The Continuing Crisis
*October--electioneering at its most exuberant, at its sweatiest, at its most brazen and idiotic; yet despite the Democrats' and the pundits' dire yells of economic catastrophe and mossback...
...In legal developments, Atlanta's superior-court system is in ferment, and it could go either way: back to the draconian past or forward into the New Dawn...
...Rob Stepherison, the Giovanni Lorenzo Bernini of Professor Ellen Zweig's creative arts class, climbed atop the San Francisco State University Student Union Building at 2 p.m., lowered his jeans~ trimmed the foliage around his male member, and with Barbasol shave cream and a razor shaved his pubic area...
...Months later they returned to discover the village filled with plump and irate damsels...
...RET THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR DECEMBER 1982 7...
...As the report demonstrafes, birth control remains an elusive goal in the Third World where the nubile cutie snickers at injecting the intrauterine device into her person, fearing that the thing will float inside her, lodging within her cerebrum or perhaps ballooning from one of her dainty nasal cavities at an untimely moment, say during a tender interlude with her guy...
...On November 3 the stock market skyrocketed, the Dow Jones Industrial Average climbing a record 43.41 points to the highest level in history, 1065.49...
...In Virginia, Republican Paul Trible captured Harry Byrd's senate seat, after giving the voters a good laugh when his helicopter mistakenly landed in the midst of one of his opponent's rallies...
...All had been arduously prophesying Republican disaster, despit~an abundance of evidence to the contrary...
...the sense of claustrophobia intensified for those who hope to spread their science beyond Scarsdale, owing to a somber--albeit goofball--UN report to the Third Asian and Pacific Population Conference, meeting in some place called Colombo...
...And American art continues to leap from strength to strength despite the treachery of Tom Wolfe and his know-nothings...
...Zweig intoned, and she recalled the "Viennese artist named Rudolph Schwarzkogler, who cut off his penis inch by inch...
...In sum: The daft essay oozes with the mixture of Freudian flumdiddle and shameless bathos that has come to characterize the solemnities of the age, including this prosy description of her post-assassinationattempt condition as the FBI's interrogators closed in: "I started to cry a bit, then my tearsturned tO laughter...
...Still Stephenson has a way to go before he creates his masterpiece...
...And on television practically all the stone-headed commentators lost, revealing once again their ineffable stupidity and humorlessness...
...The professor, Mr...
...Otherwise most of the Republicans followed the strategy of Harding's 1920 front porch campaign...
...I c a n ' t believe this is a college campus in 1982...
...And the Third World guy is no more cooperative, for he is often given to swallowing his condom or boiling it before use, which might make it more sanitary but hardly more comfortable...
...sympathizes with his infatuation and dilates sagaciously about the whole ordeal: how she loathed every moment of it, "every sick letter I received, I made sure to r e a d , " " a f t e r a period of death-dodging you learn to believe that you've been picked for survival...
...I hurt . . . . " Enough...
...On October 8 the Polish "Parliament" banned-the Solidarity trade union, touching off demonstrations throughout the country and bringing a scowl from Pope John Paul II who condemned the action during the canonization rites for Auschwitz victim Maximilian Kolbe...
...sixty-page issue to celebrate fifteen years of pinning the tail on the nation's donkeys...
...Al-Tony Gilmore, has presided over an independent studies course and"The History and Politics of the Black Athlete in America...
...The backward-yearners took heart when Superior Court Judge Hilton Fuller gave' the toothsome Mr...
...Finally, The American Spectator came out with a plush...
...Apparently they were not persuaded that Tip O'Neill's spendthrifts had a better program than our Ron, and on November 3 the results were about what one expects in an off-year election...
...Finally, it appears that Miss Jodie Foster has softened her attitude toward the indefatigahle John Hinckley and is even launching a literary career thanks to her burgeoning relationship with him...
...In Camden, New Jersey, Miss Tina Stevens and her mother have admitted that they duped an electrician -into giving them his life savings as a consideration for transferring his bad luckto a nearby chicken...
...The only Republicans who showed any fire were Congressman Jack Kemp, who flew thither and yon reminding the electorate that Republicans ~ are tax cutters and the Democrats are tax raisers, and Lew Lehrman~ who came from nowhere to within three percentage points of the governorship of New York, winning 55 of 62 counties and losing only because New York City's Democrats herded together all the welfare s t a t e ' s slaves, driving them to polls to vote for their endangered government gruel...
...In California Edmund G. Brown, the candidate from outer space, was defeated in his race for the U.S...
...In the December Esquire sh...
...Harry Truman ;died...
...From Manchester, Iowa comes word that there has been a substantial decrease in the frequency that West Delaware High School students request to use the comfort station during class time since a neoconservative instructor began ordering incontinent students to carry toilet paper and to wear toilet seats around their necks while en route...
...In Maryland, a tenured professor in the state university's Afro-American Studies Program was indicted on charges of receiving more than $24,000 in kickbacks from three student assistants in exchange for phony jobs or academic credit...
...Senate despite a last minute decision by the secretary of state to allow the mental patients of Patton State Hospital for the criminally insane to vote...
...Only they surpassed it...
...Mrs...
...The yokels had been atop them with renewed ardor, always neatly slipping the vconderfui condoms onto bamboo poles...
...In San Francisco, 25-year-old Mr...
...Over at Planned Parenthood, Inc...
...American reformer Sara Jane Moore has granted a rare interview at California's Federal Correction Facility in Alameda County, during which she dabbed her eyes and expressed regret that her 1975 attempt on President Gerald R. Ford's life had been a failure...
...I t ' s like medieval times, this reaction to the human body...
...President Reagan announced a United States offer to sell 23 million tons of grain to one of the leading underdeveloped nations of Eurasia...
...The forward-lookers whooped it up when Superior Court Judge Clinton Deveaux granted temporary freedom to a Great Dane sentenced to life imprisonment for killing two fellow canines, a sentence that is in itself an advance over the dark days when such a noble creature would surely have been destroyed...
...In a remote Asian village UN field workers instructed local Casanovas on the use of the condom, using bamboo poles duly sheathed as learning devices...
...This is the price one pays in this country for dissent," she sniffled...
...This is not to say that the Republicans ran a persuasive campaign...
...There is a history of people using their body as art," Prof...
...John Thomas Harmon a 20-year sentence for biting the posterior of a perfect stranger as she walked along an Atlanta street in July 1981...
...It was simply too funny, too bizarre, too painful . . . My body jerked in painful convulsions...
...And Secretary of State George Schultz declared that the United States would vamoose from any United Nations organization that excluded Israel from participation, including the General Assembly...
...He is the author of Bad Nigger...
...yet despite the Democrats' and the pundits' dire yells of economic catastrophe and mossback tyranny, the voters merely shrugged...
...I couldn't stop laughing...
...Zweig who was very censorious as the campus gendarmes wheeled young Stephenson away...
...Truth be known, they ran a surprisingly timorous campaign, and many Republican financial contributors have every reason to ask for their money back...
...they hid under the porch...
...Part of a class project, the complicated performance seems to have earned him high marks with Prof...
...In one instance the' UN's birth control efforts may have actually caused a population boom...
Vol. 15 • December 1982 • No. 12
