Campassion

KUR, CAROL

CAMPASSION CAROL KUR Calendars are a bother. They'll do, I suppose, for making dentist appointments and lunch dates, but beyond that, I have little use for them. Anyone, for example, who believes...

...I tiptoe out to the screened porch...
...For all of our caring and sharing, all our celebrations, all our delight in the richness of a warm, Jewish family setting, cannot be matched by the total immersion into a Jewish camp experience, but we can be, and indeed are, enriched by it...
...But the kids in bunk 10 had FOUR of them and one got into the bunk...
...I couldn't sleep all night...
...I never saw more stars in the sky...
...None of the above...
...They will make new friends...
...Instead of the mad dash for the dining hall after flag-lowering, everyone assembles for services...
...What is it that we are looking for...
...First, we ate ice cream...
...And summer, pure, hard-core summer, begins on the day the children leave for camp, and is exactly eight weeks long...
...I can't think of anything to complain about...
...After reading that, I felt that a thank you of my own was in order, and I could think of nothing more appropriate than Shehecheyanu...
...any contraband found in the bunks will be confiscated...
...We could have taken a luxury vacation while the kids ate 'graps' at home...
...They can go to a fiercely competitive sports camp or a non-structured environment in which "the individual child is encouraged to develop according to his or her own potential...
...Those are not Jewish camps...
...Otherwise, you're likely to get a letter like this one, received many years ago: "Dear Mommy and Daddy, Your letter came today...
...They will learn to get along with others...
...Unshowered bunkmates...
...And then: "Dear Mommy and Daddy, Gues what...
...When I was new at all this, I expected, naively, that I'd get long, gossipy letters filled with news and notes on friends, counselors, activities, food, all the important stuff...
...We had fun...
...I love it...
...Educated because the decision to send a child to a particular camp is reached after researching, discussing, weighing, balancing, in the effort to find just the right place...
...The older kids, now counselors, have telephone privileges...
...Collect, of course...
...In my best schoolteacher fashion, my first impulse is to send the letter back with the spelling corrected...
...The options are almost without limit...
...I promise I won't overdo it...
...No questions...
...J asked me to the soshul...
...We stood in a huge circle, the whole camp, and sang for what seemed like hours just trying to make it last a little longer...
...Once they've settled in, they can be expected to provide a bit more by way of information, even if it's in the nature of complaints: "Dear Mommy and Daddy, You wouldn't beleve what we had for lunch today...
...My mother tells me that I'm mis-remembering...
...The kid who had my bed last year said there's a leek in the roof right over my pillow...
...Then we had popcorn...
...That was the year I first indulged in what has become a private and delectable ritual for that special day...
...Not only that, but I'm feeling so good and so secure about things in general and about myself that I don't even have to sign my name...
...My children celebrate Shabbat with the same Hebrew folk songs and the same Israeli dances that I learned at camp...
...There are camps sponsored by the major denominations, there are youth movement camps and camps where only Hebrew is spoken...
...But I could tell that it was temporary and would probably pass quickly enough...
...Make that singular...
...Camp is transformed from a diverse, busy, active place of swimming and ball playing and arts and crafts and music and drama and discussions and tennis lessons into a unified whole...
...Bring it on visiting day...
...Kabbalat Shabbat, in a pine grove or a sweet-smelling apple orchard, is special, anticipatory and beautiful, and different from any at-home experience...
...One of our daughter's classmates shared this one with us: "Dear A, Well, I've been here for three days and so far I sprained two fingers playing volley ball, I have a terrible sore throat because it's freezing at night, I've had a nosebleed every day and I have about twelve thousand mosquito bites...
...For the most part, I was satisfied with that first effort...
...It was at that point that I finally broke down and allowed as how I thought she could make her own decision about wearing eye shadow to the social but that probably she ought to be able to spell it before she wore it...
...I'm hot...
...The whole tenor of the place changes...
...Actually, I didn't weep until I got into the car, and then I couldn't indulge for long because I had to get home in time to pick up our two-year-old so I could drive the seven-year-old's day camp car pool...
