The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS January, and neither the President's State of the Union Message nor his budget went over very well, the Liberals finding both too parsimonious, the conservatives finding them...
...In Yonkers, New York, Mr...
...The fabled tax cuts have yet to affect us significantly...
...in view of Americans' historic restless-ness, transsexuality could prove to be a boon for kinky surgeons...
...Nikolai V. Pod-gorny, former president of the USSR, and Mr...
...Hormone treatment has coaxed from her a pert little bustline...
...I'm so happy," enthused Mrs...
...The bottom line," she reported to the San-Francisco Chronicle, "is that Anna Marie is now the daughter I always wanted, the focal point in my life...
...RET...
...Judge Judge's courtroom was a scene of jubilation: "I'm a mother...
...The Republic is at peace...
...I'm looking forward to sitting in a church pew someday and watching her walk down the aisle...
...They bring a special quality to the job," Sergeant Wein-sheimer opined, a quality that used to be malum vrohibitum...
...In Madison, Wisconsin, the Know-Nothing citizenry is in rebellion over the decision by the city's Welfare Appeals Committee to pay for the $25,000 sex-change operation of an unidentified 33-year-old man who insists that unless the operation is paid for he will commit suicide, and in Miami mossbacks are incensed that transsexuals in an adult-educa-tion class are using the female comfort station in a local grammar school—what about their God-given right to void...
...Historians may someday mark the first month of 1983 as the starting point for the rise of yet another group of aggrieved Americans, to wit: the transsexuals...
...At this point Miss Mostyn's foster mother is sanguine...
...In Boston, a tough law-and-order meter maid showed how effective government can be when she ticketed a parked car in which a corpse slumped rather obdurately against the steering wheel...
...Edward Tondrik, who had been attracting curiosity for months by his enormous purchases of room deodorizer, was arrested when police found the mummified remains of his 86-year-old mother lying peacefully on her bed where she had expired over ten months ago...
...Dubbed by less enlightened colleagues as "the fruit-cakes," Bobby and Bonnie specialize in domestic feuds...
...The case looms as one of the momentous Constitutional battles of the century, especially if it comes to the attention of an enlightened jurist such as the Hon...
...Meyer Lansky, a financial consultant for the Cosa Nostra, both died of natural causes...
...What came as reassuring news to many in South Carolina has caused widespread indignation amongst feminists...
...Clark...
...But the Reagan madness is still upon us...
...The pundits who have created the concern over a bellicose, niggardly, radical Reagan Administration are ideologues whose brains have been fully stocked, shelf after shelf, cranny, and nook, by the Zeitgeist-they are panicked by illusions...
...Moreover, the news stories issuing from our nation's capital became ever more difficult to square with observable reality...
...Transsexuals were active in court, too...
...It's the happiest day of my life...
...Ayatollah Rhuollah Khomeini has been jugged in Dusseldorf, West Germany on charges of merchanting raw opium, a longtime staple of vibrant Moslem culture still some-what frowned upon in the decadent West...
...and she languishes in the California Medical Facility in Vaca-ville, held by confused officials who know not where to place her...
...A touching story, that, and who doubts that there now stand over a thousand head of holy clerics eager to preside over such a marriage ceremony...
...J. Skelly Wright...
...And a relative of the Rev...
...The frequency of their appearances in the news this month suggests that increasing numbers of Americans are coming out of the closet and onto the butcher block...
...Reagan the warmonger...
...RETt West...
...Police Department's only avowed homosexual...
...Actually, our federal government is now spending billions more than were targeted for it by the Reagan Administration...
...Miss Mostyn's indefatigable lawyer, Miss Amanda Skolan, has filed a $3.25 million lawsuit against the U.S...
...and though some of their colleagues snicker and even gag, they have gained laudations from their supervisor...
...Normalcy in her life, that's all I want for her...
...Paul Bryant, the football coach of the University of Alabama, suffered a fatal heart attack, and Senate Ma-jority Leader Howard Baker, the Hamster of the Senate, announced retirement plans that were characteristically vague and absurd...
...Reagan the miser...
...On January 5, President Reagan announced he was nominating Elizabeth H. Dole to be Secretary of Transportation, and seven days later he announced the nomination of Margaret Heckler as Secretary of Health and Human Services...
...Reagan the radical tax cutter...
...In New York, Nassau County police officer Jennifer McCormick, assigned to a desk job since her sex change, has announced her intention to resume patrol duty, and the Washington Post reports that police officer Bonnie Davenport, formerly a male patrolman, has been assigned to a midnight patrol with officer Bobby Almstead, the Washington, D.C...
...On January 12 Orange County Superior Court Judge James F. Judge presided over the adoption proceedings wherein 45-year-old Joanna Clark, who underwent a sex change in 1975, adopted as her daughter Anna Marie Mostyn, 25...
...Three West German doctors were convicted of removing heart pace-makers from the dead and re-using them...
...Larry Walters, the 33-year-old aeronautical genius who re-designed a $100 Sears aluminum lawn chair so that it would fly at altitudes of 15,000 feet, has been fined $4,000 by the FAA for operating an aircraft for which there is no "airworthiness certificate" and various other infractions...
...Bureau of Prisons, alleging that to send such a comely prisoner to a male hoosegow would condemn her to ravishment and a life of moral com-promise...
...Editors at the Progressive were relieved to hear that the Stanford University English Department's, award for execrable prose will be based only on the worst opening sentence of a novel...
...But hold...
...THE CONTINUING CRISIS January, and neither the President's State of the Union Message nor his budget went over very well, the Liberals finding both too parsimonious, the conservatives finding them too spendthrift and timorous...
...Miss Mostyn is serving a fifteen-year prison sentence for knocking off a bank...
...Apparently those talking dolls that appeared in South Carolina stores at Christmastime with the recorded message "Kill Mommy" were actually meant for Florida's Hispanic market and their message was "Quiero Mommy," meaning "I want mommy"—not exactly a gender-neutral message, eh...
...At this rate, women will hold every Cabinet post in the federal government by March 30, yet feminists remain unappeased...
...Miss Mostyn's anatomical redecorat-ing has at this point been modest...
...Obstacles remain...
...however, she has as yet been unable to undergo the requisite surgery to turn her into a Venus, and thus she is one of the few United States citizens whose anatomy actually conforms to the gender guidelines of our federal government...
...Sergeant Frank Weinsheimer, who apprised the Post that his nocturnal sleuths run a neat little patrol car and are "more patient, more understanding, more thorough" than the beefy, macho types...
...Walters's lawn chair was assisted in its epic flight by 45 helium balloons, and it is not beyond the realm of possibility that the whole thing was funded by the Synthetic Fuels Corporation...
Vol. 16 • March 1983 • No. 3
