The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS On November 4, the Rev. Mr. Ruhollah Khomeini returned to the "IV screens of America. Life in old Qom can grow tedious, especially if one is surrounded by idiot...
...Lent...
...Further, Americans are being urged to send the hostages season's greetings...
...In fact, when Mr...
...In New York City police are looking for an unknown urban terrorist who injects alienation and misery into the system by printing on the back of unused bank withdrawal slips, "THIS IS A STICK UP...
...Nader's safety equipment...
...He called in the cameras and microphones, stuck his muzzle into the Koran, and proceeded to make Mrs...
...Harris' overzealous agents...
...Spock through pursed lips...
...and there had been no "milk fund" scandal...
...Patricia Harris issued a stout allocution against sex discrimination in college athletic programs, a hammer-wielding assailant in Norfolk, Virginia, visited "irreparable damage" upon the private parts of the Chrysler Museum's gigantic bronze nude, "Man...
...Nader gently pointed out that safer cars "could have headed off the personal tragedy of certain senators," Senator Garn became surprisingly hostile, turning what should have been a very high-minded colloquy into a very personal confrontation...
...There was also Mr...
...On November 13, San Francisco inducted its first professed homosexuals into the police department after what Mayor Dianne Feinstein described as "intensive recruitment among San Francisco's gay community...
...Thus, those who produce energy will he punished for producing it, even as those who produce unprofitable cars will be encouraged to produce them...
...For the same doltish solons who would cut oil profits and the incentives to find oil are leading the campaign to extend a life-support system from the U.S...
...And back in the House of Representatives, where the solemnities compete with snores and where the paper airplanes of the Democrats soar above the spitballs of the Republicans, the House Foreign Affairs Committee on December 11 finally did something about our hostages in Iran...
...In Sacramento, California, a 32year-old daughter of joy has sued her doctor claiming that his alleged malpractice during a throat operation vitiated her capacity for oral sex...
...No bankers fled the country, and the generals appear to have accepted the news with equanimity...
...The unfortunate decision reversed an 18year-old ruling establishing that a man could, indeed, call a woman a cow without committing slander...
...Beyond showing that some giant American corporations --namely, ABC, CBS, and NBC--can still labor productively in 13th-century Iran, what else of a positive nature can be said about these six weeks of lunatic barbarism...
...THE C O N T I N U I N G CRISIS _9 On November 4, the Rev...
...Truth be known, Senator Garn did not take Mr...
...A powerful statement that, but I have a suggestion that may be more powerful still...
...Skeptics pointed to Teddy's inherent mediocrity...
...Robert Lent, a Washington lawyer seated in a smoking section, responded to the poisonous billows issuing from his neighbors by creating what pilot Larry Kinsey called "an insurrection...
...Were the dirty tricksters at it again...
...Aleksei Kosygin has, alas, suffered a heart attack...
...That ought to move him...
...RET 2 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR JANUARY 1980...
...Embassy...
...Then, too, there is the troubling fact that after three years of our President's McGovernite-manned White House, Teddy really has nothing to suggest that is not either a) implausible or b) a policy of the Carter administration and therefore a catastrophe...
...And in New York City Miss Megan Marshack, the young art expert who was with Mr...
...Twelve tons of defective baby diapers packed into a 40-foot trailer truck mysteriously ignited inJamul, California, causing panic...
...No de'tails of the mode of recruitment were forthcoming, but the forward-looking Mrs...
...Nader cut to the heart of the matter when he pronounced, "You're not going to deny me the right to be touched by the death of your wife . . . a n d you're not going to deny me the right to say that kind of personal tragedy could have been prevented...
...malefactors of great wealth brought in their CIA spooks...
...Robert A. Wade of South Boston, Virginia, has filed suit in federal court demanding that the President be removed from office because he "is a religious idiot...living in a dream world of his own making devoid of common sense and reality...
...The pundits laid the blame for Teddy's blunderings to the heroics our President has shown during the Iranian terror...
...Why not send season's greetings directly to the Holy Man in Qom, and include in each packet a salacious underwear ad from your hometown newspaper...
...Achmed Abdullah has declared his belief that heretofore unrealized sources of virility can be tapped by sitting on a transistor radio for an hour or so a day...