...I look about furtively, certain that I am about to be apprehended...
...N siad I could were her pink shirt but I'd rather were D's purple pants but D siad that R asked her first...
...It need not mean daily Hebrew classes, although many Jewish camps have them, but it must include a joyous and positive celebration of being a Jew...
...Not yet...
...And it must, of course, include Shabbat...
...Write to the counselor...
...And the side benefits in every one of these experiences are many...
...Macarony and chese, french fries, corn bred and cake for desert...
...They can spend the summer hiking, biking, surviving in the wilderness...
...Winter begins, in the real world, the day I have to put the lining in my trench coat...
...And then, oblivion...
...Those rewards were expressed most eloquently by our eldest daughter at the conclusion of her final summer as a camper: "Dear Mommy and Daddy, Tonight was our last Havdalah at camp...
...Similarly, the first sign of winter's ebb is the day spring training begins...
...At its best, it can change the child's life...
...Call B's mother...
...For parents who have considered but never experienced a Jewish summer camp, the first year or so has to be an educated experiment in blind faith...
...A really newsy first letter we received some years ago read: "Dear Mommy and Daddy, Nothing much has happened since you dropped me off an hour ago...
...One thing I've learned about writing to kids at camp is to provide information only...
...Also please bring an eyelash curler...
...It is always special to celebrate holidays at home with the family, but I had the feeling that this was unique, a Jewish Experience, for me, that I could never duplicate...
...better yet, they come home and teach me new ones...
...Cautiously, I take the first of the thick, juicy novels from my summer reading pile...
...They can do many of the above, and one thing more...
...Minimally, it can affect the way a youngster feels about being Jewish...
...Anyone, for example, who believes that winter begins on December 21 must live in some never-never land where the solstice is the only way to mark the season...
...Preparations for Shabbat at camp begin right after Friday morning's breakfast in the dining hall and kitchen, and for the rest of the camp, some time Friday afternoon when regular activities stop...
...I felt that I was exactly where I belonged...
...A Jewish summer camp, it seems to me, is a place in which the youngsters are aware, by virtue of atmosphere and activity every day, that they are living in a Jewish environment...
...It says, "I'm happy, I'm much too busy to be bothered with this writing home nonsense, but they're on my back so here it is and everything is just fine...
...I take a halfhearted swipe at the dust on the chaise...
...When visiting day draws near, requests become specific: My children celebrate Shabbat with the same Hebrew folk songs and the same Israeli dances that I learned at camp...
...Dear Mommy and Daddy, For visiting day, please bring 12 lbs of graps so there will be one lb for everybody in the bunk...
...better yet, they come home and teach me new ones...
...They can have an enriching, positive, reinforcing Jewish experience different from anything a parent or a synagogue can provide even under the best of conditions on a sustained basis...
...And we're lucky to get one piece of written communication over the course of a summer...
...Eyelash curler...
...So I wait...
...Having had the experience, I understand exactly why my daughters count the months, and then the weeks and the days, until it is time to return to that very special place each summer...
...Enough summers have come and gone so that by now, I know exactly why my stomach is in knots, and I know that only the arrival of the mailman will unknot it...
...Frustrated...
...I don't know...
...Two days later, the following missive arrived: "Dear Mommy, Do you think it would be okay for me to were just a teeny tiny bit of eye shadoe to the soshul...
...I don't know how they will solve this problem but it is SERIUS...
...Shabbat is roast chicken and homemade challah followed by joyous singing and dancing far into the night...
...Why...
...I luxuriate in the notion that eight glorious weeks stretch before me, eight weeks in which I won't have to drive a single car pool, be the household telephone receptionist and answering service, share my panty hose, or otherwise be responsible for anybody but me...
...And please bring lots of other frut...
...Not better, necessarily, but different...
...We can send them to exotic places, we can send them to a camp where they'll become slimmer and learn new eating habits...
...There are also camps that call themselves Jewish because all their campers happen to be Jewish...
...Graps...
...There is a frenzy of showering, shampooing and clothes-swapping as campers and counselors change from the everyday fare of bright colors and jeans to blue and white, or all-white, or their best...
