A SMILE OR TWO
Next on the Program Deacon Stubhs was presiding at the Christmas Eve' exercises given by the children of the Sunday School. "And now," he announced, "we will have a vocal solo by Eliza Wilkins,...
...As With Men Zoo Superintendent—What was all the rumpus out there this morning...
...Ocean View Vidette...
...They are too narrow and pointed in the toes...
...observed to the vender...
...New York Life...
...The donkey ate it...
...What happened...
...But, sir," said the assistant, in a last desperate effort "everybody is wearing these long, narrow, pointed toes this season...
...London Bystander...
...I suppose you'll have a hard time getting oranges now," ventured the f. m. m., "especially since the Florida crop is short also...
...The customer eyed them closely, and then-said: "No, I don't like them...
...What's the matter...
...Johnstown Democrat...
...What did he say...
...The doctor calls it neuris insomnis paralaxitis...
...A young lady seated in one of the last rows got up and, full of indignation, was leaving the room rather noisily, whereupon the lecturer remarked: "I did not mean that it need be done in such a hurry as that...
...Same Old Feet Seventy-nine pairs of shoes had been shown to the stout customer, and still he wasn't suited...
...I've had it about eighteen months, and we call it Ethel...
...A Choice of Evils "Prosperity has ruined many a man," remarked the moralizer...
...Son Francisco Argonaut...
...Fruit Man Unperturbed While the "Five Minute Man" was on his way to work yesterday he stopped for a moment to chat with a Main street fruit dealer...
...He said that you beat him out of five thousand dollars in a wheat deal...
...answers the other, "and what doctor attended him...
...He Started Something At a lecture a well-known authority on economics mentioned the fact that in some parts the number of men was considerably larger than that of women, and he added humorously: "I can therefore recommend the ladies to emigrate to that part of the world...
...That so...
...Nora (a new girl)—It's my fault, Mum...
...he always said he'd like to die a natural death...
...I've been afflicted now about two years...
...Maybe," said the stout man, quietly, "but I'm still wearing my last season's feet...
...As He Remembered It Teacher—Do you know, Tommy, when shingles first came into use...
...my poor father wouldn't have a doctor...
...I heard the remark myself...
...Subbuh—I wonder what's come over Harry...
...Instead of being cross, as usual, he started off happy and whistling like a bird this morning...
...Some nights I don't sleep three hours...
...Tommy—I think when I was between five and six years old, ma'am.— Ex...
...I've got it awfully bad...
...I hardly thought he was the kind of man to go around telling stories that reflected on my character...
...Wish Realized Le Fanu, in his "Seventy Years of Irish Life," tells of a peasant who said to a gentleman: "My poor father died last night, your honor...
...Not at all...
...He's been slandering me...
...J got the wrong package, and gave him bird-seed for breakfast food...
...to me," replied the unperturbed dealer...
...It Made a Difference "If I ever get hold of Binks I'll thrash him so that his mother wouldn't recognize him...
...Well," rejoined the demoralizer, "if I was going to he ruined at all, I'd prefer prosperity to do it...
...Oh, well, then, I suppose it is all right...
...The proprietor of the stand nodded...
...Ah...
...He says that I beat him out of five dollars in a poker game...
...Woman's Home Companion...
...Answers...
...Attendant—The bull moose and the elephant were fighting over their feed...
...I'm sorry for that...
...I should say I am...
...Producing the eightieth, the shop assistant said blandly: "Now, here's a pair which I think will suit you to perfection...
...And now," he announced, "we will have a vocal solo by Eliza Wilkins, with a violin obligation...
...Pretty tough about the cold wave in California," he...
...Life...
...What a Man Fats Mrs...
...Two Kinds "Are you troubled with insomnia— sleeplessness...
...I getta my orange from Pittsburg...
...Makesa no diff...
Vol. 5 • January 1913 • No. 4
