LBJ and the heroic Wonderboy of Plains, Georgia, men who suffered gallbladder operations and hemorrhoids for us little people...
...Lawrence John Crowley, 25, is in the hoosegow for allegedly stealing and eating neighborhood dogs...
...In the April 13 Chicago mayoral race the Hon...
...and though "world opinion" bleats for negotiations between the government and the insurgents in El Salvador no one other than the editors of the Wall Street Journal and their agents have advocated this poultice for Nicaragua...
...Finally Mr...
...On April 21 our Federal Bureau of Investigation announced the expulsion of three Soviets for similar misdeeds, and connoisseurs are waiting for the American Civil Liberties Union to step in...
Vol. 16 • June 1983 • No. 6
