The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS •October passes as do over two hundred American Marines in their sleep in Lebanon. Up to the hour of the slaughter on the morning of October 23 Marines had been dying...
...No wonder the history of civilization has for the most part been a heroic tale of mankind's unflagging efforts to get out from under the environment...
...RET...
...Their intellects have awesome capacities...
...Miss Hammil, a lawyer, had refused to follow accepted procedure of submitting a written request in advance, saying: "When you go to visit your grandmother's grave, do you have to do that...
...Behold the idiocy...
...John McDannell was sentenced to one year of court supervision and fined $90 for what a prosecutor termed a case of "brutal parakeetcide...
...Kenk has reported that this remarkable creature is extinct, and no one seems to know where Holsinger is either...
...Halfway through the battle they fell into a white-hot snit over being denied advance notice from the Reagan Administration about the secret military exercise, presumably so they could get rooms booked at a decent hotel...
...Roman Kenk, a selfless Smithsonian research associate, divulged his charnel report on the whereabouts of Hol-singer's planarian, that half-inch freshwater flatworm whose primitive brain and "surprising sexual sophistication" have profoundly ingratiated him to bleeding-heart environmentalists...
...Contrary to the feminists' hoots there is no hypocrisy here whatsoever...
...area...
...no sooner had she spoken than American military forces landed in Grenada...
...Thomas Eddy Mc-Murray smuggled them enough cocaine to stay "high for a month" by concealing the stuff in his wooden leg...
...Inmates at the Federal Correctional Institute in Miami, Florida eagerly enrolled in the handicapped rights movement when fellow inmate Mr...
...Ohio feminists revealed surprising ignorance of the sexual mores of politicians when they derided the woebegone Mr...
...During a dispute with Miss Janice Huffines, his girlfriend, the Midwest strongman removed her parakeet from its cage and, according to an admiring Miss Huffines, "tore its head off...
...Where was he last month when Mr...
...Thomas Bay, Springfield, Ohio's city manager who in 1982 suspended a policewoman for posing au naturel in a men's magazine and who now has resigned his position after having been nabbed by Dayton police for soliciting the professional services of a lady of the night...
...Actually, environmentalism is but another anti-capitalist tool used by New Age messiahs like the lugubrious Mr...
...Ohio pols have been consummating this particular business transaction fully clothed for years...
...And Miss Jan Hammil, director -of American Indians Against Desecration, declared Thanksgiving Day a day of national fasting and mourning after she arrived at Indiana University's Glenn A. Black Laboratory of Archaeology to hold an unapproved "spiritual ceremony" and was denied access to the requisite bones...
...No trace of Miss Hammil's grandmother has as yet been found in the besieged facility...
...Then they wailed about being excluded from the battle, suggesting that the next time we commence hostilities we begin with a parachute drop of noisy American journalists behind enemy lines, and a host of Democratic solons might be heaved over too...
...The dratted environment has been uninhabitable: arid, then drenched, then dreary...
...James Watt was named environmental editor of The American Spectator so that we might better understand environmental concerns, and a drunk and disorderly editorial staff sought Christmas book recommendations from many notables without asking the editor his...
...On October 29 a huge flock of Greenham Common shrews showed up armed with wire cutters to gain admittance to that unhappy military base, and authorities at London's Heathrow Airport suspected an Italian grandmother en route to New York from Rome of terrorism when they discovered an Italian sausage hidden on her person...
...Another generous bequest from Miss Ono, and St...
...In Markham, Illinois, Mr...
...Absolutely nothing, and do you know why...
...Let them bawl about it now...
...Not one female soldier was in Lebanon on the morning of that cowardly attack...
...They have been bawling for more American women in combat positions...
...Lucia or Dominica might go...
...Up to the hour of the slaughter on the morning of October 23 Marines had been dying regularly in Lebanon, but no tributes were paid them in the Republic's grand corridors of public commentary...
...The lady is obviously a Typhoid Mary...
...Ralph Nader, that human handkerchief who for some two decades has been collecting bacilli and bacteria, viruses and other human miseries, and attributing all of them to the capitalist ambience in which he has flourished...
...Truth be known these last few months have revealed the environmentalists for the cranks that most of them are...
...When will the feminists complain about that...
...Perhaps the savants of the American media will note the connection in time...
...Their response to the liberation of Grenada was indistinguishable from that of Professor Barry Commoner's Citizens' Party...
...The incomparable Yoko Ono donated a substantial quantity of land, trinkets, and Lennon art to the Spirit Foundation, after expressing the cryptic gibber that "all governments . . . give back to people, including the soldiers, the right to die a natural death and to work toward a world in which courage and wisdom are used to survive together...
...No matter what the stalwarts of American Indians Against Desecration might think of it Injun Summer settled on the land, and Americans were seduced away from the dry and balmy comforts of their air-conditioned domiciles for the first time since late July...
...It now has been reported that Holsinger's planarian was annihilated by the construction of a parking lot, not a parking lot for a hellish shopping mall or worse still an industrial plant but a parking lot for a federally assisted housing project in the Washington, D.C...
...Now Mr...
...It is a thing Miss Ono ought to think about the next time she opens her big mouth...
...Actually, it is unfortunate that the feminists did not pop up in the middle of World War II with their fanciful claims about male and female sameness and demand combat roles for women at Guadalcanal and the Ardennes...
...Bobby Goldsboro, singer of "Watching Scotty Grow" and "The Straight Life," was denied custody of his youngest daughter after the Tennessee Court of Appeals entertained evidence that the singer is an ardent collector of pornographic pictures featuring young girls...
...Ritualistic Liberals will find it unreadable...
...Whoever swallowed the environmentalists' exuberant bosh in the first place...
...Lech Walesa was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize...
...President Reagan gave his permission for a re-election committee to be established...
...Neil Kinnock became the second mental defective in a row to head Britain's Labour Party, and Terrence Cardinal Cooke expired as did Jimmy Carter's Mother...
...What has Ralph had to say about it...
...In England there was evidence a-plenty of pacifism's recrudescence...
...There will be no heat in their offices this winter, and I shall make a recommendation anyway: Paul Johnson's Modern Times, a very important history of the past six decades that comprehends all the folly and chronicles it in judicious detail...
...Thatcher responded to our liberation of Grenada with the sounds of a somewhat hypersensitive Neville Chamberlain...
...Beat that...
...and how could it be otherwise, so deafening is our public discourse with sentimental dithyrambs about the women's plight, the new man's anxieties, and the perfidies committed against blacks, homosexuals, Hispanics, fat people, herpes victims, AIDs victims, Agent Orange victims, toxic shock victims, dioxin victims, and all the other heroes of New Age America...
...That would have ended their absurd agitations in a hail of condign jeers, and today there might be a few more pundits capable of appreciating the Marines' sacrifices without bringing in Freudian or existential or wimp blather...
Vol. 16 • December 1983 • No. 12
