The Continuing Crisis
.............................................................................................................................................................. T H E C O N T I N U I N G C R I S I...
...On February 2, Pope John Paul II bestowed the scarlet skullcap and biretta on 18 new cardinals, and in Tepic, Mexico a small-time god, Mr...
...and peace where there is no peace (El Salvador...
...T H E C O N T I N U I N G C R I S I S...
...Though the economy seems to be resurrecting, times remain tough...
...The case could confer legal recognition on homosexual households, many of which contain pretty little things whose whole days are devoted to scrub, scrub, scrub...
...In consumer news the amorous Mr...
...Eagle is the Indian activist who in 1973 declared Italy a Native American possession after planting a spear in the ground at the Rome airport...
...Nationally, feminists suffered goodly embarrassment when it was revealed that the chief shishka in the California chapter of the National Organization of Women, Mrs...
...Looking abroad they talked of war where there is no war (nuclear holocaust...
...Another of the enemies of Richard Nixon was mysteriously struck down when Mr...
...Homosexuals in San Francisco were clicking their heels when Mr...
...and the boa constrictor...
...industrial production was up...
...housing starts were up...
...Work was halted in Cleveland, Ohio on the horror film Dark Reunion, when an actor rummaging through the former mortuary that is the movie's setting discovered the carcass of an unidentified lady in her sixties who had been dead for anywhere between "seven months to seven years," according to the Cuyahoga County coroner's office...
...Gorsuch, who has been asked to step down by her Democratic critics, appeared at her office on February 21 with a new name after a hurried trip to the altar with Robert Burford-a true marriage of convenience that...
...Were things improving...
...As the economy began to stir and to breathe they talked of jobs programs, elimination of the President's third-year tax cut, and the slaying of tax indexing...
...All are promising colossal amounts of virtue and best of all new ideas, for instance: more education, high technology, more taxes, much more taxes...
...But the new Mrs...
...I couldn't think of anything more downright unhealthy," was a top Transit Authority's rebuke...
...By month's end Reubin Askew, Alan Cranston, Gary Hart, and Walter Mondale had announced...
...Then too-mid their reports of unspeakable capitalist skullduggery and ecological suicide-the savants had prophesied continued economic drear redolent of a new Dark Age...
...When will the feminists give these hard-pressed queens a helping hand...
...Actually it was the mildest, with the February arrival of crocuses and daffodils signaling its premature death...
...Betty Mentry, is suing a counseling center for one million dollars because it allegedly advised her to discipline her nine-year-old son by sitting on him...
...The thought was unutterable...
...Unfortunately the dream comes equipped with fine wines in excellent restaurants, credit cards, corporate limousines, pleasant conversation, cocktail parties galore, distinguished awards prestigious appointments, and hundreds of other amenities, all guaranteed to insulate them from the normal lives of those whom they would liberate, enlighten, and enrich...
...Donald Allen has abandoned plans to appeal the order of a demented superior court justice to install shower curtains and toilet stall doors in the cells at the Maine State Prison, despite Commissioner Allen's pleas that doing so will create security risks and fire hazards...
...To the Democratic opposition and all the assorted cranks and idiots on its left the thought was not only unutterable but also a vision of hell...
...the government reported that January's revised consumer price index rose at an annual rate of only 2.1 percent, meaning no rise at all in the old CPI...
...Unfortunately the 200-pound beauty did, for two hours, and she now is accused of having murdered the young man...
...but these are very hard times and kids get hungry...
...Burford did not even fool Senator Kennedy, and by the end of the month still more progressive Democrats were hollering for her resignation and hugely indignant over the cheap subterfuge...
...Apparently Environmental Protection Agency head Anne Gorsuch's sleazy artifice has failed...
...Why should they ever sober up...
...Finally in the month of Presidents four Democrats came forward announcing their intention to sleep where our Ron sleeps come 1985...
...There was evidence that the Cracker Jack company is moving into the adult opsomania market when boxes of the stuff began turning up containing sex manuals as prizes...
...Authorities have tried everything including sprinkling the slots with chili powder but to no avail...
...Yet Maine's hags may remain unmollified, for implicit in the judge's decisions is the notion that women guards are not the equal of men in viewing showering and evacuating male prisoners with equanimity...
...and the kitty's needs...
...new unemployment claims were down...
...In Columbus, Ohio, probate court Judge Richard Metcalf has ruled that if a father undergoes a sex change his children are entitled to a death certificate listing him as kaput, and in New York City Tennessee Williams was finally awarded his death certificate after years of fruitless effort...
...Flourishing the ethical wisdom characteristic of the age, she summed up her case declaring: "You don't have to kill somebody because he's a son of a bitch...
...Fortunate Eagle's trial for selling precious feathers in contravention of the Migratory Bird Act has ended with a hung jury...
...Edmund S. Muskie and millions of even duller potatoes, comes word that Department of Corrections Commissioner Mr...
...Thus they went about discovering dark infamies at home and heinous plots abroad...
...A San Jose woman, Mrs...
...In Washington as they murmer about "the Reagan cuts" administration intransigence," "the looming deficit" and so forth they are living in a dream, a huge inviolable fantasy...
...The savants were left maundering...
...From the great state of Maine, home of the Hon...
...In New York City it was reported that young boys are now sucking subway tokens from turnstile slots before subway customers can pass through...
...In Reno, Nevada Mr...
...Ginny Foat, was indicted in January for the 1965 tireiron murder of an Argentine businessman, was probably turned in by a NOW snitch rather than by agents of the male chauvinist conspiracy...
...Alas, by the end of the month the stock market was up 360 points from last August...
...Altogether the savants and Democratic pols dream idiot dreams of brave new worlds and sweat and quaver over bugaboos remote from human experience and unimaginable to normal minds...
...Bautista de la Cruz, was bumped off by members of the local constabulary investigating claims that the controversial deity had incorporated human sacrifice into his religious observances...
...Clark, who had been convicted of murdering whores picked up along Sunset Boulevard and violating their corpses, apparently had many exceedingly boring dates in his formative years and according to his very capable defense lawyer, Miss Penny White, was "uniquely mentally ill...
...Frank Wills, the night watchman who discovered the Watergate break-in, was convicted of shoplifting a $12pair of tennis shoes in Augusta, Georgia...
...Giovani Vigliotto, who claims to have married 105 women over the past 33 years, was convicted of fraud and bigamy, owing to his November 16, 1981 marriage to Patricia Ann Gardiner...
...RET ITHE AMERICAN SPECTATOR APRIL 1983 7...
...February, and things just are not working out right...
...The media savants -mid their reports of horrifying new diseases and unearthly calamitieshad warned us to expect the most arctic winter in many a moon...
...As is increasingly the custom in the American judicial process, the buffoon's order stems from an earlier specimen of absurdity, his order to grant women equal employment at the all-male prison...
...Douglas Clark, a former boiler tender, sentenced to the gas chamber for six acts of what euphemists of the age may soon call "love murder...
...Scott Smith, the inamorato of the homosexual martyr, Harvey Milk, began legal proceedings to wrest a portion of the deceased city supervisor's $50,000 worker's compensation death benefit...
...Readers who may have noticed an empty bed around the house are asked to get in touch with the coroner as quickly as possible...
...and the canary...
...Life is even gloomier for the Republic's necrophiliacs who on February 15 saw one of their own, Mr...
Vol. 16 • April 1983 • No. 4
