The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS - April through May, and the political science of ourpopulist buffoon continues to amaze the world. In foreign chancelleries everywhere diplomats crowd before their teletypes...
...Moved by the tragic demise of Bubbles, a California hippo- potamus, Mr...
...Based on the Soviets' historic tradition for turning out lemons, I have long suspected that World War III might turn out this way, and I would dearly have loved to see the look on Papa Brezhnev's muzzle when he gave the order to let the world have it, only to be met with hundreds of fizzles...
...Not at all...
...Opponents of the neutron bomb were given much to think about after a microcosmic demonstration of one of the bomb's commanding virtues wasprovided in Cary, North Carolina, by Mr...
...Then it was that a South Korean commercial jet strayed into Soviet air space, apparently unbeknownst to the Soviet air defense system, another fine product of Russian technical know-how...
...Miss Red rave the star of such artistic treasures as The Devils, in which she played a sex-starved, hunchbacked nun, be- lieves thepresent British government to be "the most vicious and most treacherous the working class has ever faced"—something to think about...
...Ron Hansen has filed suit in a Boulder, Colorado, District Court seeking $350,000 in damages from his- for what his clever lawyer de- scribes as "parental malpractice...
...The lonepopulist stared resolutely forward, and it was not until a local pol gently remonstrated with him that he gave up his hilarious pose...
...History will note that the bill was the work of Rep...
...At a grim pre- divorce conference with his wife, Mr...
...What is it thatprotects us from rapacious Albanians or an invasion by an armada of crazed Laotians ? I have come to believe that all that keeps the Russians from being even more obstreperous than they now are is "the bonkers factor...
...America is nowgoverned by a concatena- tion of jokes...
...Is this really the democratic solution to Richard Nixon the improvement on Gerald , Ford...
...We are overlawyered and underrepresented " , he insisted...
...The bill also would have required theman to inform the woman that she mig re ht be imgnated by his act and that childbirth could P result in serious healthproblems...
...RET 2 The American Spectator June/ July 1978...
...In hisplatform he promises to replace wild zoo animals with human stand-ins, thus freeing the wild animals to return to their natural habitats...
...Then they either lost sight of the crippled plane for an hour and a half or had their minds on other matters, for theplane flew all over north Russia before finally landing on a frozen Russian lake, probably a health spa...
...Do berries are on sale in vending machines in the White House and in souvenir shops all over Washington...
...He called vagrancy a "social disease," and departed for the state of Wash- in ton where, in the midst of a speech on health care, he broke into a kind ofglossolalia of vitriol against doctors and the American Medical Association...
...It is a factor whose benefits the students ofgeopolitics have sadly under- estimated...
...and at a flag-raising ceremony in Spokane, Wash., could not find the flag, though no one else had any difficulty...
...Mondale still does not realize that last week he dropped bricks all over Asia...
...We do know that when the old rascal turned up in West Germany for meetings with Chancellor Helmut Schmidt he looked haggard and, according to Mr...
...An 18-year-old freshman at the University of Wisconsin, whose mother is Executive Director of the Wisconsin Civil Liberties Union, has had his application for a Playboy Bunny position rejected and is now reviewing relevant judicial decisions that might retrieve his cruelly aborted career...
...Late in April, our president gave sworn testimony, which if be- lieved would have sent a Georgia state senator to the hoosegow on federal conspiracy charges...
...Nicolae Ceausescu, Presi- dent of Rumania, with the wrong national anthem...
...would ex • Actress Vanessa Red rave has returned to London to campaign for her brother Corin, a candidate for Parliament on the Workers' Revo- lutionary ticket...
...Egon Bahr, business manager of the West German Social Democratic Party consumed a bottle and , a half of vodka in two days...
...He now suggests that his human stand-ins be chosen fromprisoners and the unemployed who "learn tricks quicker than wild animals"--a familiar neo-conservative theme...
...An Indiana sociologist has suggested that tiny transmitters be implanted in New York City rag women to enable scientists to study the travels of these interesting urban dwellers about whom very little is known...
...There is now some speculation that World War III was launched on April 20...
...Did our president take the hint and amiably turn around...
...Needless to say, the Georgia jury, whose mem- bers have already had years of experience with ourpresident, released the alleged felon post- haste...
