The Spice Box
THE SPICE BOX The saga of the brazen raisin What's so interesting about the front of a box or raisins? Funny you should ask. Turn the page, and____ Oil and daughter don*t mix Comes Rabbi...
...To make a long story short, sort of, Kaufman is finally offering a $75,000 gift to the congregation, and the rabbi is thinking he's being too stubborn in his refusal...
...See "The Kosher Pig," March 1982...
...Including even a space reserved for nursing mothers...
...The fisherman's rabbi: "The question itself is not so remarkable, but my super-observant baai-bayit oalled me at home early on a Saturday afternoon to ask it...
...That's an obvious misspelling of "Loshon Hora," Hebrew for the Evil Tongue—in spoken English, malicious gossip...
...Apparently not...
...there's no precedent, there's no formula...
...the Chivas wine department does, however, plan to offer us "Yayin Ora...
...Thanks to reader Frederic Reamer of Columbia, Missouri, for sending along this ad for the Ninth Street Delicatessen...
...8. A part-time commercial fisherman in California: "For professional purposes, I sometimes have to store squid in my freezer for my clients...
...Here, for your amusement and amazement, are two more of such: 1. A Jew who regularly eats in a Mexican restaurant—on Passover as well as the rest of the year—asks: "Rabbi, are tacos permissible on Pesach...
...Nova: Salmon on the Run...
...The suit alleges that the wine has a deceptive flavor that invites consumption "in copious quantities which subsequently strikes the drinker with the force and effect of a kick from a Missouri mule...
...But—since the rabbi answered the phone, does he have any standing to raise that issue...
...Ah, then perhaps the daughter will be enrolled in a temple in their new home...
...And why, you must surely be asking, was the child dropping out...
...These nutsy raisins have been brought to you courtesy of Arnold Hartley, of Garden City Park, New York, via our good friend and colleague, Rabbi Eugene Borowitz, of Port Washington, Sh'ma, Harvard, and sundry other places...
...Hardly...
...The circumstances...
...And you thought we were kidding with ^ayin Hora...
...Turn the page, and____ Oil and daughter don*t mix Comes Rabbi Earl Kaplan of Temple Beth Israel in Pomona, California, to tell of a recent letter of resignation the temple received from one of its members...
...Kaufman persists: "Rabbi, it's you who doesn't understand...
...Levi genes So Kaufman comes to his rabbi and says, "Rabbi, I want you to make me a Levi...
...It causes loss of inhibition and personal control by those who drink it...
...Depending on length, well pay from $5 to $50 for material that is accepted...
...The brazen raisin saga (concluded) So there...
...Please send us ideas, notes, curiosities—anything you'd like to share with our subscribers...
...A stunning film which captures the breathtaking power and determination of the salmon and how their existence is threatened by human encroachment...
...Be sure to include your name, address and telephone number...
...Did the makers of "Nova," the outstanding science program, know what they were doing when they prepared the following blurb for a recent installment...
...Mother, however, has withdrawn her resignation...
...I can't make you a Levi...
...More kosher pigs From time to time, Boston's Babbi Richard J. Israel shares with us the peculiar questions that come his way as Jews and modernity meet (and sometimes crash) head on...
...Which is how come worshippers observed the following sign last Rosh Hashanah: "Nursing Mothers Um Bridal Boom" Of once and future profits By way of Introduction, here's a blooper spotted by Roger Price in the new Chicago Consumer Yellow Pages...
...I want," says Kaufman, "it should be by a banquet...
...We reserve the right to edit all submissions...
...Thanks to reader Gail Bass of Santa Monica for sending this along...
...We poison the wells, too The Lake-Sun Leader in Missouri reports that one Linda Bryant has filed a $10 million law suit against the M?gen David Corporation, makers of M?gen David wine that she claims caused a neighbor to rape her last June...
...The rabbi took his seat as the assembled applauded, and then he turned to Kaufman and, staring him straight in the eye, said, "Mr...
...under the circumstances, the woman saw no need to maintain her affiliation...
...Ay, the things you can never learn in Abu Dhabi...
...An advertisement for an investment advisory service sent to , Naphtali Gutstein of Skokie, IL (that's just outside of checkbook Chicago...
