The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS
...Once more we are saved from Popish contrivances...
...He was only 49...
...Such moral indolence does not exist in Chicago, however...
...And that the senator knows how to work the system there can be no doubt...
...The real culprits behind the Korea-gate affair appear to be members of the press, who, according to the Rt...
...But they're clean, ain't it...
...A minor transgression some would say...
...That ain't the issue...
...Alas, all that saved every zoo keeper in the world from the calaboose was the reminder of a brave UNESCO bureaucrat that the motion to adopt the charter was out of order...
...keeled over in the midst of a 7,500-meter run in Sikeston, Mo., and was hauled off to a local hospital where he was pronounced in critical condition with heat stroke...
...Perkins," left his flophouse in Baltimore's famed "peep-show district," and entrained for Washington to claim "my seat and my salary...
...William Clay (D-Mo...
...he replied with the laconic wit of Camelot: "Don't be a squirrel...
...October was a very good month for Rattus norvegicus (wharf rats), Ursus hornbills (grizzly bears), and thousands of constipated ca-nines now residing in New York City, for on October 15 the redoubtable United Nations came closer than ever to adopting a Declaration of the Rights of Animals...
...Still the liberals are unmoved, though you can be sure that Pravda and Andy Young are watching...
...Animals are coming out of the ghetto in which human beings penned them," Miss Caroline Daigueperse, president of the International Juridical Institute for Animal Protection, pro-claimed...
...Norman Meyers, the hotel manager, "he's made my life miserable...
...The charter was weighed at a typically solemn UNESCO meeting...
...Von Kannon was discourteously rebuffed, and when he asked the Baltimore Civil Liberties Union to intervene, the BCLU gave him the old cold shoulder—perhaps because Mr...
...Hail Columbia...
...This Common Cause dream candidate is an utterly shiftless indigent, who, unable even to pay his $290 filing fee, filed as a pauper...
...Perkins has a steel-trap mind, a homey command of the language, and is no fool when he deals with the press...
...Three congressmen were singled out for reprimands, though they seem to have suffered no ill effects from the judgment...
...Yet despite the good-natured badinage, Mr...
...He ain't nothing but a louse," shouted a Mr...
...Why no TV coverage...
...The distinguished solon now faces a total of 145 years in the slammer and a possible fine of $191,000, making his avoidance of incarceration unlikely and bringing ever closer the day when our prison population—long one of the least represented minorities in our democracy —will finally have a voice in the U.S...
...On Capitol Hill, Senator Birch Bayh, the most anurous and strenuous advocate of the bill in the Senate, popped champagne corks and pronounced that "the system had worked...
...RET 2 The American Spectator December 1978...
...The sloppiest man...I ain't never seen one worse," allowed a woman who apparently sought anonymity from behind a faded drape by the front door...
...A transgression unlikely to fetch the interest of countries like Sri Lanka, India, or the Central African Empire, but fetch their interest it did...
...House of Representatives, Congressman Goodloe E. Byron (DMd...
...Perkins has been made in the New Republic, and no ad hoc or emergency commit-tee is even on the drawing board...
...House of Representatives...
...and on October 11 the most notorious jogger in the U.S...
...Yet the liberals do nothing...
...T H E C O N T I N U I N G C R I S I S...
...Imagine the scene as the magnificoes padded around on the plush carpets of their great assembly room is-suing sonorities about the immorality of "people going on vacations and abandoning their dogs...
...Byron's death the GOP candidate was locked away in the Baltimore County hoosegow on a mysterious charge of assaulting a lady bus driver...
...Most notable of all the committee's revelations was the revelation that immediately after the autopsy JFK's brain vanished, a thought that sent many Kennedy maniacs to their prayer chambers...
...Carl Smerz, who claims to have shared a bottle of wine with the candidate on prior occasions...
...Twice his shoes have been stolen since the campaign began...
...a former Olympic runner, died of a heart attack...
...The Senate will leave it to the Justice Department to adjudge whether some form of perjury resides in the senator's slippery statement, it being well known that our senators recognize perjury only with the greatest difficulty...
...It took a congressman to die before anyone paid any attention to me," quipped the tousle-haired, 55-year-old retiree at a hastily called press conference in the lobby of the Armistead hotel, and as the assembled reporters kept their hands over their wallets, testimonials rang out...
...Alas, Mr...