...In hysteria they blasted away at the plane, killing two civilians and wounding ten others...
...Twenty-four-year-old Mr...
...What restrains the Soviets today is the sound suspicion that our president is a real nut...
...I have inspected many prisons and I know that nearly all inmates are drawn from the ranks of thepowerless and the poor," he declaimed...
...Norwegian radar tracked the flight, but it was not until the Boeing 707 lumbered over heavily-guarded, secret military installations—a flight of at least 18 minutes—that the comrades looked up to see the menace and scrambled to their Migs...
...Alas, "it is a sign of the essential small- town niceness of the Carter administration that Mr...
...In Indianapolis, Indiana, Mr...
...Paul, Minnesota's gay rights law, that city's mayor, Mr...
...Rarely has Washington attracted such avid curiosity abroad...
...What is it that limits Russian mischief to Africa and the Middle East...
...The inquiry rarely leaves him unconsoled...
...greeted Mr...
...The horselaugh has replaced our national anthem...
...Darling's campaign has taken an un- expectedly nasty turn...
...George Latimer, solemnly entreated pederasts not to leave the city, assuring them that they remain "human beings...
...Cleta Deatherage...
...According to that authori- tative magazine, Vice President Mondale— "the kind of American who likes to call himself decent andprogressive"—while touring South- east Asia "made an understandable ass of himself" by lecturing his hosts on human rights and, in nations with stupendously more robust growth rates than America's, patronizing them with idiotic foreign-aid programs "plainly picked to tickle the trendy ignorant voters...back home...
...Gary Sowers, deceased...
...Only Zeus knows what he might do when aroused...
...Robert Gibson took sevenpersons hostage and held them for thirteen hours, when he became dis- traught "by little things that are driving me up the wall...theguy who parks in two parking places, beer bottles...in the parking lot, and kids revving their motorcycles while I'm sleep- in g." Flagitious provocations indeed, yet think of theprovocation provided the White House by an editorial from the May 13-19 issue of London's Economist...
...Who doubts that even in remote Bangladesh there resides a lowly peasant who, after plodding through furrows, his face impassively set toward the undulating hindquarters of a mortgaged bovine, rushes home to inquire: "What's the latest with the Washington yokel, eh...
...Lowell Darling is seeking that state's Democratic nomination forgovernor...
...The Oklahoma House has rejected a proposal requiring written consent from a woman before a man might engage her in the ultimate sexual embrace...
...And Hermy, a hermaphroditic burro recently captured in a remote corner of Inyo County, California, has been rescued by the American Humane Asso- ciation from scientists who, if they had their wayperiment on her/him...
...After all, in Washington he had noisily vetoed a rabbit-meat inspection program, brave- ly identifying the action as another of his tough measures against inflation...
...According to his suit, Hansen will be in need of psychiatric care ' throughout his life because of his parents "intentional infliction of emotional distress...
...THE CONTINUING CRISIS • April through May, and the political science of ourpopulist buffoon continues to amaze the world...
...Sowers detonated conventional explosives covertly strapped around his waist, killing them both, but also causing vast and unnecessary damage to a richly-appointed law office full of fine antiques...
...There he stood, hand on heart, staring stonily into the faces of a thousand Spokanese, as they gazed upon Old Glory rising majestically behind him...
...In foreign chancelleries everywhere diplomats crowd before their teletypes eager for every fresh report of Washington hijinks...
...This they did and with the , same success that they had had with their air defense system...
...Yet Mr...
...After a two-to-one vote against St...
...In Wichita, Kansas, an even more overwhelming vote against pederasts two weeks later sent a chill through every hair salon in the country...
...At nopoint in his western tour did he actually mention the Bilderbergers, the Rothschilds, or a Swiss bankers' conspiracy, but anthropologists who now study his every move suspect that he had such culprits on his mind...
...My guess is that they had their minds on other matters, namely: let- tin g fly against all their enemies with their first- strike missile force...
...Of late, the President ofthe United States publicly described Jerusalem as the capital of Israel...
...In May, our president went on a political fence-mending tour of the west and on May 4 startled a contented meeting of the Los Angeles Bar Association by suddenly yelling much in the •fashion of a fundamentalist wailer swathed by rattlesnakes and reaching for the strychnine...
Vol. 11 • June 1978 • No. 8
