The Great American Saloon Series/Billy Goat's
Ertel, George
THE GREAT AMERICAN SALOON SERlES BILLY GOAT'S by George Ertel. Chicago's Magnificent Mile is eleven blocks of Michigan Avenue, from the Wrigley Building and Tribune Tower north to fashionable Oak...
...Just watch out for the pigeons...
...They roost on the pillars that keep upper Michigan upper and on the railings of the staircase leading down from the sunlight...
...And below the by-lines are bowling trophies and photos of celebrities and notables-I recognize only Ohio Governor Jim Rhodes and gossip columnist Irv Kupcinet-and a chubby-legged Miss Greece- circa, I'll guess, 1952 Well, hell...
...Don't mess with the Goat...
...A patron-occupation: barrister-convinced Billy Goat Sianis that adopting the goat would be nothing less than appropriate, so the goat became a regular, too...
...Probably you'll go to the top of the Sears Building or the John Hancock and look over the city...
...And just around the corner, extending from above the red door is the carved wood sign: BILLY GOAT'S TAVERN est...
...There's a lower Michigan Avenue that connects to other subterranean streets in downtown Chicago-they're for delivery trucks, express buses, and cars that decline to compete with pedestrians...
...And while you drink your beer, you can eat a sandwich and chips...
...The hundred-story John Hancock Building and other skyscrapers along the Mile house advertising agencies, publishers, broadcasters...
...in fact, the team hasn't so much as won a National League Pennant since...
...You may want to see some examples of Frank Lloyd Wright's architecture...
...Billy Goat's is a saloon for beer, burgers, and conversation...
...John drops in occasionally, after work or maybe in lieu of the second half of an evening MBA class at Northwestern...
...Bill Sianis, who had comt from Greece to Chicago 25 years earlier with five dollars in his pocket, hustled newspapers (among other things) until he had-another five-dollar bill...
...Being close to the Stadium, Billy Goat's was the watering hole of professional athletes...
...Last August, when the Chicago White Sox were for sale, Sam was the first bidder to show money-$20...
...One Friday night, Sianis bought the bar with that five dollars and two checks for $100 each...
...Stanley used to sit on the steps along with the pigeons- Stanley the wino-until one of the Tribune's pudgy little reporters' human-interest stories got him hauled off to a suburban rehabilitation center...
...You don't go to Billy Goat's for glamour...
...blow-ups of their by-lines share wallspace with the anti-Calvert's signs...
...Chicago's Magnificent Mile is eleven blocks of Michigan Avenue, from the Wrigley Building and Tribune Tower north to fashionable Oak Street...
...no french fries...
...You've heard that on "Saturday Night Live...
...First there's the red, yellow, and green mural of the Goat on the street-side wall...
...Lest you think that this goat was mere whimsy, why, think again...
...This fin, though, was for investing...
...What it is is an on-going press release...
...Now Lynn works on the other side of the business district, but she's still a Friday night regular...
...You add to the burger to suit yourself at the condiment counter, then find a table...
...1934...
...The drinks are cheap, the bar is formica, the floor is a checkerboard of black and white asphalt tile...
...But even without Stanley as a landmark, you won't miss Billy Goat's...
...Why is Billy Goat's so popular...
...There are no waiters in tuxedos and no waitresses in fishnet stockings-if you want another beer, just ask the kid when he comes by...
...Sun-Times columnist Mike Royko uses Billy Goat's in his work...
...President to you, Mike...
...Billy Goat's is for people who can enjoy themselves without dependence upon the latest fashion, commercial titillation, or a facade of genteelness...
...Because of what it is, and also because of what it is not...
...There is also a sign cautioning newspaper pressmen about getting the bar stools dirty...
...Owner Sam Sianis knows how to get Billy Goat's in the newspapers...
...What Billy Goat's is not is pretentious, nor is it trendy...
...Billy took Billy to the I960 Republican Convention-smuggled him past security in an ABC bag...
