The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS - November, and in old Russia the jovial faces of the comrades suggested that something really swell was in the air. Perhaps the Pope had died. Possibly the New York Stock...
...The womenfolk wore their traditional babushkas and galoshes, yet there was more than a hint of the fabled Soviet prosperity, for many of the babushkas had obviously been ordered from chic Murmansk...
...Stephen, ancient symbol of Hungarian nationhood, despite rebukes by George Meany and other curious fish...
...As spanking new T-72 tanks and high speed artillery swooshed before him, the head thug pontificated on his admiration for simple defensive weaponry...
...Sixty years of progress, six historic decades that have catapulted the model socialist state beyond even the volupt dreams of Ivan the Terrible, a progressive to be sure, but one whose dungeons were mere Dairy Queen stands compared with the spacious, modern facilities of the present regime...
...At Baltimore's Towson State University an audience of 1,200 students and faculty sat in rapt attention as Mr...
...It looked so cold," said the passionate young beauty as dozens of young Englishmen scrutinized their faces for signs of the pernicious effects of Miss van Herpen's mysterious lips...
...I only kissed it to cheer it up...
...THE CONTINUING CRISIS • November, and in old Russia the jovial faces of the comrades suggested that something really swell was in the air...
...Warnke has promised them a four-to-one advantage in payload and a potentially similar advantage in warheads...
...Returning home from a late-night party last March, the high-spirited young man broke into a neighbor's apartment, stabbed her repeatedly with a knife (his vision is not good), slashed her a number of times with a broken bottle (early malnutrition has left him indecisive), raped her, and left her for dead at the feet of her bemused six-year-old son...
...From November 18th through the 20th thousands of maniacs met in Houston, Texas, to give personal testimony to the very special role hate has played in their lives and to pass absurd resolutions, the majority of which would be judged offensive even in Berkeley, California...
...Leonid Brezhnev, 70-year-old wizard of dialectical materialism and hope of oppressed peoples everywhere...
...True, the ordinary citizens are a saturnine lot, but oh how they did roll their eyes and rub their tummies at the unprecedented display of weaponry parading before Lenin's tomb, where the old rascal lies embalmed and full of mold...
...From the White House comes sound evidence that the Wonderboy is making good on his promise to get the country moving again...
...Truman Capote tumbled head over hoofs en route to the lectern, propped himself behind it, and commenced babbling nonsensically, abusively, and esoterically...
...October wholesale prices rose by the largest increase in six months, and unemployment climbed to seven percent...
...In earthy Westwego, Louisiana, charges of disturbing the peace and cruelty to animals were clamped down on Mr...
...Warnke when he brings his darling to Capitol Hill...
...and when on November 19 the press reported that 14 percent of the sea gulls on an island off California were lesbians a resolution of solidarity seemed imminent...
...As the common folk shivered at his feet, he sang of Soviet prosperity...
...Modernists in the audience took notes...
...Thus does government continue its Procrustean regimentation of our lives...
...November 7 was the sixtieth anniversary of the glorious Russian Revolution, and it is a merry Bolshevik who is still around to cheer...
...Lord and Taylor's intense interest in personal dignity goes far back to the early 1970s when it became the first New York department store to allow men to try on women's lingerie in its fitting rooms—no questions asked...
...Maybe the KGB had released its estimate of the mean IQ of the White House staff...
...now he talks of pruning back our research effort...
...The federally-funded grousing exhibition abounded with louts, cranks, and sexual deviants...
...As the KGB's patriots tightened their noose around Sakharov and the villainous dissidents, he assured the tremulous wherever they might be: "The cause of the people's liberation is indomitable...
...The ordinary citizenry tramped into the romantic square chastely attired in ankle-length coats of every imaginable shade of brown...
...And months of guessing ended on November 10 when Lord and Taylor's department store gave its revered Rose Award to proletariat playwright Miss Lillian Hellman, sole survivor of the 1950s Anti-Communist Terror, for her "unwavering crusade for personal dignity...
