Laconique Politique
Nollson, John
John Nollson Laconique Politique All across the world, politicians have sought to deal with the gradually shrinking attention span of their constituents. Consultants have advised their...
...What solution do you have for this problem...
...Proceeding from the wellknown Japanese gift for miniaturization, the consultants advised the Prime Minister's leading opponent to practice the art of "laconique politique...
...President, it is said that the successful summit at Camp David has revived your political prospects...
...Q. Mr...
...President...
...Sweet treat...
...The President: Scuffed boots on the shelf...
...Semites spoke English, thank God...
...The President: One rocket goes up...
...Cocaine, Runnin' 'round our brain...
...We head for the hills...
...Now he wears a pin-striped suit...
...Smashed greedy airline cartel...
...President, could you give us your assessment of the results of the November election and what it presages for the next year of your administration...
...The President: Arab andJew met...
...Hamilton Jordan...
...Q. Frankly, Mr...
...What are your plans to restore the damaged credibility of the White House staff...
...The President: Tax tax tax tax tax Spend spend spend spend spend spend spend Elect elect elQ. Remarkable...
...Polls float on fickle feelings...
...The President: 1980 comes...
...Red as unpicked tomatoes, Lopez-Portillo...
...President, we had expected that you would be a bit more longwinded...
...five syllables, then seven syllables, then five more, and that's all," commanded Minimoto, the challenger's adviser...
...The President: Skyward taxes fly...
...The President: Deregulation...
...The President: Buddhism's passe, And yoga's not the way to One up Jerry Brown...
...President, if I could follow up on the previous question, do you plan on playing the China card as a way of persuading the Soviets to make concessions...
...What is your greatest fear...
...Consultants have advised their clients to limit all responses to questions-"no more than one minute...
...President, in all candor, the tone of this press conference is a little peculiar...
...Do you think the Laconique Politique summit accounts for the startling turnaround in your political fortunes...
...Q. Mr...
...Peace came just in time...
...Do you think the Panama Canal treaties will come back to haunt you...
...Q. Mr...
...Q. Mr...
...The President: Thank you...
...President, Washington has been buzzing with rumors that you plan a major shakeup of the White House staff...
...We tack to the right...
...The American people may demand an explanation...
...We dig cheap travel...
...Q. Mr...
...The complete transcript now follows:) Q. Mr...
...We can report that the President's men have come into possession of a memorandum prepared by Japan's leading political consulting firm...
...Twenty-four warheads come down...
...President, do you believe that the Senate will ratify a SALT II agreement...
...Q. Is there really any way you can sum up your entire approach to politics in seventeen syllables...
...We have not heard the last from Omar Torrijos...
...President, you have told the American people of your hopes...
...Their advice was followed and the Prime Minister was dumped...
...We just don't think so...
...Q. Mr...
...Surly electorate waves 'Sayonara...
...President, people in the southwest are deeply disturbed over the increasing influx of illegal immigrants...
...What will you say to them...
...President, what do you regard as your administration's most significant achievement in the area of domestic policy...
...The President: We don't smoke but we Love our coke...
...Q. Mr...
...The President: Straw hats with wide bands...
...And the thirty-second television spot will no doubt be shrunk to fifteen as soon as the reasons for low voter turnout are analyzed...
...Obviously, he has passed the word to the President, for what else can account for the otherwise inexplicable tone of last week's nationally televised extravaganza...
...Q. Mr...
...No more than seventeen syllables, one haiku, our traditional verse form...
...President...
...But what really explains the brevity of the President's most recent press conference...
...Q. Thank you, Mr...
...The President: Words from Mao: "Dig deep, Store rice, tell Brezhnev, 'Your mom Wears red army boots.' " Q. Another question on foreign policy, Mr...
...The President: Mex treks sure scare Tex...
...What are you really up to...
Vol. 12 • January 1979 • No. 1