...Feinstein did make bold her asseveration that the presence of the homosexual police would have "a major impact on reducing crime"--unless one happens to be a cute male speeder...
...He will be missed...
...9 French sports fans grieved over the untimely death of M. Marc Quinquandom, the snaileating champion of the world...
...To call a woman a cow, in those days, might even have been interpreted as a compliment, but times change...
...Lent become that Captain Kinsey was forced to land the plane at Baltimore-Washington International Airport, causing 177 passengers to cancel their trip and return to Washington, where they undoubtedly raised a quiet toast to the publicspiritedness of Mr...
...9 Just days after Health, Education and Welfare Secretary Mrs...
...Moreover, this was not the month's only display of conscience...
...9 Reformers continue to pique the conscience of America and to improve us...
...9 President Carter may be faced with the greatest threat to his Presidency yet, for an 81year-old lawyer, Mr...
...9 The cause of civil liberties in Krugersdorp, South Africa, suffered incalculable damage when Judge Chris Eksteen found Mr...
...M. Quinquandom a 586-pound truck driver, died of indigestion after swallowing a record plate of six dozen snails in less than three minutes...
...Of course, 18 years ago cows were in far higher repute amongst civilized peoples, in Bloomer, Wisconsin, President John F. Kennedy had referred to the "American cow" as "the 'foster mother' of the human race, and a great asset to the nation...
...Nelson Rockefeller as he cooled to room temperature, has taken a job with Broadway producer Mr...
...The thing is a saturnalia of stupidity, stupidity so stupefying that in Moscow Papa Brezhnev never misses the evening news, and the Hon...
...Here is a very big man...
...Christiaan Ehrson guilty of slander for calling Miss Katherine Adleman, a conventional biped, a cow...
...Ralph Nader, who on November 20 popped up at a Senate Banking Committee hearing on aid to the Chrysler Corporation and apprised Senator Jake Garn that Senator Garn's wife of 19 years might not have perished in an automobile accident three years ago had her car been equipped with Mr...
...Nonetheless, Mr...
...In St...
...Pakistani strongman General Mohammed Zia ul-Haq has vowed to get tough with shepherds who enter into liaisons with members of their flocks, and in Sri Lanka the Rt...
...Passengers on Eastern Flight 1410, a morning shuttle from Washington to New York, certainly must have felt improved after anti-tobacco activist Mr...
...It approved a resolution demanding that none of the hostages have their "career prospects impaired by the ordeal...
...Life in old Qom can grow tedious, especially if one is surrounded by idiot mullahs and the abysmal yokels who aspire to mullahdom, so the Holy Man set his bovine followers upon the U.S...
...So impassioned did Mr...
...The scoundrel then vamooses, leaving the withdrawal slips to be filled out by unsuspecting customers who are duly clamped into the hoosegow...
...And eight thousand exuberant rock aesthetes rushed for seats at a Cincinnati rock concert, leaving eight injured and 11 dead...
...9 Bulgaria announced price increases across the board, and back in Washington our 96th Congress responded to our energy needs by expediting its so-called windfall profits tax...
...Madalyn Murray 0'Hair look plausible...
...The TV tycoons have for the greater glory of Mammon filled the "IV screens with scowling primitives, quavering Americans, and our President: Metternich reduced to enunciating the platitudes of Dr...
...Alexander H. Cohen...
...9 On November 7, Senator Edward M. Kennedy answered the anguished cries of tens of millions of down-trodden Americans and declared his candidacy for the Democratic presidential nomination...
...Treasury to the Chrysler Corporation, proving once again that one ought to be an economic idiot to be a congressman and an incompetent businessman to be befriended by Congress...
...Had the...
...As a consequence, "Man" is now one of the only male nudes in America conforming to HEW's sex discrimination standards, and local officials have not ruled out the possibility that the atrocity was the work of one of Mrs...
...Paul, Minnesota, a 15-year-old boy, distraught by the cancellation of the TV show "Battlestar Galactica," took the hemlock by launching himself into the Mississippi River from a local bridge...
...More mysterious still, the Massachusetts Cicero began to sound like a tremulous hind...
...Nader's admonition in the avuncular spirit with which it was intended...
Vol. 13 • January 1980 • No. 1