...The administration is returning to Hungary the Crown of St...
...Meanwhile, over at the SALT II talks, chief U.S...
...In Hagi, Japan, a man, angered by the putative mischief of a stray cat, drenched it in kerosene and lit it, only to watch it enter, ignite, and destroy a historic 209-year-old building...
...A Criminal Court Judge imposed a 20-year jail sentence on a young man for nothing more than first degree burglary, armed rape, and assault and battery with intent to kill...
...RET...
...Muhlenberg, a selfless crusader in the cause of women's one-piece bathing suits, was carried off by the polizia in 1909 when she removed her stockings for a swim...
...In England today, 590,000 patients await operations on a list that increases by one percent per year—splendid testimony to the popularity of socialized medicine...
...Some observers expected the convention to invite members of the flock to Houston...
...Tulsa, Oklahoma's policewomen were thrown into a fury when that city's prosecutor refused to file charges against two men who, when stopped for questioning by policewomen Perri Burnette and Rosie Nadeau, kissed them...
...No muttonchops for him, no wide white belts, white shoes, or maroon doubleknit suits with white ties and green shirts...
...Nothing of the kind occurred, but supporters of the lesbian rights resolution indubitably derived profound reassurance from these ornithological findings...
...Adeline T. Muhlenberg passed on to her reward...
...This was a woman...
...Possibly the New York Stock Exchange had collapsed...
...Think of it...
...Bruce Jenner, having caught the 1976 decathlon champion—a professed Wheaties eater—lasciviously abandoning himself to orange juice and grits in a San Francisco hotel...
...Nonetheless, there is about him something of the hick chiseler, for Papa Brezhnev is the most shameless liar now practicing in that endless and frigid Arkansas that is the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics...
...Faced with a two to three-year wait for the National Health Service to remove a painfully infected gall bladder, Northampton, England's Mrs...
...But, unless an unexpected plague wipes out the entire United States Senate, sparing only Senator George S. McGovern, catastrophe awaits Mr...
...In San Francisco, the district attorney is bringing suit against General Mills and Mr...
...The old flimflammer's greased diatribe moved from deception to deception, and he could have burnt out every lie detector in the world had an international linkup been made...
...Thomas Bertrand after he was nabbed while preparing a feast of fried cat...
...Yet university officials grew suspicious, and when the illustrious author of House of Flowers suddenly belched and took on a queasy pallor they moved fast, rushing him to safety, and pronouncing him "overcome by alcohol" and unworthy of his $3,500 honorarium—a philistine response and a tragic ending, for Mr...
...In the reviewing stand stood the Rt...
...negotiator Paul C. Warnke proceeds from his compelling premise that if only the United States would not make it prohibitively expensive for Brezhnev to build Russia into the world's military colossus, the comrades would transform their economy into a consumers' utopia, abundant with credit cards, Chevrolets, and CB radios...
...In Oxford, England, suitors of Miss Ruth van Herpen nervously crossed her number from their datebooks when it was revealed that that kiss bestowed by her on a painting at the Oxford Museum of Modern Art had caused $1,260 damage...
...Actually something even more fabulous filled their minds...
...Capote informed the Baltimore News American: "I am a genuine alcoholic....This is my final, farewell appearance...
...And so adieu to the $3,500-martini-lecture...
...Presumably there is a human rights angle to all this, possibly the right of despotisms to pillage a nation's past as well as its present...
...An appeal will be forthcoming, yet for now the sad young man remains sequestered with common criminals...
...With unassailable logic, defense counsel pointed out that the victim did not in fact die...
...And in New York City Mrs...
...Rita Ward hijacked an NHS hospital bed and negotiated immediate treatment...
...Already Mr...
...Finally, in Indiana civil libertarians were stunned late in the month by an act of judicial vengefulness unprecedented in recent years...
Vol. 11 • January 1978 • No. 3
