Stunt Republicans

Durst, Will

Off the Map Will Durst Stunt Republicans New York City R epub l ica ns . They were about as suitable a combination as milk shakes and uranium tailings. Like a tricked out '78 Buick Electra 225 and...

...Of course, in America, it's not what you do, but what you say, and more importantly, what you can get other people to say, that really matters...
...Got to be perfectly honest here: no idea why everyone went gaga over California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's little talk...
...Must be cousins to those cicadas that burrow in the ground and emerge to feed on a set cycle years later...
...I must admit also being a bit taken aback by the "economic girlie men" line...
...Will Durst doesn't envy Kerry's task post-New York...
...But if logic were a requirement here, we'd all be in deep doo doo...
...Seem to have disappeared for a while...
...One of the two...
...Or slap 'em...
...more like a string of cute one-liners...
...Nice logic, Zell...
...What next...
...Countering Ronald Reagan Jr.'s appearance at the Democratic Convention, cranky Georgia Democrat Zell Miller crossed party lines to give the off-keynote...
...You remember them...
...These were stunt Republicans, the watered-down pastel version of the GOP...
...And now this blatant discrimination of economic girlie men coming straight from the podium...
...Asked why he doesn't just switch parties, Zig Zag Zell railed, "I was born a Democrat, and I'll die a Democrat...
...The Pink Republicans...
...But the Republicans who showed up on stage weren't the fierce ideological warriors...
...A proposed constitutional amendment outlawing marriage between economic girlie men...
...Instead of laughed at for being ludicrous, it's effective...
...Taunting the unemployed with "God Hates Economic Girlie Men" placards...
...And we certainly wouldn't countenance vicious attacks on a veteran who served honorably in Vietnam by a guy who evaded service...
...One question: Why the hell don't you act like a Democrat then...
...If Orwell were alive today, he'd bow down to this Administration in awe...
...Like a tricked out '78 Buick Electra 225 and a Popemobile...
...First off, it wasn't really an address...
...As W. C. Fields once said, "Never follow a kid or an animal...
...The inclusive, big tent, we're-all-in-this-together, can't-we-just-get-along, and aren't-those-minorities-talented Republicans...
...The night before, the spoiled trust-fund-baby Hilton Sisters imitation by the Bush twins was evened out when Vice Principal Dick Cheney scolded the nation for even considering not voting for him and Bush...
...Cheney also mocked John Kerry for expressing a desire to take a sensitive approach to the war, even though the last time the Veep scraped the barrel for this charge, the Democrats found footage of Bush saying the exact same thing...
...These are the ones who showed up in Philadelphia four years ago...
...Like quadrennial insects, the masked Republicans crawled out of their holes to infest the American airwaves again...
...Like banana slugs and oatmeal...
...Actions are always open to interpretation and ancillary to the continual restating of what you want people to believe happened...
...Father being a Nazi and all...
...Just not sure a guy whose father was a Nazi should be striking that particular pose, much less giving inspiring speeches about escaping as a youth from under the thumb of a totalitarian regime, but there you go...
...Always wondered what happened to them...
...New this season on Bravo: "Economic Girlie Men Eye for the Straight Guy...
...But I will grant you, he does look impressive with his chin thrust forward...
...Wasn't this supposed to be the kinder, gentler Republican Party Convention...

Vol. 68 • October 2004 • No. 10


 
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