...However, take at a look at page 11____ Deep puns (Alternative title: Why Your Hebrew School Teacher Knew What He Was Talking About When He Said That Knowing Hebrew Would come in Handy) Chivas Brothers, it turns out, is pushing a liqueur of its concoction known as "Lochon Ora...
...The woman's daughter was dropping out of the temple's religious school...
...My grandfather was a Levi, my father was a Levi, so I want to be a Levi, too...
...Eagleeyed reader Qolda Och, of Maplewood, New Jersey, who spotted the Chivas ad and brought it to our attention, asks whether we should expect "Yetzer Ora"—the Evil Instinct—next...
...Kaufman, 111 do it...
...And the rabbi says, "Mr...
...Is nothing sacred...
...The brazen raisin saga (continued) So, big deal—the top of the box says the raisins are kosher for Passover...
...No, we've checked...
...It's good for your charoset, but that's about all...
...It's tradition...
...Kaufman: "Rabbi, I'm surprised you should ask...
...And, on the appointed night, all Kaufman's friends are duly gathered for the banquet...
...I'm prepared to make a $10,000 contribution to the congregation if you make me a Levi...
...The service is called "Elohim Dabar" —in English, that's "The Lord Speaketh...
...So, at last, he says, "Mr...
...Welcome to the melting pot An item that CSUN Hillel's Rabbi Dan Dorfman clipped from Newm&nold News: "On Sunday, the Newman Center proudly presents it first annual Boogie Woogie Bagel Bash...
...Trouble is, new home is in Abu Dhabi, not known for its Jewish educational faculties...
...Only their producer knows What do you think...
...That's funny...
...Synagogues-Reform \? BETH ? MET THE FREE SYNAGOGUE Loctftd On Rttgl At DffnpsMr 1224 Donpsv Euan...........869-4230 CHICAGO FED A GREAT LAKES COUNCIL-THE UNION OF AMERICAN HEBREW CONGRTNS 100 w Mom...................782-1477 CHICAGO SINAI CONGREGATION 5350 S South Shr...............288-1600 CONGREGATION KOL AMI AmoM G Kjanni-RabbJ And now, two examples of this apparent confusion between spiritual accounting and bank accounting: 1. A classified ad from the LA Times, listed under "Paintings, Sculptures & Art," submitted by Nathan Hurvitz, reprinted here word-for-word: RUBIN—Michah from profit suite, signed litho, must sell $975/ 714/982-5658 #2...
...Richard Israel: "The kosher pig in this particular case is not about the squid, but rather, about the rabbi...
...Kaufman, I'd love to oblige you," responds the rabbi, "but there is simply no way for it to be done...
...Will the squid make our family's kosher meat, which we import from 100 miles away, tr?fe...
...It turns out that her mother's non-Jewish ex-husband and his new wife have obtained custody of the daughter, and that said exhusband has been relocated by his company...
...Let it be by a banquet, then," says the rabbi...
...After all, they are fiat bread...
...True, the congregant, if he cared so much about observance, should not have phoned the rabbi on Shabbat...
...It's all Ghassidic to us There are many things Chassidic (rebbes.yeshivas, neighborhoods, niggunim and mitzvah mobiles come to mind), but Ellas Lieberman of Cincinnati sends along evidence of one that's news to us...
...Kaufman, tell me...
...Just before dessert is served, the rabbi stands up, calls for silence, and proceeds: "By the authority vested in me, and in accordance with the ancient ritual, I hereby attest and affirm and avow and aver that henceforward and, yea ver?y, even forevermore, wheresoever Irvlng Kaufman shall he,, there shall all and sundry know him as a Levi...
...Milk, honey The rabbinic career evidently hones the sense of irony...
...In Judaism, either you are a Levi or you're not...
...All are not lost...
...Material cannot be returned...
...Kaufman, you don't understand...
...Selah...
...Mr...
...Invitation Readers are invited— and encouraged—to submit material for The Spice Box...
...Else, how come we get so many TSB items from rabbis...
...Immediately after mass...
...Rabbi Baruch Prydman-Kohl of Congregation Ohav-Shalom in Albany, New York, informs us that at High Holiday services, the congregation provides child care for them as needs it...
...Price writes: "Little do those who have chided the Jewish community for its 'checkbook Judaism' realize that some in the Chicago area have, apparently, elevated that religious approach to a fine art...
Vol. 8 • May 1983 • No. 5
