The Continuing Crisis
T H E C O N T I N U I N G C R I S I S _9 On the last weekend of March El Salvador's ragamuffin electorate braved small-arms fire from the Marxist-Leninist boy scouts in the hills and the...
...9 Economic news was mixed...
...There had been growing confidence among progressives that the proscription of acts committed between consenting adults might finally be overthrown, but the Greenlee decision is a definite setback and source of sadness to necrophillacs who have long held that their quiet pleasures represent a perfectly normal sexual preference, much like homosexuality...
...He was also charged with battery for fondling their breasts under the pretense that the foul deed was necessary to establish their qualifications as federally certified burpers-of-senior-citizens...
...And there is still more evidence that life in the boondocks travels at a hectic, dog-eat-dog pace...
...In Valdese, North Carolina, a 63-year-old man was shot to death by another motorist for driving too slowly...
...9 On March 30, America's third and longest space shuttle ended successfully...
...Unfortunately, now that court proceedings reveal that Miss Greenlee had made sexual liaison with as many as forty other corpses whilst employed by the Sacramento Memorial Lawn mortuary, it will be very difficult for progressives to argue that promiscuity is unnatural to necrophiliacs or that they are capable of warm, lasting relationships...
...And in New City, New York, that miscreant whose custom it" has been to appear near school bus stops wearing only a T-shirt and a gigantic diaper, has been located, though police refuse to divulge his name or to arrest him, there being no statute prohibiting such attire...
...Otherwise the turnouts were generally meager, even in such bedlamite strongholds as New York City, where only one of eight runners scheduled to participate in a "Run for Peace" rate showe-d up...
...On April 6 former Supreme Court Justice Abe Fortas passed on to glory, and Mr...
...The University of Pittsburgh is investigating reports that Pitt students on the'local Rugby Club rolled seven human skulls onto a rugby field to intimidate opponents...
...Jones called the Secretary of State "a monster in human flesh and a demon-possessed instrument to destroy America...
...Apparently the pioneering environmentalist, who began his collection over 40 years ago when God instructed him to collect two of every species in preparation for the world's end, had kept his collection an occalt matter...
...Michael Whalen, 31, was charged with recruiting women for a fictitious federal program, supposedly designed to teach the elderly to burp properly...
...T H E C O N T I N U I N G C R I S I S _9 On the last weekend of March El Salvador's ragamuffin electorate braved small-arms fire from the Marxist-Leninist boy scouts in the hills and the probing cameras of their friends from network news to mob polling places...
...According to the" Justice Department, the number of Americans residing in state and federal prisons grew by a record 12.1 percent last year...
...Roeleveld came to believe that many more Europeans shared his views...
...El Salvador slumbered...
...Finally, despite the Reagan budget cuts some government subsidized housing is showing a rise in occupancy...
...In Greenville, South Carolina, the distinguished chancellor of Bob Jones University, Bob Jones, Jr., has urged students to send up their youthful orisons that the Lord will "smite" Secretary of State Alexander M. Haig, Jr...
...Jos~ Duarre but for the Far Right...
...stood in the drizzle on April 13 and solemnly dedicated Andre's annual swim to world peace...
...In Chicago a federal judge declared that the Civil Rights Act, which insulates women and minorities from discrimination, must also apply to transsexuals...
...In recent months, however, as word of Europe's rising antinuclear movement spread, Mr...
...9 Ground Zero itself proved to be somewhat of a bust, notwithstanding the enormous ballyhoohoo trumpeting its many goofbali activities all across the country...
...9 A vinyl-wrapped urn containing the ashes of Mr...
...Kaufman had thought was a joke...
...Secretary of State Haig did all he could to assuage the fears of ornithologists, but by the end of the month his negotiations seemed moribund, and a highly competent British armada began retaking the area, dealing a serious blow to fascism's last best hope...
...John Roeleveld, 72, was taken in for questioning when police found 250,000 stuffed animals and birds crammed into his backyard bomb shelter...
...Goodridge's dope allies put it, "The swim reflects Harry's concern that even if a nuclear weapon exploded in the ocean . . . it would be all over for Andr~ and other ocean l i f e . " "Nuclear war kills animals too," was her final yawp...
