The Continuing Crisis

...The program's director, Miss Phyliss Lyons, a woman who obviously understands the importance of a cheerful but informed mental health brigade, is dealing with the crisis in a very positive way: "We tell the people they can close their eyes if they might be upset by the films...

...Still, our sequel did not begin on such a gloomy note...

...Millions of Americans celebrated Valentine's Day on February 14, and no news story con veyed the meaning of the day more pungently than that of New York's Mr...

...And an even grimmer story comes from the heartland where lawyers for the American Civil Liberties Union are in despair over a federal judge's decision to allow Christmas carols in the public schools of Sioux Falls, South Dakota, thereby freeing thousands of students to sing "Jingle Bells" and God knows what all at the top of their lungs...

...In Rochester, New York, women's liberation-ists felt a glow of profound satisfaction when the first girl ever to be indicted for rape was so charged thanks to a new equal-protection law...

...but until an enlight ened judge answers sanity's call, the frenzied carolers of Sioux Falls will put the lie to all our human rights claims...

...Roots II" was aired on TV midst much bawling and oooh-ing despite the fact that it was from stem to stern a fabrication, a matter ABC somehow neglected to mention in the soap opera's credits...

...Robin Cranston, 31 -year-old son of California Senator Alan Cranston, suffered another cruel setback when he was arrested and charged with attempted murder and arson on February 18...

...Robert Lesterwick, who was arrested and booked on February 13 for failure to report a body...

...In brief: Jimmy put the Egyptians and the Israelis in a position either to humiliate the United States, thereby destroying the prestige of the one nation that stands behind them and behind all moderate Middle Eastern nations, or to sign some sort of agreement...

...The ACLU promises to appeal this re gressive judge's atrocity...

...Stephen Pettice, 26, "we prisoners are continu ously denied our constitutional rights year after year...

...I shot myself in the heart...

...The Chinese army plodded six to ten miles in to Vietnam, only to plod back after a three-week invasion that left adepts in the Marxist dialectic sweating through holy scripture, searching for a proper exegesis...

...Taking one thing with another, what libber has done more to advance human understanding...

...Is there any washroom attendant anywhere in the United States who would gamble so much American prestige for so little and do it so amateurishly...

...Considering the condition of our energy sup plies, the condition of our defense, systems, the condition of our worldwide influence, and the condition of our leadership, it becomes appar ent that never in the postwar period were the United States and its friends less secure...

...Does anyone now doubt that we are governed by a singular ignoramus...

...nap by the fireplace when it suddenly and inexplicably exploded...

...On the other hand, American men gave sex a pre eminent rating, preferring it even over attend ing athletic events and beer drinking...

...I believe this is wrong...

...Isola tionism, whether formulated in Cambridge, Massachusetts, or in Plains/Georgia, is a dan gerous policy for the late twentieth century...

...Horselaughs were heard in San Clemente, California, when poor ex-Congressman Joshua Eilberg pled guilty to various charges of malversation, making him the latest of the hellish Nixon's Watergate opponents to blow up under mysterious circumstances...

...The younger Cranston's earlier peccadilloes, including drunken driving and selling a hallucinogenic drug to an otherwise virginal Playboy bunny, were always laid to a youthful liberality and flair, but this last set of charges is more difficult to account for...

...The sequel ends on March 15, when the Egyptians and Israelis joined forces to preserve the office of the American presidency as a force in international relations...

...We're trying to do away with the mythology that they do weird things...

...Patricia Hearst announced plans to marry Mr...

...According to the gentleman, Mr...

...Yet, she is playing a significant role in this historic American pageant, and doubtless the ladies of the fevered brow will someday have her profile on a small coin or stamp...

...The 28th corpse was removed from the home of John Wayne Gacy on March 9. The political career of Mr...

...From San Francisco comes word of an astonishing mutiny among that enlightened city's most important civil servants, its mental health corps...

...And on March 11 Senator George McGovern announced his opposition to the strategic arms limitation treaty despite support for the treaty by Pravda, McGovern's cus tomary political cynosure...

...Now serving a 315-year sentence, the young man called a press conference wherein he denounced the McGraw-Hill publishing company, and made other remarks clearly out of harmony with the First Amendment...

