The Soviet Bull Market
Nollson, John
John Nollson THE SOVIET BULL MARKET Financial markets reacted calmly to the news that the Federal Reserve Board had filed a tender offer to acquire all outstanding shares of the Soviet Union...
...given the rise of the dollar and recent Soviet setbacks on the world scene, SOVUNCORP is trading at its lowest price in the last ten years and shrewd money managers know it...
...they were never allowed to vote their shares...
...On the hour, Fed-sponsored broadcasts explain in patient detail how shareholders can forward their proxies to the sinking fund agent and acquisition managers in New York City...
...But either way, we shall be able to see exactly what it is we are trying to buy...
...The main computer of the Federal Reserve Board, which, as good luck would have it, is housed in a building not a stone's throw from the Department of State, spent the last week crunching out the numbers...
...They've taken a drubbing on the Peking Bourse and they'll be licking their wounds for the rest of the century," said one analyst who pays attention to these things...
...others tend to the view that it is their unfamiliar-ity with modern business practices which, for the moment, has caused them to be a bit standoffish...
...John Nollson THE SOVIET BULL MARKET Financial markets reacted calmly to the news that the Federal Reserve Board had filed a tender offer to acquire all outstanding shares of the Soviet Union (SOVUN-CORP...
...SOVUNCORP, of course, continued to speculate in precious metals, as a hedge against the day when the United States finally returns to the gold standard...
...We've gone over the tax advantages of our proposal with them for the umpteenth time, but they still don't seem to get it," said one Fed tax counsellor with a sigh...
...Some suspect their surliness can be attributed to the low price offered...
...Not even the Japanese can do it...
...Mao Minerals in Peking...
...But the Fed came back with an offer of $72 per share which the capital-starved headquarters of SOVUNCORP simply could not meet...
...Ever imaginative and alert, and always open to new business opportunities, the Fed has now decided to make its move...
...As we remember, the Fed had sharpened its skills in the famous proxy battle for control of DENGINC, a wholly owned subsidiary of St...
...A year later, the Fed's acquisition of Bulgarian Interfund passed almost without notice...
...If, for some reason, the Fed does not pull off its financial coup, there is a backup plan waiting in the wings...
...Accordingly, the Fed managed to filch a bit from each week's M 1-b in order to buildup its war chest...
...Yet the heirs could not agree about the disposition of the assets after the founder died...
...No one doubts that we ought to do whatever it is we do best, but skeptics recall similar attempts to place Americans on the board of directors of SOVUNCORP with disappointing results...
...The cheaper plan will rely on Kodak to orbit its cranking camera, though it will take at least two astronauts to turn the handle...
...Unfortunately, the Fed's attempt to buy a double full-page spread in Pravda was met with a stern rebuff by the present directors of SOVUNCORP...
...with us," one Fed bigwig is reported to have said...
...Once the camera is placed in orbit, specially trained astronauts, including James Garner, will shuttle up to the machine and push an enormous red button several times...
...In the meantime, it has been necessary to reach shareholders through the transmitters of the Voice of America and Radio Free Europe...
...One reason the markets have indeed remained calm is that they perceive, to the extent that markets perceive, of course, the logic of it all...
...Analysts had noticed an impressive run-down in the price of SOVUN common...
...in fact, there was a lot of family squabbling involving the widow, the children, and a bunch of disgruntled nieces, nephews, and cousins...
...It is, in sum, the most dramatic application of free enterprise principles to the management of foreign policy that we have seen in a long time...
...Experts differ over the likely result of the Fed's latest takeover bid...
...with the SEC, so it's O.K...
...The Polaroid Corpo ration has been commissioned to build a giant SX-70, one hundred and ten feet long, forty feet wide, and weighing seven tons...
...So no one was surprised when SOVUNCORP tried to expand its international holdings by acquiring some of the stock...
...Now, as everyone knows, these awesome financial raids invariably begin with a huge newspaper advertisement...
...The Fed, which arranged a multi-billion dollar line of credit to finance its takeover bid, seemed well on its way to pulling off the deal of the century...
...America's other forte, aside from merg ers and acquisitions, is instant photog raphy...
...It is a curious coincidence, but a demonstrable fact nonetheless, that all the equity of SOVUNCORP is equal to exactly five weeks' worth of M 1-b...
...s O.K...
...Mao had been built up over the past forty years until it had become the largest publicly owned company in the world...
...Huge color pictures of the Earth below will be automatically dis pensed and they will develop themselves in less than fifteen seconds...
...But we're going to continue to educate them...
Vol. 14 • October 1981 • No. 10