...Earlier in the month, Congressman Ralph Metcalfe (D-Ill...
...Charles C. Diggs (D-Mich...
...No twelve drunks gathered at any point in recent history could have envisaged it...
...Americans got another glimpse of the fabled Carter charm when Miss Lillian hit the campaign trail for Connecticut Governor Ella Grasso and expressed amazement upon discovering that Governor Grasso was not "a great big fat person, sort of sweaty...
...Evidence of the fatal hazards of jogging accumulates, yet the federal government's goody-goody agencies do nothing...
...by their sensationalism encouraged a "sham" and a "mockery...
...Still, the liberals and progressives have sounded no tocsin of righteous indignation...
...Her other boy friend is in jail and she give me his pants...
...His bicycle was destroyed, and just before Mr...
...suffered a similar conclusion...
...Late in the month, Congressman Bill Burlison (D-Mo...
...Diggs, who alluded to vindictiveness from "the white establishment...
...Let's get it over with...
...on 29 counts of fraud and per-jury...
...In one of those moments of quiet bravery seen too rarely in the U.S...
...At any rate, the 95th Congress adjourned on October 15, and the whole mob quickly absconded to their constituencies or their vacations, leaving Washing-ton bartenders much the sadder and Washing-ton secretaries much the safer...
...Perkins faces an uphill fight, having been, as he puts it, "deserted by the Republican Party" and marked for extinction by the Baltimore Establishment...
...The House and Senate investigations into the so-called Koreagate scandal ended on an eerie note when it was discovered that the only two solons whom the legislators definitely judged guilty of actionable offenses—Senator Hubert Humphrey and Senator John McClellan—had died months before...
...A very untidy person," declaimed Mr...
...And had the charter been adopted, such atrocities would have become offenses against UN law...
...The untimely curtailment of Congressman Byron was particularly distressing to the nation's Ponce de Leon adepts, for he was felled while in the very act of jogging...
...When our Senior Publisher Baron Von Kannon called the Washington offices of Common Cause and suggested united action on behalf of this uncommon candidate, Mr...
...Yet the buffoons of the East River Asylum mulled over it without a laugh, not even a snicker...
...The charter tip-toed round the issue of whether it is ethical to kill animals for food, but it strongly implied that New York City's laws against defecating dogs are malum prohibitum...
...There, the indigenous Civil Liberties Union got word that city employees had erected a reviewing stand for a tribute to the newly-elected Pope, and duly sued Chicago Mayor Bilandic for violating the separation of church and state...
...Upon hearing of the congressman's death, the GOP candidate promptly gathered his earthly belongings into a shopping bag, en-scribed simply "M...
...Byron in the November 7 election...
...Perkins has heaved no bombs and uses only the most chaste expletives...
...The House Assassinations Committee ended its public inquiry into the death of President Kennedy after indulging and pondering every crank theory ever associated with the murder, including the theory that the President was done in by an exploding umbrella...
...On October 16 the Senate Committee on Ethics gingerly transported Senator Bayh's Koreagate testimony to the Justice Department in a plain brown envelope...
...Perfect justice for the wharf rat will have to await 1979...
...Perkins was barred from taking his seat, set upon when he attempted to pay his respects at the Byron funeral, and almost immediately faced with the dubious democratic precedent of being forced to run against Mrs...
...What a marvel...
...My girl friend give me these green pants...
...So would have "animal experimentation involving physical or psychological suffering" which is "incompatible with the rights of animals...
...Advocates of prison reform rejoiced at the October 7 conviction of the Rt...
...The loss of Congressman Byron, 26 days before election day, temporarily left unopposed one of the freshest faces to come to Maryland's political scene in years, that of Republican Melvin Perkins, a man totally insulated from special interests and without compromising assets of any kind...
...The harassment has been in-tolerable...
...Some progressives were rendered dyspeptic by the conviction, notably Mr...
...No defense of Mr...
...When a reporter from the right-wing Washington Star taunted him with the surly question, "Where did you get those pants...
...Senate, the representatives of the sovereign states voted for a 39-month extension for ratification of the ERA, a demonstration of democratic devotion that was accomplished only after the assembled patriots had put down a devious scheme by anti-democratic forces intent on allowing states to rescind previous ratifications...
...OK, so they're too big...
Vol. 11 • December 1978 • No. 12
