Letter to a Friend
MARGOLIS, RICHARD J.
States of the Union LETTER TO A FRIEND BY RICHARD J. MARGOLIS Dear Mary, I have jotted down a few alphabetized thoughts in honor of your 14th birthday. Some are odd and some are even. You decide...
...She's a grandmother already...
...My grandmother, in particular, always took Sandy's side...
...he was simply reminding people of the sacredness of their affections...
...Sandy aged him every morning (though I only got to see it on Saturdays, when I was home from school...
...It was one of those polite two-chimers, not at all desperate-sounding...
...But when the subject was Sandy, Gram was ethically purblind...
...I don't want to leave you with the idea that my grandmother lacked compassion...
...one discovers them the way Columbus discovered America...
...What is your dog's real name...
...Each year I make a wish and exclaim, "Let them eat cake...
...Though the fist hurts, the palm humiliates...
...Drop anchor and explore...
...When I was a child we had a cocker spaniel named Sandy...
...In fact, there are two, and you may take your choice...
...George I learned the other day that your dog George is a female...
...Then she'd pick up Sandy and hold the dog to her capacious bosom...
...Hagalife...
...Gram could never tolerate criticism of anyone in the family, and Sandy, alas, was considered part of the family...
...It was a gutsy statement, written during World War II when nearly everyone seemed to be waving the flag, shouting patriotic slogans, and looking under beds for spies and traitors...
...Ahoy there...
...My grandmother usually came to the door...
...So, for that matter, were we all...
...Whatever delicate tie of sympathy had been in the process of developing between us was plainly severed...
...Affectionately, Dick...
...Okay," I said...
...Finally, whereas it is all right to argue with a friend, it is risky to try to convert him...
...I answered...
...Your damn dog is biting me again," the mailman would wail...
...On the contrary, she was normally the soul of tenderness...
...Oh, she's just fine...
...A few months ago, however, while visiting St...
...I asked...
...Goodbye," he says...
...It's something that I ask each of my dates," she explained...
...Paul are drippy, and together we sloshed up Hillcrest to Snelling Avenue, where we caught a yellow streetcar that took us to St...
...Birthdays Sometimes you can tell what a person thinks of himself by the way he celebrates his birthday...
...Indifferently or joyfully—that is the question...
...If you succeed, you have merely made him more like yourself—and less like your friend...
...They scared me, anyway...
...Get away from here...
...Grinning dreadfully, she would leap out of the foliage and head straight for the ankles...
...The girl's name was Sharlene, and she had long brown hair and very scary-red lips...
...I used to caution my family and friends not to fuss, but now that the years have started to pile up, I'm coming to feel that my birthday is the holiday of the year, an occasion for parades, proclamations, and Roman candles...
...One of Sandy's favorite pastimes was attacking the mailman...
...Did you know that George Eliot's real name was Mary Anne Evans, and that George Sand's real name was Amantine Lucile Aurore, although she was also called the Baroness Dudevant...
...After the show we had milkshakes at Bridgeman's, and then we boarded yet another streetcar and began the long, rumbling journey home...
...Okay," I said again...
...His bite was much worse than his bark...
...I called for her one sunny Sunday afternoon in March, when the snow and ice in St...
...At this point he always rang our bell...
...Huh...
...At the Downtown Orpbeum we saw Cover Girl, starring Rita Hay-worth...
...may be replaced by "Hagaday.' Very well then: Hagaday...
...The mailman was not an old man, but his hair had already turned white, and one easily understood why...
...Moral Number 1: You can't teach an old dog-lover new insights...
...E. M. Forster said he would rather betray his country than a friend...
...Nice puppy," she'd say, petting Sandy's hard little head...
...Sandy, meanwhile, would be crouching in the shrubs, biding her time...
...The trip took about an hour-and-a-half...
...Fights If you hit someone, make sure you use your fist and not the palm of your hand...
...Moral Number 2: Beware of the dog—especially if it's yours...
...On the way home, as we sat side by side on the straw seat, Sharlene inched closer to me and said, "There's something I have to ask you...
...Well," my grandmother would reply, "if you kick him and yell at him like that, what else do you expect...
...At last she heaved a sigh and turned her face toward the window...
...The script seldom varied: Our intrepid postman would warily approach our door, all the time turning in a tight, defensive circle...
...If you disagree with any of this, we can meet later and have a good old-fashioned argument...
...Sandy would throw the postman a last evil leer as the door slammed shut...
...That makes her heir to a distinguished literary tradition...
...During the whole of this date Sharlene and I exchanged no more than a half dozen sentences, a few of which I can sharply recall...
...He looked sweet and gentle, but deep down he was mean and nasty...
...the panicky postman would hiss at her, hopping and dancing and trying to dodge the dog's sharp teeth...
...So speak softly and listen hard...
...Sharlene waited for me to say more, but I had said everything that was on my mind...
...Goodbyes The original version of "goodbye" was "God be with you," but people were in a hurry so they kept slurring and shortening until they reached "goodbye...
...Then, as the postman turned his back to stuff our mailbox, Sandy would strike...
...We had raised Sandy from pup-pyhood, so naturally we were loyal...
...Well, we went our separate ways...
...Of course, Forster wasn't recommending treason...
...I bring it up because I happened to be your age when I had my first date...
...Long ago and far away 1 dreamed a dream one day...
...Scat...
...If you grow up in a house with a dog—no matter its disposition?you will always want to have one around...
...Now the fad in parting is to say, "Have a good day...
...Clair Street and thence, on another trolley, to the center of the city...
...Sharlene fluttered her eyelashes and asked, "Do you like kissing...
...Friends One doesn't collect friends like butterflies, or amass them like diamonds...
...Also, please note that shouting is preferable to sulking, as is directness to sarcasm...
...Is there a moral to this fable...
...Dating Do teenagers still have "dates" or does the question merely date me...
...You decide which are which...
...Paul, I happened to meet Sharlene's mother on a downtown street near the Orpheum...
...Her lips were even redder than Sharlene's, and she sang "Long Ago and Far Away" with much feeling...
...How's Sharlene...
...In addition, remember that most arguments are not to win but to settle...
...Hagayear...
...New friend ahead...
...My friend Jack Jessup (you've probably met him) predicts that this too will eventually be streamlined...
Vol. 59 • February 1976 • No. 3
