The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS November 6 to December 4, and in times like these the big office in the Kremlin can be a lonely place. The grave responsibilities that fall on the leader of the whole...
...In San Francisco, California, entrepreneur Mr...
...The redoubtable Journal of the American Medical Association has published a learned paper whose findings suggest that women, or for that matter men, who have silicone implants to.enlarge their bosoms could experience an expansion of the bosom while aloft...
...As things continue to smolder for his Marxist-Leninist custodians in Warsaw, does' Papa Brezhnev beseech Divine guidance, as did, according to legend, our own President William McKinley before ending the Philippine Revolt of 1899...
...Doubtless there are Americans who find such loon speculations plausible...
...Ronald L. Ziegler, formerly press secretary to President Richard M. Nixon, has been named president of the National Association of Truck Stop Operators, and Mr...
...But then the Percys of this world have never heard Russian tanks clanking through the night...
...John Buettner-Janusch was sentenced to five years in the hoosegow for conspiring to manufacture vast quantities of LSD, Quaaludes, and barbituates in his campus laboratory...
...More than one visitor to Mr...
...and the young activists intend to continue their good works as long as there are complaints, which ought to be good news for East Lansing's bakers...
...If the recommendations of the Criminal Law Revision Committee become law, the old boys will have an easier time of it copulating with their daughters and sons, but their wives will have greater opportunities to charge them with forcible entry...
...Dan Rather and a Chicago Taxi driver who took the TV sage on a frightening-but who can doubt, deserved-drive through downtown Chicago, during which he refused to drop Mr...
...The grave responsibilities that fall on the leader of the whole Marxist-Leninist world make him a man apart, and as this magazine goes to press the inscrutable Poles are behaving very rambunctiously, leaving Leonid I. Brezhnev, General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union and President of the Supreme Soviet of the USSR, a man alone...
...Late in November, Senator Charles Percy returned from a visit to Moscow where he presented himself as a hail-fellow-well-met to the agape Russians...
...Thus, air travelers with breast implants should always wear loose-fitting underwear while in flight, and they ought to have their implants in specially equipped airplanes...
...On November 22, the 17th anniversary of the death of fellow Massachusetts pol John F. Kennedy, John W. McCormack, once Speaker of the House of Representatives, died...
...Finally, hats off to feminist Wanda Brandstetter, Ph.D...
...On November 21, 83 people died in a fire at Las Vegas's MGM Grand Hotel, yet curiously as this goes to press, none of those who call for the closing of nuclear plants have called for the closing of Las Vegas's high-rise hotels...
...After all, he is recognized as a Hero of Socialist Labor almost annually...
...RET...
...Terkel's home has come away with tobacco juice splattered all over him and nothing but hogwash to show for the ordeal...
...The use of religious hymns in Christmas pageants at Sioux Falls, South Dakota has been found to be okay by the United States Constitution, thus saving Sioux Falls pageant directors from having to confect ethical health cheers for the occasion...
...Amid violent protests from urban cyclists and their allies in the jogging corps New York City street repairmen tore up Manhattan's dangerous bicycling lanes...
...On November 14, a surrogate mother in Louisville, Kentucky gave birth to a baby boy and dutifully handed the merchandise over to its father...
...Forget not Cyrus Vance...
...Two members of Mr...
...Standing unbowed before a Springfield, Illinois courthouse, the 56-year-old feminist declared, "I stand here because the men of this nation have betrayed one-half of the human species, their own mothers included...
...Rather off at the home of Mr...
...The Russians love to indulge in these sentimental orgies about future generations, and without garrulous Yankee pols around, the Soviets would not have many opportunities...
...Jay Stuart has begun charging clients 25 cents per three minutes during which they may verbally abuse him...
...I say let the U.S...
...Flying at 18,000 feet a patient's silicone implant could expand to twice normal size, and at 30,000 feet it could expand to three times normal size-assuming that the original implant had been made at sea level...
...Barring an act of God, the senior senator from Illinois will be chairman of the Foreign Relations Committee...
...In Peking, the trial of Mr...
...Mao Tse-tung's widow Mrs...
...Mint put Mrs...
...There seems to be no doubt about the elderly revolutionary's guilt, but there apparently remains disagreement over how to dispose of her...
...And from Concord, New Hampshire, Mr...
...Charles Barry, New Hampshire's fish and game director, is attributing a surge of moose-poaching in the area to, of all things, drug-smuggling...
...Studs Terkel, Chicago's slob author...
...There the Senator was overflowing with talk about future generations of Ustinovs and Percys living in mellow harmony...
...Russ Meyer...
...T.Cullen Davis, the Texas millionaire, celebrated the anniversary of his acquittal on charges of attempted murder by throwing a party for the enlightened jurors...
...One sees Tass releasing dramatic photographs of the great man pensively walking his hound in Gorky Park or framed in a Kremlin doorway, enhaloed in gentle light, brooding over the fiend Walesa and his trade unionists...
...Famed New York University anthropologist Dr...
...Naturally he got into several "dreams and aspirations" palavers, the most memorable being with Defense Minister Dimitri Ustinov, "Conqueror of Afghanistan...
...When he presided over the State Department he was given to such moonshine as declaring that President Carter and the aforementioned Marxist-Leninist hold "similar dreams and aspirations about the most fundamental issues.'' The temptation to empathize chummily with our Soviet friends is almost a genetic defect in American statesmen...
...Brandstetter's mug on our $1,000 coins when inflation brings us to that denomination...
...And in culture news from Academe, Corinth Films is offering the nation's English Departments a modern adaption of Aeschylus' The Eumenides directed by Mr...
...Rather ought to be thankful for the Cab driver's good sense...
...On November 12 the National Conference of Catholic Bishops petitioned the Vatican for permission to revise the Roman Catholic Mass so that it might conform with the Lippincott Handbook of Nonsexist Writing...
...Stevie Wonder's chorale ensemble were roughed up in a Boston hotel, and mystery still surrounds that altercation between Mr...
...Jiang Qing and nine other radicals got under way after a 48-point indictment was read against them...
...For Papa Brezhnev to be up against labor is irony indeed...
...At Michigan State University in Lansing, Michigan, a group of consumerist-minded students, wearing masks, chefs hats, and aprons, heaved more than 25 pies into the dour smirkers of professors adjudged by their students to be boring or otherwise irritating...
...The enemies of the Age of Aquarius are indomitable...
...Also from London comes news that a government-appointed committee composed of judges, lawyers, and apparently a few sexual deviates, has recommended relaxation in laws prohibiting incestuous coitus, though sexual relations between man and wife are to be more closely policed...
...According to Corinth Films, "the depiction of the Furies as killer go-go dancers may be considered as somewhat strange, but the interpretation is truly intriguing...
...Brandstetter was fined $500 and ordered to do public service for offering an Illinois legislator a $1,000 bribe for his vote on the Equal Rights Amendment...
...On November 10, Michael Foot was elected Grand Howler of the British Labour Party, and in a gesture freighted with teleological symbolism, the people's bloke promptly broke his left foot...
...some Chinese leaders favoring leniency, others desiring to make her into a kind of pate...
Vol. 14 • January 1981 • No. 1