...Throughout April the new party line on El Salvador remained amorphous...
...Some of the family can see some humor in it...
...Conservatives can be generous too...
...9 The annual Falkland Islands penguin watch was threatened when several thousand Argentine troops invaded the islands and declared them Argentine property...
...Andre's owner and best friend, Mr...
...It was not a propitious day for the Forces of idealism and the Red Star...
...The Labor Department announced that unemployment in March had risen to 9 percent, and the Federal Reserve Board reported that the nation's industrial output fell eight-tenths of one percent...
...RET ' f i f e AMERICAN SPECTATOR JUNE 1982 7...
...William Gramley scheduled a "Run for Your Life" race, in Albuquerque, New Mexico there were "puppets for peace" shows, and in Nashville, Tennessee a Vanderbilt University law student fell through a bus window after attempting to press his naked arse against it...
...Pietre Fredrick Major was found in Indianapolis, Indiana's White River...
...The case was also very damaging to proponents of Ground Zero Week whose whole point was to establish the horror of death...
...Harry Goodridge...
...Now as Miss Greenlee's testimony makes clear, death can actually present genuine opportunities for happiness and for sexual fulfillment...
...Out in the sylvan haunts where the revolutionaries have had the largest opportunities to perform their many good deeds, voters in droves cast their votes not for the moderates of Mr...
...Steve Allen has published Beloved Son, the story of his personal migration from anger to pride and gratitude over his son's joining the Seattle, Washington cult, Love Family...
...By way of elaboration the Rev...
...No, the peasants were yahoos...
...The court decision itself is a chilling one, vexing to advocates of sexual freedom, to feminists, and to those of us who have long championed an end to the senseless prosecution of victireless crime...
...Andy Kaufman, the comedian, was slammed headfirst against'a wrestling mat during a match Mr...
...They say the old man had a sense of humor . . . . But I think it's tragic," mused Marion County Coroner Charles W. Green, "--tragic and hilarious...
...So heavy was the turnout that the polls had to be kept open far into the night...
...Yet the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that consumer prices were also down, and this for the first time in almost seventeen years, indicating that inflation has been dramatically squelched...
...Apparently the deceased's relatives did not realize that they were to spread his ashes across the river, not simply heave the funeral jug...
...The poor slob was left helpless for fifteen minutes while a jeering crowd pelted him with paper cups and debris...
...In New Orleans Mr...
...for, as one of Mr...
...Confusion filled the barroom of San Salvador's Intercontinental Hotel: The Reagan policy had been undone...
...No, Reagan had tricked the peasants...
...In the Netherlands village of Eerbeek, Mr...
...Though in enlightened Marshall, Missouri there was a "bicycle fallout marathon," in Winston-Salem, North Carolina the Rev...
...9 In Sacramento, California, a jury has awarded $142,000 to the mother of a man whose corpse was pilfered and romanced by apprentice embalmer Miss Karen Greenlee, 23, a natural recruit for the Mother Jones constituency if she is not already a subscriber or actual staff member...
...and more than 1,000 Hindus were arrested in India's northern state of Punjab when religious rioting was triggered by the puckish beheading of two sacred cows...
...He became lax in his security measures, and soon the constabulary swooped down upon him--wearing gas masks...
...Jack Henry Abbott, the New York Review of Books' most recent noble cause, was sentenced to a minimum of fifteen years and a maximum of life in prison for killing a waiter last summer, and on the day of the Boston Marathon Rosie Ruiz, the progressive marathoner stripped of her 1980 Boston Marathon title on the technicality that she had not actually run the race, was arrested and charged with stealing $60,000 from her employer...
...9 After much soul searching, Mr...
...Nonetheless, the credulous journalists followed every arcane weep-in, even the historic "swim for peace" from Provincetown, Massachusetts to Rockport, Maine undertaken by Andr~ the seal...
...Young Brian Allen is now pithily named Logic Israel...
...Apparently there still are just not enough neurotics and hypochondriacs at large in the land...
Vol. 15 • June 1982 • No. 6