...Please tell me your answer fast...
...Send soap...
...Hence: "Dear Mommy and Daddy, Yesterday was tripe day...
...In other words, life didn't change much until that remarkable summer six years ago when all three went off to sleep away camp...
...Because for us, and many others, camp turns out to be about much, much more than lapsed spelling...
...Then we got thirsty so we had cokes...
...Mercifully, the powers that be at our children's camp know about antsy parents, so they insist on at least three letters a week, and one within the first 24 hours at camp...
...I don't know if they fixed it...
...Nobody wants to let B were there clothes because she's been here two weeks and she hasn't taken one shower...
...They will get a taste of independence, of self-reliance, of decision-making without Mommy or Daddy passing judgments...
...Some year, I fantasize, I'll sit right there in that very spot until the day comes to pick them up...
...Our camp has a strict policy—no food packages of any kind...
...The phone does not ring...
...Annoyed...
...Shabbat is Havdalah under the stars—an experience so bittersweet and beautiful that it is almost mystical...
...They can do one of the above or some of the above...
...We can send our children to camp to become more skilled musicians, artists, dancers, dramatists, tennis players, equestrians...
...The house is blissfully quiet...
...Why is my stomach in knots...
...I wish I could put into words how beautiful and how special—and sad, because it's over—it was...
...Right away, I knew she was a little homesick...
...Then we were hungry again so we had more popcorn...
...Correct the spelling...
...I resist...
...Camp is great...
...Every so often, there is a major event at camp, such as a power failure or water shortage or some other act of nature that provides a flurry of letters home: "Dear Mommy and Daddy, There is a big problem at camp this year with skunks...
...This was supposed to be an enriching experience...
...We went to the beach...
...We had one under our bunk last night and we couldn't get in until it went away...
...Thank you for making this summer possible...
...I don't know what to were...
...Not me...
...One day, two, three...
...I felt completely surrounded with love and caring...
...Of corse I siad yes...
...Shabbat is the suspension of regular Saturday activities with the day set aside for prayer and study, for rest and leisure activities...
...Did Dana remember to pack her raincoat...
...That's a great letter...
...Please write and tell them to put me on the frut list...
...Letter...
...Jewish camps, of course, come in almost as many varieties as do Jews themselves...
...I arrive home from camp, having deposited three daughters, three trunks, three duffle bags, three guitars and hundreds of dollars worth of shampoo, insect repellent and comic books...
...Predictably, many of the letters home have to do with food...
...Then we had cotton candy...
...Now, older and wiser, I know how to read camp letters...
...At this point, the novice camp parent may well ask, "Why on earth have we spent thousands of dollars for tui-ion and camp clothes and tennis balls...
...More often, the first letter reads: "Dear Mom and Dad, This is my meal ticket...
...It isn't truly fall until Rosh Hashanah, be it early September or mid-October...
...What to do...
...It's okay...
...How am I suposed to diet...
...Get this...
...But the younger campers are duty bound...
...Did the cards I wrote two days ago get to camp so they'd have mail on the very first day...
...It was 11 years ago that we delivered our eldest child to summer camp for the first time...
...Tired...
...First letters to friends are usually more overt...
...I think so...
...Love, Me...
...Needless to say, the "soshul" was a memory and the eye "shadoe" long gone before she got the answer...
...I may even get through the first three pages of the book before the first little nagging shred of worry invades...
...For, at its conclusion, camp is once again transformed and becomes the diverse and active place it was before Shabbat, as it will continue to be until the following Friday...
...Some parents, receiving such a first effort, would be upset...
...The goodbyes were brief (we had been warned) but tearful...
...I also remembered that when they set foot in camp, all spelling rules are suspended...
...Some of the kids had pizza but I had a fujikal...
...But once a month, the kids get sprung for a day...
...I pour a large glass of iced tea...
...Then we had lunch but nobody was hungry...
...Will this be the year of the Great Summer Romance...
...After all, I wrote those kinds of letters when I went to camp...
...Also, as the children get older, they do write newsier letters...
...It was after II p.m...

Vol. 6 • July 1981 • No. 7


 
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