...They lost the Series...
...By the following Monday morning, he had poured enough beer to keep the checks from bouncing...
...That made it a hangout for reporters, too...
...Stop in for a drink at Billy Goat's...
...service entrance...
...You can sit at any of about three dozen tables, all laminated with red and white plastic to look like they've got tablecloths...
...The pressmen started coming to Billy Goat's when the saloon moved from the Stadium to its present location between the city's two newspapers...
...The room is always crowded around noon, but you can get a seat if you have good luck and fast reflexes...
...Along the way are Tiffany's, Saks, Peacock's, I. Magnin, Elizabeth Arden's, Marshall Field's (in the three million square-foot Water Tower Place shopping extravaganza), and, perhaps in a year or so, Nieman-Marcus: the shops where the city's elegant folk spend $300 million annually...
...Lynn discovered the Goat's while a student at a local secretarial college...
...Any sandwich you can grill...
...No one ever tried to dance the Latin Hustle by the juke box...
...In September, Billy Goat's hosted a public relations event for an international backgammon tournament, thereby publicizing the saloon as well as the tournament...
...Reporters and columnists still frequent the place...
...He can relax there with a couple of beers and a couple of buddies as he puts the events and issues of the day into manageable perspective...
...People make room for her, because no one is absolutely certain that her threat to dance on their table if they don't find another chair is just talk...
...The billy goat became, well, like a son to Billy Goat...
...For everyone else, it's a George Ertel is a market analyst in Chicago...
...Lest patrons be unaware of Billy Goat's press celebrity, Sam has a "Wall of Fame" with blow-ups of newspaper articles illuminated with spotlights...
...We will not cash any personal checks . . . not even mine...
...Billy Goat Tavern and Grill is here, too...
...drink at Billy Goat's...
...Billy Goat, may he rest in peace, passed the torch to his nephew, Sam Sianis, and every noon Sam is behind the counter in the center of the room taking orders...
...In 1934, Billy Goat's was a couple of miles west, just across the street from the Chicago Stadium...
...After you've seen the sights, go see the people...
...Lunch for hundreds of Chicagoans daily is a double cheese (as we say), a 50 cent draft beer, and a bag of potato chips...
...Chizbuhgah chizbuhgah chizbuh-gah no fries no fries...
...A Calvert's salesman ignored that advice, got himself into a fight with Billy Goat, and his brand has not been sold in Billy Goat's Tavern from that day forward...
...Visitors fill the 10,000 rooms offered by the Marriott, the Ritz-Carlton, the Drake, and other fine hotels...
...Many of Royko's essays are set in the saloon, with patrons providing whatever insightful social commentary Mike wishes to put in their mouths...
...Billy Goat's is what they're talking about...
...Other announcements adorn the walls: "We reserve the right to set our patrons...
...One afternoon, a billy goat fell off a passing truck and wandered into the saloon...
...When you come to Chicago, you may want to see the art institute, the museums of natural history and science and industry, the zoos...
...When the goat was thrown out of Wrigley Field after Billy Goat had bought them two box seats for the 1945 World Series, Billy was so angered that he hexed the Cubs...
...If you don't like the way I serve, the prices I charge, or the way I run this institution-then BUY ME OUT...
...The biggest seller must be the double cheeseburger...
...Billy Goat's is simple...
...Billy Goat's has no mechanical bull...
...Well, not precisely on the Magnificent Mile: under it...
...for Billy Goat's, a front door...
...Lynn always gets a seat...
...Such publicity-seeking is good-natured, though...
...Unfortunately, Billy Goat's puts no insightful social commentary in Mike -only beer-so his readers are lectured on the newly discovered sagacity of Jerry Brown, the man Royko previously called "Governor Moonbean," and on the anticipated failings of Ronald Reagan-Mr...
...Two signs at either end of the L-shaped bar inform customers that that booze will never again be poured in the establishment...
Vol. 14 • January 1981 • No. 1