...In stead he remained, and the market went up again on Monday...

...Fearing that opportunists would exploit his good name by publishing trashy books about his recent adventures, David Berkowitz, the well-known "Son of Sam," recanted his tales about "demons, talking dogs, and legions of satan's henchmen...

...It climbed 10.56 points the next day...

...Every year during the Christmas holidays we prisoners are denied our rights to see Santa Glaus...

...Spiritous drink and Western underclothing are being banned in Pakistan, where a man was arrested for "forcing" his wife to wear a brassiere...

...I can recall no diplomat who has ever resorted to such a foolhardy expedient, but then I can recall none with a cheaper mind...

...He returned on Tuesday, and the market dropped Those are the facts...

...Also on the culture scene, a study published in Psychology Today reveals that middle-class American women in large numbers prefer reading to making love,.a pastime that scored just one percentage point above sewing...

...An 83-year-old man from Dover, England, is still shaking his head over the shocking demise of his four-year-old terrier, Rex, and his maid is still scrubbing the living room...

...The girl, 15-year-old Miss Jacqueline Johnson, is admittedly down in the dumps as she now sits in a slammer under ten thousand dollar bond for allegedly raping a 14-year-old girl...

...According to Mr...

...o A prisoner in Raleigh, North Carolina, has filed an official grievance with the North Caro lina Grievance Commission...

...The films are to show people what it is that gay and bisexual people do sexually...

...According to news reports, the mental health workers are angry-never a very' healthy state of mind for a mental health worker -over a training program that requires them to view films depicting various aspects of homosexual amour, for instance prolonged kissing...

...The day Jimmy exited Washington the stock market went up 7.71 points...

...Lesterwick's mother, which police found peacefully decomposing on Lesterwick's couch where it had lain for at least two months...

...Scotching the impulse to join Miss Ades in her speculations on this engaging question, the officer in charge instantly dispatched two blue-shirted galoots who found the young philosopheress bleeding lavishly and rushed her to Bellevue Hospital, while she continued to postulate many searching questions about modern urban life...

...Thus when Senator Lowell Weicker declared his candidacy for the presidency friends could hear mad dogs howling in the night, and it is a rare Capitol Hill cove who does not expect to read of the six-foot-six, oval-shaped Senator in an obituary before election day...

...Bernard Shaw on April 1, and Mel's Sporting Goods store went out of business...

...The body in question was that of Mr...

...It was Mel's that Miss Hearst sprayed with machine-gun fire in May 1974, and the establishment never recovered...

...In Wash ington, D.C., a meeting whose purpose was to dulcify opposing sides in the abortion issue erupted in discord when three ladies interrupted a news conference and displayed two human fe tuses, And in New Jersey consumerists went into a panic when that state's governor asked the state legislature to repeal a statute banning the sale of adulterated horse manure...

...The thing is bizarre, and by mid-March it become even more bizarre when Senator Herman Talmadge, late of the Senate Watergate Committee, emerged from a California hospital, where he had been drying out for five weeks, and trudged on to face a Senate ethics investigation...

...What could his purpose have been...

...The benefits of having an unintellectual police force were never so dramatically demonstrated as on March 4 when Miss Jeanette Ades, 26, called a nearby Manhattan police station to ask: "Why am I still alive...

...THE CO NTINUING GRISIS This sequel of our exciting story begins in mid-February with our President in Mexico in gratiating himself to the Mexicanoes with a joke about their drinking water and its effect on his bowels...

...They don't do anything significantly different than heterosexuals...

...Toby Brompton, his dog was taking an early afternoon...

...As the loving son put it, he "could not part with her...

...Much useful information was denied the American people when a federal judge in Milwaukee barred the Progressive magazine from publishing an essay describing the operation of a hydrogen bomb...

...On the third day it appeared that Jimmy might be returning over the week end and the market dropped 1.99 points...

...Yet, admitting that he has "mellowed," he went on to say that he intends to devote the rest of his life to ' 'y°ga and astral projection," thus suggesting a possible career on the campus lecture circuit when he becomes eligible for parole in 2008...

...On March 7 Billy Carter underwent treatment for "alcohol dependency," andon February 27 our President's sister was arrested for disturbing the peace in Americus, Georgia...